All I've Ever Needed

Chapter 4

October 7, 2013

Val sat on the floor of his bedroom, his bare back resting against the cold wall. He was listening to Vivaldi’s ‘The Four Seasons’. A concerto that had a deep meaning to him. His father had always said that he could see every member of the family represented in each of the four seasons. Val’s father Sasha, a great man, had been spring. Lighthearted and gentle but always formal. His mother, Larisa, was autumn. Dynamic, beautiful and too modest for her own good. Val’s older brother Maks was summer.  Dynamic, effortless, erratic. Like a thunderstorm that both relaxes you and pains. His father had always, with reluctance, likened Val to winter. Hard. Cold. Precise. Detached. Val had always loved it though. He loved the winter.

His head was full of different thoughts. He thought about his father. How much he loved and how much he missed him. He thought of his brother. He was 6 years older than Val and had his own life back in New York. He didn’t need to follow them across the country. He missed him of course but Val knew he had a good life here with his mother. His mother was his rock. The only one that truly mattered. Right? 

He thought back to yesterday. What he had said. What had he said?

You soothe me. You soothe me? What had he been thinking? What was going on with him? He didn’t connect with people. The only people he loved were his parents, his grandmother and his brother. That was it. People in his life were just collateral damage. It was never meant to be that way, they were never meant to get hurt, but it happened. Every time. He wore a mask for the outside world. So that people wouldn’t notice who he really was. Why he was so guarded. Why it took him awhile to trust people and when he did, why he never allowed them to see who he really was. He never engaged with anyone in anything more than harmless banter. He was angry with himself for the cracks that had formed in his mask but more than anything he was furious with her. He was furious that these cracks were formed by a girl that didn’t even care. And that’s why he wowed not to care either.

He hadn’t gone to school today. He hadn’t dared. He had made too much of a fool of himself already. Signing up for that stupid musical. Why? To prove that he could? To make his own life even more unbearable?  No. He knew why. But it would end now. He grabbed his gym bag and filled it with necessities; a towel, some toiletries and a change of clothes. He needed to let out some steam. He needed to hit something, to feel the strain on his muscles, to run away from everything. Run away from her.  

He was not going to let this win. He was stronger. He was stronger than before and he was never going to be weak again.

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“Zendaya! Can you please lower the volume! I can not listen to Bonnie Tyler for another second!” 

Zendaya heard her mother’s voice and stepped away from the mirror, where she had been practicing her moves, pressing pause on her stereo. The rehearsals had been going well and Zendaya felt effortless in the role. Like she was born to play it. Like she was born to perform. Unfortunately her schoolwork had suffered a bit, her math homework left much to be desired but after a chat with her math teacher she had realized how important it was. She could pursue her dreams but that did not mean she had to neglect everything else.

This last year had been rough on her and her mother. With her father gone, Zendaya’s mom had to work two jobs to be able to successfully run the house. That didn’t leave much time for any sort of a relationship between the two although Zendaya knew that her mother loved her and would always be there for her when she truly needed her. She had felt broken and torn for a long time but she finally felt like she was being pieced back together. Like life finally had a meaning. Like she finally had some meaning.

She was starting to get noticed around school, not a lot but people were coming up to her and congratulating her on getting the part in the musical. It felt weird, being accepted, but at the same time it felt exhilarating. She had spent so much time perfecting her outsider attitude that she had slowly forgotten that she wasn’t that person. She wanted to be recognized. She wasn’t who she claimed to be, she wasn’t cold and distant but if there was one thing her father had taught her it was how to protect herself. How to not give yourself away.

“Nobody is gonna give you anything in life and nobody is to be trusted my little Zendaya. You make your own fate and your are worthy of whatever you choose, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” That had been the philosophy her father had given her and although she knew he was right, she was slowly starting to realize that people weren’t as bad as he had painted them to be. She had few but wonderful friends. She had made acquaintances in the production and she was starting to loosen around them. There was Spencer, whom she loved dearly but who didn’t love her back. He was still her friend and she would not let that go easily. And then there was Val. A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.

Val was someone, who at first, she couldn’t stand. And she didn’t know why. She had tried to tell herself that he was everything she detested. He didn’t take anything seriously, he was cocky, he verbalized every single thought he had and could make her blood boil with only the quirk of his lip. But yesterday, yesterday it had been different. He had been different. He had shown himself to her. He saw her hurt because it was mirrored in his own. She had been able to glimpse into his green eyes and see the flashes of pain that reflected deep inside. It had made her realize that he wasn’t just a one-dimensional character that was sent to her school to make her heart race in anger. He was something more and it intrigued her. She wanted to know more, she wanted to

He hadn’t been to school that morning and a no-show at rehearsals. Coral and her merry gang of copycats had spent the entire rehearsal trying to get his phone number from other students but no one seemed to have it or know where he lived. The fact that Coral didn’t have his number had made Zendaya undeniable happy, if just because seeing Coral actually work for something was a sight almost never seen.

Zendaya wanted to know more about him and she was determined to do so. She had made herself a promise that afternoon. She was not going to be that girl again, the one who kept her distance and the one who never trusted anyone. She had changed. She was stronger than before and she was never going to be weak again.