the wrong lover at the right time

december, 2020

december, 2020.

people began noticing me and mo. i would hear whispers as we walked down the hallway together and see confused glances when he would hug me before walking away.

so many girls wanted to be in my place. on the surface, i had him wrapped around my finger, but underneath i believe it was the opposite.

during weekends or breaks, mo and i would talk until disturbingly late hours, but these were not our normal conversations.

mo wanted to know my sexual history, aspirations, and kinks. and this was his time to ask me about them.

at the time, of course, i was a virgin who was an ex fanfiction writer, so i knew my stuff, i just never went through the act.

in hindsight, he fetishized my virginity and my innocence regarding sex. he was amused at the fact i has never let a man pleasure me in any way, so he wanted to be the first.

december rendered nothing special between me and mo, but i did meet another boy.

one night i was at a party with my friends from another town. after a few hours and a few more drinks, my friend jacob walked up to me to let me know there had been two guys watching me the whole night.

neither one of these boys talked to me that night, but the next morning i received and instagram dm asking for my snap. i obliged and had given it to him.

his name is evan. he is a dark, hispanic boy with a deep yet sweet voice.

we clicked instantly. i felt so comfortable talking to him, a comfort i had never felt in any of my relationships previously, even more comfortable than i felt with mo. and that's saying something.

i could actually be myself with evan. i did not need a filter. i did not need to think about my phrasing before things came out of my mouth.

but i did not stop talking to mo. evan went to a different school, so they didn't need to know about each other.

never drop the hoes. that's my mantra.

during december break, mo asked me to spend the night with him for new years and of course i said yes.

we had everything planned. his house would be empty for the night and i told my parents i would be spending the night at my best friend durva's house.

well, on new year's eve at noon, he canceled on me.

my heart was shattered. we had planned this weeks in advance for everything to work, but here i was. new year's eve at home with my family instead of with the boy i had been pining over for two months.