" you are worthless"
" all you ever do is sit around and do nothing, i swear your useless"
" Sometimes I really wish you were never born"
" I wouldn't care if you died"
" You deserve what he did to you"
These words...coming from her parents. All it teaches her is pain. She starts to believe in their words. When she looks in the mirror she doesn't see the bright and happy girl that was there years prior. She misses her childhood although things were not much better than they are now.
Always the problem child, always the mistake. 'Thats what you are' she thinks to herself. Nobody ever wants her around and shes sure of it. Her mom gets close only when she needs a favor only when she wants something. She has to hide her sadness her brokenness. Everyday she puts on a mask in front of her family. Isn't that supposed to be the time where you can take it off and be yourself? Aren't you supposed to feel safe at home? Be happy and comfortable there.
Shes not. She doesn't feel at home, she doesn't feel safe. Shes tired, emotionally, physically, mentally all of it. Shes tired. Everyday she does all the chores she has to do, she babysits, takes care of the pet. Yet in response all she gets is complaints and yelled at by her sibling and parents saying that she does nothing. They tell her shes worthless, they tell her shes useless. They tell her no one will ever love her.
She starts to believe them. She loses herself in the shadows. The shadows take over and anything and everything that was left of the sweet girl before is gone. She turns cold and doesn't care anymore. Her eyes are dead,the shimmer they once held is gone.
She looks in the mirror at her cold eyes and sighs. Missing the girl she once was. reaching up to the mirror she puts her hand to hers and asks for it back. Pleads for the happiness, the emotions, everything back. She wants to feel again. She wants to cry but she's already cried to many tears so not one dares to fall.
Slowly she heads back to her room, head down as she passes people in the hall. Maybe a nap will make it all feel better. Maybe.... Just one very long nap should work. Maybe it will be better if she never woke up.
'I want it back, I want the feelings back'
