My Sun and My Stars

Back To December

Warning: mention of blowjob

Aya POV

I could feel the tension as soon as I opened the door to Jay's backstage area. His entire band piled into a storage closet space was a lot different from the private rooms and large area that the boys from guns were getting.

His eyes were on me, watching me with annoyance as I looked around, weary of where to step because I might actually step on some toes. That's all I needed. It wasn't like I did anything right in their eyes. I was just Jay's girlfriend and I knew they all thought their lead singer shouldn't date. It didn't fit image to have a singer who couldn't be a sex symbol. And none of them thought I was pretty enough to be a rockstar's girlfriend. Their unfriendly advice that had been given to me multiple times proved that.

Finally I made it over, sitting on the couch's arm rest because he crossed his legs to keep me off of him. Being rejected in front of people turned my stomach and I was sure my cheeks burned from the embarrassment.

"When do you get paid?" Jay greeted me with a question I didn't have an answer to.

When Izzy and I had talked about money I had been okay with him just giving me one paycheck at the end of the tour to pay for school. That way I could have everything protected from Jay. I didn't need pocket change because it would just be taken from my pocket.

Talking about money always made me uncomfortable. It was like this pressure was being put on me and I was made to feel less superior when I didn't have it. My short stunt into my adult years had seemed to be a financial struggle and I was wondering if this was going to be how it would always be for me. Jay confronting me about money just stressed me out more.

"I think after the American Leg. It ends in December so I figured I could use the money from the last few months for school." Jay made this sound like he couldn't believe what I was saying and I knew that was the wrong answer.

But for once I didn't care.

"We have a shot at the European leg so you need to get your money because we need to make sure we're ready and can go." my heart was in my throat, I felt sick at the idea of having to ask Izzy for my money.

But Jay must have seen the shock on my face because he reached out to grab me, pulling me towards him, straddling his lap. His fingers are soft and caressing on my cheeks. It was so unlike him. He hadn't been like this since we were younger and it felt nice for him to want me, to touch me in front of people.

"Why don't you give me and Aya some time together?" He was talking to the band but his eyes were on me. Paying attention to me and reminding me that I was his girlfriend once again.

There was scraping of chairs as they left the room, grumbling and annoyed that he had been bossing them around, Jay watching them over my shoulder and his eyes left me as the door closed.

Sitting on him and not even having him look or touch me now, I felt uncomfortable and sick, I wasn't sure of what was going on. One second he was giving me all this affection I had been starved of and now he was acting like I was nothing and going back to withholding from touching me.

"Why do you do this, Aya? Why are you so selfish? I try so hard to let you see the world. I try to make sure you're always around me and kept safe but you, you make it all about you. We need this money for the tour. Don't you understand we're chasing a dream here? Don't dreams matter to you?" Jay looked at me and I felt as small as a person could.

Was I standing in the way of his dream?

Jay looked at me and just sighed as I sat on him, feeling like I was being that clingy girl he hated so much again. How had I even gotten on his lap? My mind was reeling as I felt cloudy and confused.