Fallen Angel

15

Jeremy's POV:

"My head..." I moan, turning dramatically in the bed until I realize there's an arm around my waist. "Uh..."

Carter is sound asleep next to me, and he has one arm wrapped around my waist, his face pressed into my back. He's wearing a shirt, which I know is uncommon for him because he told me that he hates wearing clothes to bed when I knocked on his door at nine in the morning a few weeks ago and it took him fifteen minutes to get to the door.

I'm feeling really anxious; did we sleep together?

As in... sex?

I know I drank quiet a bit last night and I'm not sure whether or not Carter drank. I'm confident he'd never force me to do anything if he was sober, but is drunk Carter the same way?

Why else would we be in a bed together?!

There's another spare room in here, and I'm wearing his clothes! Yes, clothes are a good thing, but it's kind of cold in here so what if we drunkenly dressed up after having sex?!

Now I'm not a virgin and I don't even remember it!

Not only am I now not a virgin, but I slept with a guy. According to the stuff I read online, (that I shouldn't have because it lead to a lot of uncomfortable pictures) you're supposed to be really sore, so maybe I did the top thing?

God, I'm going to Hell for sure!

Premarital sex and with a guy?!

No, no, no, get that out of your head!

Father Juan told me I'd get to go to Heaven even if I like guys, and I just have to be a good, honest person. But... what if I initiated the sex? What if I forced Carter into it?!

Oh my God!

I'm a rapist and I hurt someone who I really care about!

My head is pounding already, and it gets even worse when I start to cry quietly, my shoulders shaking. Why am I such a bad person? Even if I'm really falling for Carter, there's no way he'll want anything to do with me after I harmed him in such a horrible, unforgiving way!

I feel Carter pull me closer and he turns me around so we're facing each other.

"Jer? What's wrong?" he whispers, wiping my tears from my cheeks. "Does your head hurt that bad? I'll get you some orange juice and toast, uh-"

I cut his speaking off by hugging him tighter than he's holding me and sobbing into his shirt. "I'm sorry!"

"Uh... just so we're on the same page... what are you apologizing for?" he asks, and he sounds genuinely confused.

Were we that drunk?!

"We had sex and we were drunk!" I cry, looking at his bewildered expression. "And I'm not in pain so that means I must have done it to you and that means I'm a rapist!"

Carter shushes me, rubbing my back as I cry.

I don't deserve his comfort!

"Jer, nothing happened between us, I promise," he soothes. "I drank one beer and it was early enough in the evening that I was fully sober when we went to bed. You were really drunk and threw up, and you got really clingy so I let you sleep in here. Your bag is still at my place so I lent you some of my old pajamas. You're not a rapist, Jeremy."

I sniffle, wiping my eyes and letting out shaky breaths. "I didn't hurt you?" I ask, my voice really high pitched. "You're... you're all okay?"

"Jeremy, you could barely walk to bed, let alone do anything to anyone. Plus, it's not who you are. You were a bit upset last night because you threw up a lot and then offered to sleep on the floor if I was annoyed by you."