What Was Your Name?

Mine

Roa's POV:

She really scared me for a second, but I was flooded with relief. If she even remembers just my name, it's a start. But I still can't help but be worried that she was guessing because of the picture she saw of us all together. But maybe...just maybe I should take her out for a night on the town tomorrow, just the two of us. I'd have to choose her outfit for that day, and many, many others. But the way she looks so helpless, with her big, newly innocent smoky diamond of an eye and the thick, heavy blanket she has wrapped over her shoulders even though we're in mid-June.

I want it all to myself, whether it's the heartstring-pulling moments like these or the moments she takes control of. I don't care what it is at this point, even if she's braiding my hair so tightly I feel my scalp being pulled. I never got to touch her adorable chubby hips or hear her small, excited gasps for something like a snow globe. There are just so many things we never got to experience, and I want to do it all.

For small examples, we've never gone ice skating before, nor have we tried cooking classes or ballroom dancing. She seemed so interested in the Nightclub 2 step. I'm trying to see how she got from the girl who had more and more men drooling over her and certain she wanted to spend our eternal lives together (hell, even wanted kids) to someone who needed to rediscover her place in the great big world. It scares me. This isn't my Autumn, this is a ghost in her skin.

The people who don't know her always tell me how lucky I am as if I didn't even notice that. They told me that because they saw only a fraction of what I saw. Wide hips, perfect breasts, petite-looking for her height, the way her glasses wrap her up like a beautiful present. I saw all that, but I also saw the underweight, frail girl, scared of the world in a similar way to the way she looks right now. Hell, when she inhales too sharply, you can see her ribs. There's a scar that makes her back look like cracked porcelain. I hate looking at it and want to kill the person who put it there.

I remember being so scared when I found out that she wanted me the way I wanted her. Instead of waiting for my move, she started stalking me and breaking into my room when I was asleep. I should honestly have thanked her, if it weren't for the push, I would have stayed on the sidelines forever.

"Look. How about we go to the park tomorrow, and we can get ice cream?" I asked, trying to calm myself. I waited for an answer until I felt her nod against my chest. Our cups were shattered on the balcony's ivory tiles, warm tea cooling with the night air. I took her hand, and I led her to our room. I'll still protect Autumn no matter what. I was looking at the sky when Bella broke through to the balcony, her long, slender elven ears gently twitching.

She looked proud of herself, holding up a fist with nothing there. "I. Got us all. Burgers!" She panted, opening her eyes. She saw her empty hand and started looking around for said burgers. "Did I... not just go get us food?" She asked. I guess being brought back for the first time is kinda weird and scary. I shook my head, picking Autumn up like the princess she is and gently scooting past Bella. "Wait- then where was I, Roa?" She called after me. "Where did I go?"

I laid her down in our old bed, putting the old stuffed toy I slept with for company in the clothes bin. I sat down in the fluffy chair Violet got Autumn for her birthday. I seemed to pass out the second I rested myself on the smaller version of a couch. I slept a lot better; but when it comes to my sleeping habits, "a lot better" means I don't get those sudden instincts to find and care for someone who wasn't there. A start, but I don't want our day in town to turn into her waiting for me in my therapist's waiting room. It's been a long, tough six months without her. 

My dreams swallow my subconscious mind. Goodnight.