clumsy, small steps and where it would take us

18

Maddie spends more time in Bea's house than in her place. When Bea wasn't feeling well, Maddie volunteered to bring her homework and assisted her in completing her school requirements. Maddie is always next to her when she tries to go to school. Her eyes and arms were all over Bea, wanting to be there as much as possible to keep her away from harm.

Maddie was walking back to class, taking a quick loo break, when she saw Bea's empty chair. She looked everywhere in the building. She was nowhere to be found. She was panicking. She was about to head to the guidance office to ask for help when she heard the sound of a bouncing ball coming from the gymnasium.

Balls were sprawled all over the court. She watched Bea dribble the ball before raising it and hitting it. Bea was hopeful. Her eyes were watching the ball, hoping it crossed over the net. But her enthusiasm died along with the ball, which fell halfway before the net. Maddie could see the frustration, the sadness, the pain in Bea's eyes. But the latter just shook her head, took a deep breath, and returned to the ball cart to get another one.

Maddie never knew she could run that fast if she didn't notice Bea's legs wobble. Even before Bea fell, she was already there. Her arms wrapped around her, carefully letting her sit on the ground. Maddie felt her heart racing. What if she was a second too late? Will she suffer another concussion? What if Bea gets hurt? A lot of thoughts were running around her head. Maddie was lost in her thoughts when Bea's touch on her face startled her. Bea's thumb gently brushed away the tears streaming down Maddie's face. Maddie was unaware of her tears until Bea wiped them away.

She felt Bea's hands on her arms, stroking them gently, and Maddie burst into tears.

She had been playing with Bea for years. They have been partners. She knew how Bea played. She knew how Bea flew once her feet took off the ground. They like playing volleyball together. They love volleyball. But why was her body pulling her away from the thing she loved? Maddie cried even more. She envisioned conquering collegiate volleyball with Bea, her best friend. Seeing Bea having difficulty holding a ball, Maddie's hopes to share the same stage and wear the same medal went down like a crashing plane.

"Maddie," Bea consoles; her hands were all over Maddie's arms, hoping it would help her feel better. "It's okay. It's okay. I am here."

For now, Maddie still cries. I wish we had more time.

...

They were waiting outside of the Poveda gates. He was holding a plastic of pan de coco, which she loves. He checked his watch before his eyes bore on the exit gate. They skipped their practice for the fifth time. They informed their coach that they wanted to take a break for a while to focus on finishing their requirements, but it was a lie. They were finished. After class, they were always in Poveda, waiting for their friends to come out and go home with them. Maddie and Bea often walked home from school. Lately, the three boys have picked them up with their bicycles.

Maddie came out together with Bea. Her hands were on Bea's back, ensuring she didn't fall. They never said anything when they saw how red her eyes and nose were. The boys pulled a smile when Bea looked at them. Thirdy showed her the pastry he had bought. The girl grinned. "Thank you."

Bea rode on Thirdy's bicycle. She sat in front of him, for Thirdy wouldn't be able to see her if Bea sat behind him. And he wanted to make sure she wouldn't fall. They took the longer routes, wanting to spend as much time as possible because it was not every day they went home together, talking about how things went in their school. The ride home was slow, but they all had fun. They spoke about Math. They talked about how they hated school food and would buy outside instead. They spoke of prom. Their prom will be held on the same day. Bea asked if they would all go, but no one answered.

"I want to go," Bea mumbled, enjoying the breeze touching her face. "But I don't trust my body. It will be hard for Maddie to enjoy the party if I am there, don't you think?"

So, a few days later, the prom day, Bea found her friends outside her room, wearing their best outfits, telling her they wouldn't want her to miss the prom. Thirdy immediately installed the portable disco lights inside her room, followed by Maddie, who brought her laptop and other materials to design the room. Isaac and Anton provided the food. They ditched their prom. They never liked their prom anyway. They decided to create their one so Bea wouldn't miss having her last prom as a high school student. The three boys were bickering about the design. Maddie was overhauling Bea's wardrobe to find a dress for her when they heard a sob.

Bea was in tears, but she was not sad; she smiled. What did she do to deserve these kinds of friends? Why would they be here instead of having fun in school? But she didn't have time to ask when she saw Maddie ushering the boys out of Bea's room and pulling out a rose-gold tulle dress. Maddie's eyes were all glassy, but tears wouldn't be shed on this glorious day.

They were outside Bea's room, wanted to bang on the door, and asked what was taking so long. Thirdy was about to knock and ask if they were done when the door opened with Maddie revealing Bea in her dress. She was pretty. No, Thirdy thought. She was beautiful. She looked like a star that never stopped shining. Her dress wrapped perfectly with her curves and smile, oh her gorgeous shy smile. It was all that Thirdy needed for his night to be perfect. The boys behind him snickered, took the remote from his hold, closed the lights in Bea's room, and turned on the disco lights. A piece of slow but pop music started playing from the background. Bea slowly took a step towards the boy and held up her hand.

"Let's dance?"

Thirdy wouldn't say no to a dance with Bea.

...

She was in bliss. Her heart sang and danced, melting the pain away. She was having fun. It was ecstatic. The night was a hundred times better than those nights when she cooped up in bed and cried. Her feet were lighter; she could feel her arms and body swaying to the music that Isaac curated. She could live with this. She saw her friends' smiles and laughs. This was all that she needed.

...

Bodies sprawled on the floor, sweat forming on the top of their head. Their laughter was ringing all over the place. A Smule (Loel sneaked in 13 bottles for them) on their hands. They talked about their memories.

"Do you remember," Anton snorted. "When Thirdy and Maddie fought about sa ball na sumabit sa puno samin?"

"Oh god," Maddie grimaced, followed by a small laugh. "Don't remind me."

"Sa sobrang competitive nila. Inakyat nila yung puno. Ayun, nalaglag yung pusa ng kapit bahay. Doon pala nakatira yun."

"Grabe," Thirdy murmured, taking a sip of his drink. "Galit na galit si Tita Karo noon. Kulang na lang pagbuhulin kami ni Maddie."

"Kasalanan mo kasi yun eh," Maddie commented.

"Luh? Ako ba nakasabit?"

"Tapos umiyak lang si Bea," Anton remembered. "Maddie and Thirdy were forgiven. Feeling ko nga siya ang anak ni mommy, hindi ako."

"You were the panganay bigla kahit only son ka." Isaac added.

Anton hummed, drinking the last liquid of his alcoholic drink. He set the empty bottle aside and opened another. He looked at Bea with teary eyes, holding up his drink. "I don't mind having a sister if it was you. You were the sister that I always wanted to have."

He took another sip of his drink, and he continued. "Honestly, all of you. I am so glad that we're here together. We're always together. I never felt alone because you guys are always here with me. And I just," Anton hesitated for a moment. Until his lips trembled, he was looking down, and all of him was quivering. He blew off some steam before he smiled again through his tears. "—Kasi masaya tayo. Sana a'tin itong oras na ito."

No eyes were dry that night. They all wished for the same thing, but the world was too cruel for them to grant that. Drunk and tired, they didn't sleep that night. They heard Bea gasping in her sleep. Even breathing was a laboring task for Bea. They don't want to see those ups and downs of her chest missing.