𝙋𝙡𝙖𝙮 𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙚 || 𝙉𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙅𝙖𝙘𝙤𝙗𝙨

𝟏𝟏. 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐫 𝐝𝐨𝐠𝐬

We all walked in, it was fairly early; 9 pm. I was dressed in a black blazer with black dress pants and a white lacy short bralette. The boys just wore the usual suit and tie. So far I only seen Daniel, Rue, Lexi, Cassie and Jules and a few other sophomores. Matt was holding my hand and I was standing in between him and Fez. "I'll be out back by those lawn chairs if you need me, and Ash?" Ash stuck his head out from beside Fez and smiled at me "I'll be upstairs probably, you'll find me in one of those rooms I guess" and with that they walked off. Although I never needed them when it came to parties they always made sure they knew where I was, and I knew where they were. That's their way of showing they love me and care; they become protective. "So, like are you guys gonna fuck tonight or what?" Theo turned and looked down at us, smiling and gazing at my chest. "Wh- what the fuck bro?" Matt scoffed and scrunched his face pulling me away from his brother, turning around and eyeing him as we walked off.
"It's not very much of a party yet I'd say" Matt looked at me and we walked towards the island in the kitchen, swamped with drinks and cups that have been placed perfectly in order. "We can make it one?" He picked up two red cups and placed them beside each other, eyeing up the tequila and pouring a little bit into my cup and more than enough for him to get drunk, in his. "Well, well , well Matthieu. I thought you weren't the type to drink?"He smirked and started gulping down the full cup of tequila, I took the quick shot of mine and placed it down and he looked at me, easing an eyebrow. "Wanna dance?" I nodded and he pulled me by my hand towards the group of people in the living room dancing. The room was lit up by only a few dim blue lights and that was it. I guess that was the typical house party set up.
"I fucking love this song" He spoke and turned to face me, nodding his head and bouncing a little. "We are always running for the thrill of it, thrill of it" he sang loudly along. Walking on a dream was a song that me and Nate used to blast on our summer car rides. "Penny for your thoughts?" I was brought out of my trance and immediately looked up at Matt, noticing Nate in the background walking in with Maddy. "No I just wanna dance" I took his hand and started spinning with him, giggling at how the sudden look of motion sickness took over him. "Never looking down, I'm just in awe of what's in front of me" we were laughing and dancing around like no one else was there, but I knew he was looking. I knew he was thinking about the summer car rides too. "Wait I- Xan I think I'm gonna be fucking sick" Matt rushed past me and ran up the stairs, fumbling his way to the bathroom.
"I fucking knew he wasn't a drinker." I mumbled to myself in a sarcastic tone, making my way to the island again trying to find something to keep me occupied. "Enjoying yourself I see." Nate. I didn't bother to look up and continued to pour myself a cup of pink Whitney. "I'm not so sure. Wasn't as awesome as it would've been dancing with you." It took me a moment to realize what I just said. Holy fuck I was flirting with him. "Xan-" I walked away and sat on the leather sofa, looking at the group of people huddled together dancing.
"We are always running for the thrill of it, thrill of it. Always pushing up the hill, searching for the thrill of it." I quietly sang along and bopped my head, waiting for Matt to come along, any minute now.
I watched as Nate walked over to the speaker and connected his phone, leaning against the wall and scrolling on his phone while he chose a song. He put on "I wanna be yours" by the Arctic monkey and looked towards me, holding eye contact with me as the song began. He walked through a crowd of people and stood in front of me, reaching his hand out and smirking. "Fucking dance" he huffed out as I pulled myself up with his hand.
"Secrets I have held in my heart, are harder to hide than I thought" he wrapped his hand on my lower waist and started pulling me towards him. "Maybe I just wanna be yours, I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours." I looked in his eyes the entire time. We were both here with other people, Maddy with Nate and Matt with me but here we were. Completely different costumes of which matched another persons and all we could think about was each other. I felt his hands roam my body like they've never been there before, he slipped his hand in my blazer and felt my revealed skin that my top didn't cover. He had me against his chest, in front of everyone he held me as we swayed to the song and just inhaled each others scent and soaked up the moment as it we knew it wouldn't last long. "You know I love you, Xan." He kissed my forehead and leaned into me. I knew he loved me but whatever we had wasn't gonna last, it never did whenever we tried. "I wanna be with you, just you. Not Maddy, no one else." He pulled away from me and looked down placing his hands on the side of my face and searching for an answering in my body language. "I wanna be with you too." I did wanna be with him, I really did. I also wanted to be with Matthieu because I knew he was good for me. He was what I needed; healthy, selfless and caring. Nate was what I wanted though, he was loving sometimes, he listened, he made me feel good. I guess I'm a bad person for admitting to the way I loved the chase and obsession and the games we played. I used to wonder when we weren't together and we would often stare at each other in the halls, if he remembered the way we would look at each other. The words we would say to each other, or if he forgot.