clumsy, small steps and where it would take us

23

Thirdy wasn't just learning from the classroom but also in the hospital. When the nurses found out he was a nursing student, they were enthusiastic to answer questions he had for them, especially ones that could help Bea. Although they were happy with his eagerness to learn from them, they couldn't help but feel sorry for him when they watched him from afar.

One of the nurses asked, "Why are you doing this?"

His lips curled into a smile; his eyes watched the movements of Bea's chest. "I couldn't help my brother before because I was too young. This time, kaya ko gawin. And gagawin ko po hangga't kaya ko to make things easy for her."

"Do you love her?"

They never heard a response to that. The nurses didn't need a verbal response. From the way he looked at her, the way he cared about her, they already knew.

...

Thirdy arrived outside Bea's room with Maddie inside, sitting on the chair beside Bea's bed. He didn't enter the room. He could hear them talking from the door. Maddie was crying or had a runny nose; he didn't know. She was sniffing every time she spoke. Thirdy decided he would wait for them to finish before he would enter.

He was studying for his preliminary exam when Loel arrived from his work. He was confused about why Thirdy was sitting outside. His lips pursed, pointing the visitor inside the room. Loel decided not to enter the room as well. They were there for a while, with Thirdy reading his notes from his iPad and notebook when Loel spoke. "Why are you doing this?"

Thirdy found Loel staring at the two people inside the room, which became their temporary home so they could be with Bea. His lips twitch whenever he sees Bea smiling. Thirdy followed his gaze. It seemed like Bea was saying something to Maddie, and from his peripheral view, he couldn't understand what Maddie was doing. "You don't have to do this, Thirdy." Loel continued. "You don't have to beat yourself here; help my sister. Because I am here."

Thirdy blinked, trying to prevent the tears from falling. "I just want to, Kuya.

Loel sniffed, pulling out his handkerchief from his pocket and wiping the tears from his eyes. "I never told you this, but thank you," he gazed at the man next to him. "If you are here, she's lively. She tries to communicate. She tries to be who she was before all of this happened. She is happy. She is excited every time the door opens and you step in. Mom and I are thankful for this, but you don't have to do this."

Because Loel wasn't dense on how taxing the situation was for Thirdy. He rarely goes to his dormitory to rest. Thirdy stays with Bea more than his family. He sleeps, does homework and readings, keeps Bea company, and is beside Bea. Always. Always. Thirdy rarely gets any sleep. Loel could see the dark circles under his eyes, and it didn't help that he was always in the hospital while busy with academics.

"Thirdy, why are you doing this?"

A tear trickled down Thirdy's cheeks when Bea's lips formed a smile, giggling. Thirdy's lips started quivering. He turned to Loel and forced a smile. "Because I don't want to miss her breathing."

Thirdy couldn't count how many nights he fought the urge to sleep so he wouldn't miss the ups and downs of her chest. He couldn't remember how many times he tried to place a compact mirror under her nose so he could see if she was still with them. Thirdy couldn't remember how many times he prayed to God, whenever Bea slept, that He wouldn't take her.

"Kuya, I am afraid na once pumikit ako, she will leave. I am afraid of that."

...

Maddie briskly walked past them without exchanging any words, a hand holding four pieces of paper. Her eyes were brimming red; she sniffed. She only gave them a nod before she went straight to the hallway and took the longer route, the stairs.