Keep Me In | DR3 | BOOK 1

63 - Them Changes

My head shook in denial, the tears beginning to roll down my cheeks, stinging my lips in an overwhelmingly salty arrival. This was my fault.

"But I love you, Daniel."

"I love you, too, Alexa. So much. But I don't think that's enough for me at this point. Not if you don't trust me."

--

- 📍 London, England -

There was no way my mood could possibly worsen - even as I wrestled with my carry-on, seemingly hitting every object even slightly intruding into the aisle of the plane back home. There was nothing that could stop the negative train of thought.

Thankfully, I had Molly in front of me, sharp eyes locked between the ground and her ticket as she watched for our aisle number, and Carlee on my heel going off about how she was too large to travel. I tried my best to focus on them, on what was happening now, but all I could think about was one thing.

How excited I was to go home. To just be alone. In silence.

I thought about my couch, how I had my favourite throw folded and draped across the armrest. It's warmth enveloping me in the purposefully darkened room, the only light permitted would be one of my many candles lit and the TV as it played one of my current binge-worthy shows. How soothing a hot cup of black tea, grossly over-steeped, would feel as it singed its way down my throat.

Maybe I would let myself fall asleep there. It wouldn't be a hard task, the way my body could relax into the cushions, creating a perfect mold of my every curve and bend. But yet, solid enough to make me feel supported.

Because that was what I really needed right now. Support. No; I needed someone to tell me it would all be okay. That I was fine before him, and that I'd be fine without him.

As of right now, I wasn't convinced.

"Lex? Hello-o?" Carlee tapped on my shoulder, interrupting my train of thought.

"Yeah?"

"My love, sit the fuck down, please and thank you."

Following her gesturing gaze, I quickly looked down to Molly, who already had made herself comfortable in her seat and was also looking at me, a wary smile lifting her cheeks.

He wasn't far - I hated that I knew him well enough to be able to spot him in a plane full of seated occupants just by the back of his head. His headphones matted a strip of curls that normally bounded off the top of his head where be sat, a few rows up from us. I hated when his curls flattened. If I was sitting next to him, I'd pull his headphones up a touch, at least to maintain the short ringlets. He sat in the aisle, my aisle, close enough that I could take a step and be in arms length of him. Blake sat in the centre beside him, while Michael stood in the opposing aisle from me, catching my observing eye as he shoved the last of their baggage into the overhead compartment.

I darted my eyes away, exhaling through my mouth and snapping back to it, before Carlee tried to force me down herself. Michael watched me, shooting a sorry smile in my direction before sitting down himself.

There was no way it was a good idea for me to stay for the race. I should have gone straight from his drivers room, back to the hotel to grab my things, and then to the airport from there. But I couldn't have, not without Dad asking why.