Little Secrets (h.s. au)

eleven

When I arrive at the studio, I’m told what to do and I follow the redhead, Judi, around. She teaches me everything I’ll have to know and I nod, getting everything she needs. 

The day goes by fast and I help close, driving home after. I get home and Harry is cooking dinner, my feet walking towards him and kissing his cheek. When I walk to the bedroom, I change out of my paint splattered shirt and take it to the laundry room. I treat it and set it in the washing machine, walking back into the kitchen.

“Hey,” he says, my body stopping to look at him.

I’m nervous around him after last night, his words causing me to be left confused and unassured.

“I’m not going to do anything,” he says, grabbing my hand and pulling me into him. I hug him lightly, his lips releasing a sigh.

“Please forgive me for what I said. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he whispers, my eyes closing as he pulls me closer.

“I know. It made me realize that I’m holding you back a bit,” I say, his hand grabbing my cheek.

“No. You’re not. I don’t know why you think this because it’s not true. I don’t want sex. I haven’t had sex since I was 19. You’re not holding me back in any way.”

His eyes are on me and I close my eyes, his lips pressing to my forehead.

“Believe me. Please,” he begs, my head nodding.

“I’m being irrational. I’m sorry,” I say.

“No worries, beautiful. I have dinner for us,” he says, handing me a bowl of Pad Thai.

I thank him and we sit on the couch, talking about our days. He keeps his hands to himself but I curl into his body, setting my bowl on the table when I finish. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and he turns the TV on. We watch a movie and I fall asleep while watching.

When I wake up, it’s pitch black in the bedroom and the other side of the bed is empty. It’s 3 in the morning, so I climb out of bed in search of Harry. He’s not in the bathroom and I walk out of the bedroom, looking around the house. I spot his chocolate curls on the couch, his shirtless torso hunched over. I walk towards him and hear his sniffles, my body sitting beside him. As soon as I’m beside him though, he pulls me onto his lap and cries into my shoulder.

My fingers run through his hair and I hold him to me tightly, my lips frowning. I’m afraid to ask him, but I know if he keeps it in, it won’t help.

“What happened?” I ask, his fingers tight on my shirt.

“My father passed away,” he cries, my heart slumping in my chest.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, his body slumped in sadness.

“I-I have to go to England. I booked tickets,” he cries, my arms holding him tightly.

“Can I come?” I ask, his head nodding.

He holds me tightly and I kiss his cheek and forehead, holding onto the crook of his neck as I try to sooth him. He sobs into my arms and I hold onto him, trying to get him to calm down. He’s so upset, just as I was when this happened to me.

We’re in each other’s embrace for nearly an hour before I can finally get him into the bed, his resistance to letting me go high. All I do is get him a glass of water and come back for him, his throat swallowing the entire glass before he pulls me into him tightly. I rest his head on my chest so I can brush through his hair and he sighs.

“We did everything together,” he says, my hand running through his hair to get him to relax.

“It hurts so much,” he chokes, my arms tightening around him.