So Voldemort acquired a few children

where the fuck in Nat's genetics did the pedo magnet come from?

It was fifth year, Nat did not like Umbridge. Severus Snape would like to state that the previous sentence was a severe understatement, he would like to say that the correct term would be that Nat would like to murder Umbridge in an infinite loop and loathes her even more than what it takes for her to do that. Severus would like to input a few quotes from Nat towards Umbridge. 

"Oh my fucking Dad, Dolores Umbitch you are so fucking annoying, do you have a fucking magical vibrator stuck so far up your ass that it's almost in your stomach or something because what the fuck is with all the bitchiness!" 
(Dolores gave her detention) 

"What the fuck is with all the damn pink, you're like a seven year old girl who wants to be a princess when they grow up. The only diference is that you're in your fifties bitch". 
(Dolores had given Nat detention for this one too)

"Stop with the cats lady you're worse than Dumbledore's collection of hit lines he's used on me, note that none of them worked." 
(Just assume that Dolores gave Nat detention for everything she says to her)

Severus was proud of Nat, and had sent the memories of the things he's seen to Voldemort. Hannah liked Nat's attitude towards the woman. Harry was happy because Nat had slapped Umbridge for trying to seperate him and Bane. Nat was waiting for Bane to fucking propose to Harry already like holy shit that centaur was anxious about it, just fucking propose or Nat will propose for you. 

Nat had slapped Umbridge five times now, Dumbledore had seen two of them and had blushed like a schoolgirl when they saw their crush, or Harry when Bane talked to him after having just woken up. 

Then, near the middle of the year she was walking with the Baron to her room when she felt a tug like a portkey and was suddenly falling out of the sky into Albus's arms. The man's face turned red and asked "Did it hurt?" Nat was confused "What?" Albus simply said "When you fell from heaven". Nat sighed "Really, you're hitting on me now of all times". Albus nodded and Nat saw fawkes before saying "Fawkes, I'm in the arms of a pedophile". The phoenix immediately scratched Albus and the man accidentally dropped Nat, who easily righted herself. Albus looked sad "Why do you like my wife more than me". Nat sighed and deadpanned "I'm not a pedophile, I'm just married to one"

Kingsley coughed and said "Albus Dumbledore you're under arrest". Albus blinked "Ah, no". then he was gone. Nat had just managed to stay out of his reach. "STOP TRYING TO KIDNAP ME ASSHOLE!" She yelled at the space he'd been in as if he could hear her. Fawkes crooned and landed on her shoulder, preening her hair and the base of her wings. 

Umbridge looked surprised "You weren't kidding when you said he hits on you. Eh whatever, he's your husband, its ok". Nat looked at the aurors and asked "Can I slap that woman?" Kingsley and the Minister blinked before both said simply "Yeah". Nat did and Umbridge looked at the Minister in betrayal. 

Nat snickered at the look and said "Minister, I'd like you to know that this woman simps for you and has been using a black quill on myself and at least one other student. Also she's a simp for you and has used the cruciatus curse on me twice". Umbridge glared "YOU LITTLE BITCH! CRUCIO!" 

Nat blinked as the spell hit her "Oh no, the cruciatus curse, it's almost as painful as having physical contact with my legal husband", she said in a monotone voice. The others were shocked and Kingsley arrested Umbridge. The minister was gaping, "Marry me" he whispered quietly. Nat cursed "NO! WHY DO I ALWAYS ATTRACT THE PEDOPHILES! BARON ADD ANOTHER ONE TO THE LIST!" The baron appeared and said "I found you, I heard you yelling about attracting pedophiles who am I adding?" Nat sighed "The minister". The Baron pulled out a piece of parchment titled "Perverts who Nat has attracted, Pedophile version". Kingsley blinked as he read it "That's a list of just the pedophiles". Nat nodded sadly "I'm a pedophile magnet Kingsley". She said somberly. 

Hannah was suddenly angry and she had no idea why but had a vague sense that something had happened. She looked at Bane, who somehow always knew. Bane sighed "The scary foal is a pedophile magnet, she's attracted another one is my guess". Hannah nodded and pulled out her to do list before adding "Ask Baron for the name of the most recent pedophile attracted to Nat". 

Voldemort hummed at the anger he could tell wasn't his before looking into Nat. "Ah, I see I'm going to kill the minister much sooner than I thought". Lucius looked at him and sighed "It happened again didn't it". Voldemort nodded and Fenrir asked "Can I kill him? He's a pedophile". Remus's eyes turned gold"Who the fuck tried to touch my pup". Fenrir blinked "You're sure that's really my childe?" Voldemort nodded "Yes, he's taken the kids in as his pups, Nat would have been the first if Harry hadn't already been one of his pups". 

Voldemort then said "Remus can kill him if he wants, otherwise Fenrir can do it, the ministor just tried to get Nat to marry her after she calmly said while Dolores Umbridge had the cruciatus curse on her "Oh no, the cruciatus curse, it's almost as painful as having physical contact with my legal husband". Nat is currently trying to convince Kingsley into playing poker with her and the Baron". Fenrir snorted "Typical little leech". Remus blinked, his eyes honey again "why do you call her a leech". The death eaters all began to laugh. Fenrir simply says "She enjoys cuddling werewolves a little too much, scary little leech she is, and HE" he points to voldemort as he spoke "Used to weaponize her against me when I disobeyed, and she loved being weaponized by him!" Voldemort sighs "You make me sound like a bad parent, she just cuddled you, she loves cuddling werewolves." Remus shrugged "Ok that makes sense now, I like to think of her as an endearing little bird that you fed and now you cant bear to get rid of." 

Voldemort blinked "That's exactly what she is, she's got wings and they look like a raven's." 

Fenrir simply said "Nah, she's an endearing little leech". 

Lucius then says "And Harry's a stabby little demon"

Fenrir rolls his eyes "you only say that because you pissed him of so he spent years trying to kill you". 

Lucius shrugs and says "But my opinion is that Nat is a little snake, in fact I bet her animagus form would be a snake! Harry's would be a centaur and he'd manage to get stuck in it, and Hannah's would be like a labrador retriever or something". 

Fenrir shook his head "Nah, Nat would be a Wolf, Hannah would be a Fox, and Harry would be...yeah he'd be a centaur and get stuck in it". 

Remus shook his head "No I think Hannah would be a grimm, Harry would definitely be a centaur and get stuck in it, and Nat would be a black phoenix". 

Voldemort said "I agree with Remus on Hannah and Harry, but I personally think that Nat would be a thestral."