54 - Past

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"Also..." I started. "I had a little conversation today, with a certain someone."

"Oh?" he responded, his laughter settling down.

"With Mason."

"Oh."

God, I couldn't have been more wrong.

--

If I knew he'd react this way, I wouldn't have said what I said. I should have waited. I should have let him go the weekend not knowing. How could he focus now that I've inconvenienced him with news that really wasn't relevant?

I can talk to Daniel about anything, I know I can. We both know the importance of communication, in any relationship. Taking who I had called into consideration, said person being an ex, I thought it might be something Daniel might want to hear about. Especially since it went well, for me at least.

If we were to switch roles, in this context, I would surely want to know.

But, that didn't change my mind. If I could go back, I would. If I could reverse time, I'd easily just go back and stay in that moment where we were laughing, where I had him smiling, and back in a good mood after a horrible day in a race car. A feeling I know all too well.

I wouldn't have said what I said. I shouldn't have. Not then.

"Yeah," I clicked my tongue as I waited a beat, giving him a chance to hopefully respond. The booming silence lasted far too long, as the air in my kitchen around me seemed to shrink down on me. I could hear his breathing, low and slow. Measured. He was waiting. Waiting to see who would break the silence. I should wait. Or, should I speak first? Should I explain?

"He texted me first. And, I totally wasn't going to respond. But, then I thought, 'why not?', you know?"

My nerves showed in how my laugh skipped as it came out. And I knew he heard it. I twisted my lips to one side of my face, then to the other, my cheekbones straining under the pressure and my heart thudding against my chest as I waited still for him to respond. To say something. Anything.

"It wasn't, like, anything weird, or anything-"

My mind was racing a hundred miles a second, probably even faster than that. I must have ran a hand through my hair a million times, only to re-tuck my face-framing layers back behind my ears neatly. I had to stop fidgeting, it was only making me feel worse.

"He just wanted to give me an explanation. His point of view." God, Alexa Rae, will you ever stop talking?

I groaned, knowing by his silence immediately that I had fucked up. I should have kept my mouth shut. This could have waited until he got back. You know, maybe I shouldn't have even called Mason. Maybe that's the root of the problem. I just had to have my answers, I was greedy for information. For affirmation. From someone who was entirely irrelevant. About something that was now entirely irrelevant.

"Daniel, please, talk to me," I held my head in my hands, staring down at the marble as I spoke, begged, for any sort of response. A grunt, a hum, a sigh in exasperation, anything. He clearly wasn't happy, and in this circumstance, I didn't know what I could do to make it better.

"Let me get this straight. I leave-" Daniels voice shook. "I have a shit weekend, on top of the past two shit race weekends. Tomorrow's probably going to be shit as well. And you- you... text your ex?"

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