Only One- Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderamma

5

Demi

        "Do you want to lay down and watch a movie?"

I looked up and Wilmer and shook my head no. My dead son couldn't watch movies, so why should I?

Wilmer sighed, "Come on Demi, talk to me. You haven't spoken since the doctor told us. You need to grieve. People need you." His voice cracked as I could see tears coming to his eyes, "I need you."

I looked into his eyes, full of the love he holds for me, mimicking the love that I once held for him. But now, I look into his eyes and feel nothing. My son can't feel anything, so why should I?

"Hermosa." He whispered, "Don't push me out. You promised, we both promised, we'd never do that to each other again."

I just stared at him, unspeaking. I just wanted to be alone, why wouldn't anyone just leave me alone?

"Please Demi-"

I stood up from the bed and walked out of the room, praying he didn't follow me, and he didn't. Instead, I heard the front door slam shut.

~*~

        I was laying in bed later that night, and Wilmer still wasn't home. I wasn't worried though. Normally, I would be freaking out, but I still felt nothing. The paralyzing numbness that had washed over me when the doctor told me my son was dead was still ever present. My body had it's own self defense system to stop me from feeling the pain my heart was enduring. It was breathtaking, and horrible. I wanted to slit my wrists and push a bottle of pills down my throat chased with another bottle of vodka. I wanted to throw myself off of a building. These feelings inside of me were masked by a neutral blank expression that at the age of fourteen, I'd perfected.

        A door opened downstairs and stumbling footsteps on the stairs reached my ears. I rolled onto my side, pretending to be asleep as Wilmer walked in. He was loud, but in his drunken state, attempting to be quiet. He fell onto the bed and rolled close to me. I could feel his both on my back as he wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close to him. I could feel myself breaking and turned over, burying my face into his chest. It's a good thing he was this drunk, because in the morning he wouldn't remember my moment of weakness. He leaned his head on top of mine and within minutes I felt his breathing even out, and knew he was in deep sleep. I looked up at him, gently moving out from underneath him and leaned on my elbow, examining his face. I wanted desperately to let him in, but I didn't want to have to deal with my grief and pain. The silence I kept up was terrible, because in reality I wanted to start screaming so bad, just to let it all out. I hated the way my mind worked, the way I shut down and shut Wilmer out. I isolate myself to prevent myself from dealing my inner turmoil. I wanted to love and grieve with Wilmer, but I couldn't let my composure loose for even a second, or I knew I'd lose it completely. With a sigh, I laid back down and looked up at his face, stroking it lightly with my fingertips, then leaning up and pressing my lips to his.

"I love you."

~*~

Wilmer

        I woke up the next morning, with Demi curled up against my chest. i could see tear tracks on her cheeks, but her sleeping expression was one of absolute peace. It killed me to know how much she was hurting inside. She didn't tell me what she was feeling, but I'd been with her long enough, and knew her well enough to know what was going on inside that mind of hers. I hated that she was blaming herself for things she couldn't control, because she doesn't deserve that. She keeps shutting me out, keeping a blank expression, but I could see the pain in her eyes. It was the same pain that was mimicked in mine. As much as I wanted to be the strong one and show her that it was going to be okay, I'm dealing with the grief too. I lost my son. I had visions, for the past nine months, about the way he would look, the way his eyes would mimic Demi's. I saw him taking his first steps, and winning a baseball trophy. And now, all of that was gone. I wanted him to be here, and I was angry at the world, and God, for taking him away.

Maybe if I'd made better decisions in dealing with that anger, instead of just feeling sorry for myself, I wouldn't of single handedly ruined my entire life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Comment and Vote!

Twitter: @Lovatic_Chica

-Rachel