I'm yours | Lady Dimitrescu

Chapter 4

The pain in my chest was heavy and I felt my heart break into pieces over and over again. Normally I had a smile on my lips, but I felt like it wasn't possible anymore. It felt wrong to smile, the image from the dead bodies of my parents still clear before my eyes. I changed into my maid outfit and walked to Lady Dimitrescu's chambers to wake her up and get her ready. My mind and body were on autopilot and my movements were like a robot with no emotion. I knocked at the Mistress' door and entered, she was already at her vanity and was applying her lipstick, but when she saw me she stopped and turned towards me. "Lilith? You don't have to work after what happened yesterday. I understand if you need a few days off" she said to me and tried to take my hand, but I stood to far away from her. I grabbed her dress out of her closet and stepped on the stepladder, waiting that I could close the buttons on her dress. Lady Dimitrescu sighed and let me get her dressed, when I closed all the buttons she sat down at her vanity again and held her brush towards me. She hoped to get a reaction out of me, because usually I wasn't allowed to touch her hair, but I just took the brush out of her hand and started combing it and then pinned it into her usual style. When I finished I bowed to her and left the room.

My legs brought me to the library and to the lounge chair I always occupied when I had the opportunity to be in the library at my free time. I sat down and stared at nothing, my mind was rambling, and it wouldn't stop. Voices screamed in my head, blaming me for the death of my parents, saying it should have been me instead of them, that I left them to die. A silhouette formed in front of me, but I couldn't focus on it. A hand touched my cheek, and I heard Daniela's voice in my ears. "Hey, hey Lilith come back to us! Don't let the voices take over your mind." She grabbed something in my hands and pulled it out of my grip. It was my dagger which I carried around all the time, since one of the Moroaica's tried to kill me while I had to get Lady Dimitrescu's Sanguis Virginis from the cellar. I hadn't even noticed that I held it in my hands and had cut my thigh a few times, but it seems like I stopped a couple of minutes ago, because the blood had dried. Daniela and the headmaid Ingrid were the only ones who knew about my self-harm and Daniela was the most protective daughter of all three, even though she's the most maniac of the three. For a moment my eyes focused on her, and she took that chance to say, "Don't move, I will get some bandages!" She turned into her swarm of flies, flew away and when she got back I was gone. "Lilith!" she screamed my name, but I wandered out of the castle to the courtyard, it was cold today and the girls wouldn't go out. I sat down on one of the benches and looked into the sky for a few minutes, then I felt a hand on my shoulder. The smell of tobacco, vanilla and blood reached my nose, and I knew it was my Mistress. She said nothing, just sat next to me and pulled me into a hug, I wanted to pull away, but her grip tightened, and my body got limp in her embrace, that's when it happened I felt the wetness on my cheeks and knew I was crying. A heart shattering sob escaped my lips and my body trembled, but Lady Dimitrescu held me in her arms and let me cry my heart out. "It's okay" she whispered and caressed my hair, while I grabbed her sides and buried my face deeper into her neck. I sat in her lap my legs around her waist, but I couldn't care less at the moment. After she let me cry for another 20 minutes she stopped caressing my hair and said, "Look at me pet." My eyes wandered to hers, she brushed the remaining tears away and whispered "You're not alone, my daughters and me are always here for you. You can talk to us; do you understand this?" I nodded and looked down, I couldn't keep the eye contact, it was too much at the moment and I stood up. She sighed loudly and wanted to take my hand, but I stepped away and walked into the castle again. She must have smelt the blood on me, but I was grateful that she hasn't questioned it and chose to ignore it.