Worthless

What Did I Do To Deserve This -chapter 9

Depression is getting worst , everyday I wonder that if I just disappeared would anyone even care . I'm dying inside , that awkward eye contact that Jason and I have kills me . I look into his eyes and just remember everything that happened , how he made me feel , how he was there for me when no one else was . I went off to find a new bestfriend someone else who would always be there for me . I found one , his name is John , he made a very good point the other day . When I found out I was moving back to point Mac I told him why , " I don't want to see Jason happy with someone else " I told him " what about me ?" John said . I told him I couldn't see him with someone else or I would stay "he was always there for me , even after Marcus and I broke up " I said "yea but who's here for you now " John told me then my phone died . I thought of what he said for along time , I mean I know he's not here for me anymore but I just have that feeling that one day he will fall in love with someone else and do the same thing he did with me and that will hurt more than anything . I don't want to be around to see that . Jason and I are finally talking to eachother again but we haven't had a full conversation, but today we talked all night ! Then he talked to me at school , while I was doing a project I was sitting there screaming "he talked to me, he talked to me " and I couldn't stop smiling . Everyone at my group was screaming shut up but I was to happy to be down at the moment , but then I looked over at him and saw how happy he was without me . He's always happy without me even tho I'm living in pure depression without him . Every second that I'm not with him is killing me .