And If You Ask Me, I Will Stay.

Chapter Six.

Since September had inadvertently forced us to admit how we felt about one another, Declan and I hadn't mentioned it since. Things had been different between us. I was closed off to him; my words were short and abrupt, I hardly made eye contact with him, and when September didn't need me, I avoided him at all costs. I had closed myself off, and Declan knew it--I could see it whenever I chanced a look at him. I hated knowing that I was the reason for the sadness in his eyes, but I couldn't help it. It bothered me to know he had an insight to the fact that I still loved him; it wasn't something I would have made public willingly. The thing about it was that it made me feel pathetic. Declan had left me for someone else--whom he was still with. I didn't want to seem like I was pining after him, unable to move on after all these years--even though that's exactly what it was. I was also doubtful of his feelings, even though he himself had said he still loved me. Honestly, I just didn't want to set myself up for yet another unbearable heart break.

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My alarm had gone off about two minutes go, but I had yet to drag myself out of bed. I stared unseeingly at the ceiling. I did not want to get out of bed today. Why? Because today was April 25th.

On July 25th, 2010, Declan and I had gotten married. Today was Aprifil 25th, 2016. Yet another anniversary that would go uncelebrated.

As I continued to stare at the ceiling above me, I thought back to that day, just as I always did.

That had been one of the happiest of my life. We had decided to elope because of issues that had come up that day, with only my brother November and his wife Cicely as our witnesses. It had been a wonderful, magical night, when it didn't hurt, it made me smile to think of it.

The majority of the pain from the break up came from losing Declan. A lot of it, though, came from the fact that I had broken every rule I'd set for myself for him in vain. I'd broken my rules of never falling in love, never getting married, never trusting someone enough to let them into my heart. Why? Because the very idea of it happening terrified me. I'd been through enough in my life; heart break was something I didn't need to experience. But then Declan blew into my life and literally turned my world upside down. I threw aside everything I'd ever known for him; I fell in love with him, I gave him my heart, I accepted his marriage proposal and became his wife, and for a while we were happier than anyone could have possibly imagined. But it fell apart, all because he believed the lies of a woman that was only using him. Declan broke my heart, along with every promise he'd made me. And yet here I was six years later, still so hung up over him.

A quiet sigh escaped me. I lifted my blankets and rolled out of bed. The curtains were still drawn, the door still shut, shrouding the room in shadows. I padded across the cold wooden floor to my dresser. I opened the small jewelry box I kept my jewelry in and extracted a necklace.

I was pretty set in my ways. It was rare for me to change my likes and dislikes, my preferences, my style, products I used; this included jewelry. I typically wore at least one bracelet, always had a hair tie with me, usually a ring or two, and always a necklace. And I had been wearing the same necklace for the past six years.

Instead of putting it on and going about my usual morning routine, I pooled the necklace in the palm of my hand and studied it.

Handing from the thin silver chain were two rings. One was a silver wedding band, the other an engagement ring with three square cut amethysts atop a silver band, the crystals the exact color of my eyes. I traced the rim of the wedding band with my thumb, my eyes on the engagement ring. The memory of how I got it brought a faint, ghostly smile to my face.