the wrong lover at the right time

november, 2020

november, 2020.

and here i was. talking to mo every day in school, after school, at home, on facetime, constant texts, but what did it mean to him?

well, i did not understand why he wouldn't ask me out, why he didn't want to be with me.

it got to the point where kevin would talk to mo about our relationship status, but his reply would always be that he "did not want to hurt" me because he would be going away to college the following year and i will still be at home.

long distance does not work, i know that. i did not want to be with mo forever, but i wanted to be able to call him mine. my person. something no one else could do.

i was warned he was not a "relationship type guy," but i didn't care. he made me happy and i could not give that up. not for anyone.

endless text messages, whispers from his jealous friends, and hugs in crowded hallways made me feel like i had the high school romance everyone wanted.

i was a geeky junior and he was a popular senior- who would've guessed?

i knew he was talking to other girls, but it didn't bother me because he was not mine and they knew about me too. i didn't feel like i was competing with anyone for his time. after all, he would always tell me that he liked me because i was different than anyone else he has talked to.

later i found out that difference between me and all of the other girls was how i have the capability of forming my own thoughts and would not try and have sex with him at any given moment. i was somewhat civilized yet intelligent which is something he was not used to.

i just wanted a troy bolton/gabriella montez relationship. the popular boy and nerdy girl who met because of theatre. that's what we were.

one afternoon, mo and i followed our normal routine and stayed after school planted in our usual spot talking about the day. there was nothing extraordinary about this.

once everyone around us was gone, mo's friends watched us from across the lobby.

after a few moments, they started pointing and laughing at him. for standing there. talking to me.

he stood his ground. mo continued our conversation and paid no mind to his friends on the other side of the room.

in that moment, i knew he was choosing me. he was accepting me as a piece of his life no matter what his friends thought about me.

even to this day i think about this moment. his friends chris, jeremy, and gianluca laughing at me. laughing at us.

i am not bringing these people up in the story to name drop, but as a reference point for the future. we will come back to these boys in a few months.