The way I loved you. (Book 2 of the Illicit Affairs Series)

Chapter V

As soon as Rebecca locked her bedroom door behind her, she allowed herself the silent freak out she'd been hiding. With no more than a little squeal, she jumped and shimmied her hips in a victory dance. She had liked him all her life and, finally, she had made a move on Steve.

Oh god, she realised, she had made a move on Steve. Her smile fell as her thoughts spiralled. She had kissed her best friend's brother. Still, he had kissed her back. A lot. And she'd been the one to pull away. Nevertheless, it was Steve, who she had obsessed over for years, who she thought she had finally gotten over.

How could blame her, though? He had looked at her like she was the only woman in the world. She had dreamed about receiving that kind of look from him since she could remember. She had tried to stay calm and collected, but she had felt his heated stare all over her skin. When she turned to him, that same heat seeped all the way into her bones.

For once, she'd been the one in control with Steve. She'd teased him, tested him, seeing how far he would go. Apparently, he'd go pretty far. That was what she needed to feel like. Her role was meant to be the one of the seductress, the vixen that could charm men into doing whatever she wanted. It was the only thing that gave her confidence.

Hearing how pretty and charming and smart she was all her life had probably fucked her up. She was aware of the weird god complex she had, always simultaneously feeling like she was better and worse than everyone else. She thrived on validation, but she relied on her natural qualities to get it. That was probably why she hated school that much. Being bright could only go so far without dedication. She resented herself for it, but she was stuck in her habit.

For years, Steve had made her feel like she was reduced to the worst parts of her. His kindness made her aware of her pettiness, his selflessness made her aware of her selfishness. He was, at his core, a good person. And now, she felt like she had tainted him.

When Steve and Bucky got to their apartment, that night, he felt like the worst friend on the planet. Bucky's family had basically took him in, his parents had treated him like their own son. Bucky himself always said he was the brother he'd never had. How did he repay him? He kissed his sister. What made it even worse than that was the fact that, if Rebecca hadn't pulled away, he would have gone a lot further.

When had that little girl morphed into a temptress, and how could he have missed it? He knew she was beautiful. He would've been blind not to. He was aware of how many boys threw themselves at her. He had just never seen that side of her. All it took for him to see it was her leaning so close, letting him think she would kiss him. It didn't feel like a shocking revelation, though. He had just uncovered another side of her.

Truthfully, he'd always seen her. He may not have been able to read her mind, but he knew that girl like the back of his hand. He knew her when she was a lovestruck kid, he knew her when she was a secretly insecure teenager. Maybe that was why, when he kissed her, he felt like he had found the final piece of the puzzle.

As he laid in bed, he thought about his past relationships. He had never been good at learning from his mistakes, and he kept falling for girls at first sight. With a single smile, he was a goner. Then, if he somehow started dating them, he'd be disappointed. The little things threw him off. The way they talked, their music taste, the foods they hated. Those details always shattered the fantasy, because, to be completely honest, that was exactly what he fell for. It was never the girls, it was always the idea of them. He'd get lost in his imagination, building their personalities, and he always crashed into reality sooner or later.

Rebecca, though, wasn't an idea. She was a person, a person he knew. A person who had a lot of flaws and perks, a person who had been rude an annoying, but she was also charismatic, honest, funny. He understood her, he really did, and he never felt repelled by anything she'd ever done. If anything, he had always admired her.