hiraeth and encores

misdirected blame

quick key that'll make sense:
regular = tommy
italics = y/n

{your pov 🪴}
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we're in a hospital again, i was never fond of them after i got those god damn stitches in my forehead when i was seven; stupid fucking drunks leaving their broken beer bottles at parks. 

i pull back the curtain guarding the bed, knowing what i'll unveil... me.

"you look peaceful." my subconscious cooes. and i did, my hair seemed good i'm glad they didn't shave my head or something.

tommy is still sitting there, he rests his head on my bed next to my arm, he seems peaceful.

{tommy's pov 🥤}
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beep beep, beep beep.

my eyes flutter open, slightly confused at my whereabouts... but i remember.

you always remember, don't you?

y/n used to tell me about a weird feeling of waking up and forgetting painful memories for a few moments. she always found it so interesting, and now i finally understand.

"oh, y/n..." i grab her hand and squeeze it gently. "i should've been there," she looked as if she was merely asleep. "i should've been awake and i should've told you i love you from the moment i felt your arms wrap around me."

{your pov 🪴}
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"tommy..." his name slips softly from my lips. he turns his head and looks... at me? but it's not me because this is just my projected consciousness of what i think this room looks like, but it feels like he can see me.

"i'm going crazy..." his stare lingers for a moment and turns back to the real me, on the hospital bed. "y'know that word you told me about: hiraeth? a deep longing for something, especially home." he chuckled weakly, "you're my home, y/n" he looks at my fragile and immobile body, "and i couldn't protect you. i didn't tell you how much you really meant to me." his voice shutters.

"no..." i shake my head, the room slightly turns gray.

"uh oh..." my subconscious slips. i turn towards her; her face twists and her jaw is clenched.

"what do you mean 'uh oh?' is something wrong?" i inch towards her.

"well..." her voice pitches up just as mine does when i'm nervous. i'm staring daggers towards her, "him blaming himself is putting your body... and mind under a lot of pressure." i move my hand to nonverbally tell her to elaborate. "well... you know how the brain affects the body..." my eyes widen and shoot to my physical self. i felt his hand caress my face. i felt my tears being wiped away, i wasn't even aware i was crying. i didn't know you could do that in a coma.

"what did they do to you?" tommy's hand shakes in frustration, his grip on my hand tightened, it hurts. "what did i do to you?" i hear soft sobs coming from him, his hand slips out of mine as he moves his arm to the bed, sobbing into himself. "it's all my fault," he looks up, his hand caresses my forehead. "you deserve better." and with that the heart beat monitor goes frantic.

the faint beeping in the background grew closer to me, suddenly i hear the droning note stop its continuousness and simply play a single held note and the room turned into a warm, fuzzy black presence.

(motherinnit's pov 🧸}
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i see doctors dart towards y/n room, i follow suit. we reach her room and they try to push me away, but i persist.