When I had informed him of my first day feeling like a "girl" he payed way more attention to me. Really, the first thing he asked, was to touch my boobs, I hated the thought of it, but I said yes.
We were dating long distance so we talked in roleplay, of course he couldnt touch my chest physically but he could through roleplay, it still made me feel off. Everything we did in roleplay made me feel off really, the way he initiated smut rp, or the way he touched himself on call with me and showed me what he was doing. The way he told me to touch myself too, or moan for him. I hated all of it, but I did it for him. Because I thought that losing Jason would mean the end of the world.
That same night, when we called, he payed every ounce of his attention to me, he never looked away from me for a second. But, he was looking for the wrong reasons.
I was young, and I knew what he wanted. He wanted to see me bare. I wore a bra to our face time call, he stared down at my chest, gaping.
I sent memes, I tried to make conversation, but none of it worked as he stared at my cleavage.
My brain thought, well, I have him hooked, he wont ever leave me like everyone else. And I began to do things I wasnt proud of, but he sure was.
I removed my bra, but I didnt let him see it. I sat there without it on and smiled as he blushed. I loved the attention, but, I just wish he could have not been so weird about my chest.
I was depressed. But I told myself that it was all my fault, I wasnt a great lover. I went to sleep that night, crying.
