Yours Truly

19 - Sharing the Burden

 Frozen. 

        Charlotte stood frozen on the porch. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to feel, what to say, what to think. The telegram fluttered out of her fingertips. She couldn't pick it up. She stood rooted to the spot, unable to do anything at all.

        Dead. 

        Will was dead. 

        Inside, Charlotte was screaming horrible screams. Inside, she was clawing herself, sobbing her eyes out like a little girl. She was begging, pleading with God to bring him back. She was throwing a fit. 

        But Charlotte was frozen. 

        Marie McCaden was still falling apart on the porch, crying out to the sky. Charlotte wanted to rub her back and tell her that it was all going to be okay, but how could Charlotte say that? How could she say that when she didn't believe it herself? Nothing was going to be okay. Will was dead. The boy Charlotte loved was gone, never to return. He was dead.

        Charlotte heard nothing but her heartbeat and her heavy breathing. 

        One of the officers was trying to talk to Charlotte, but she couldn't hear a single word. She wanted to cry. She wanted to cry and break down, but not in front of everybody. She couldn't bear the thought of breaking down in public.

        She pushed the officer roughly out of the way and began to run. 

        Charlotte couldn't breathe. She choked as she ran down the dirt path. She didn't know where she was going, all she knew was that she wanted to be alone. She couldn't bear to see Will's mother sobbing on the porch. She couldn't bear to hear the empty words of sympathy from the officers. She couldn't bear to see the telegram for gory details. She couldn't bear to do much of anything. 

        As Charlotte ran, she felt her sanity slipping away. The pain was so strong, so immediate, so there-- it hit Charlotte like a ton of bricks. She ran, harder than she'd ever run in her entire life. 

        Charlotte ran. She ran and she ran, a fist of agony closing over her heart. She felt a pain like no other engulf her completely. She felt... alone. She found herself running down a familiar dirt path. She found herself kicking off her shoes as she ran up a grassy hill, where she was alone. 

        Charlotte stumbled and fell, catching a mouthful of grass. She began to sob, where nobody could see her. 

        "You promised!" Charlotte wailed to the air, as the tears streamed down her face. She sobbed horrible heartbroken sobs, letting it all go. "You promised you would come back!" Her hoarse voice sounded strangled, broken and choked. 

        Charlotte blubbered and sputtered like a little girl. She let herself become weak. For so long, she'd been putting on a brave face, acting strong for Marie. She had been hiding all the fear she felt. All the pain, all the loneliness, all the worry-- and now, Will was dead. 

        "WHY?" Charlotte screamed, pulling on her own hair. She knew she shouldn't be angry with God, but... she couldn't help herself. She couldn't help it. It just wasn't fair. None of it was fair. 

        Charlotte thought about his eyes, and she broke even more. She thought about his arms around her, and his lips, and how he was gone. She could search the world, and she'd never find him. He was just... gone. Her heart broke over and over again as Charlotte let it all out, screaming and kicking the tree trunk. She buried her face in her arms. The hill was supposed to be her and Will's place.