𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄, euphoria

4. love, loss, and tragedies.

after the morning's awkward interaction, elliot thought what his and rue's relationship actually was.

he'd overheard jules accusing rue of having a crush on him, which was interesting because he didn't get that vibe at all.

sure, she was attractive. but that didn't mean he wanted to stick his dick in her and pursue a relationship.

still, as they did drugs in his room it was difficult to not think about it.

even with the guitar strumming in his hands and his head bobbing back and forth, all he wanted to do was ask rue outright why she'd acted like that this morning.

he also realized that after that encounter, he hadn't seen milani all day. he was sure they were in the same grade, he'd noticed her long before she did him. also her comfortability with the other juniors it wasn't hard to assume that she was one, too.

deep enough into their drug session, rue and elliot actually started having those "deep" conversations, everyone was so fond of.

rue's the first person to speak as she's on the bed and he sits on the floor, "you know what i feel like nobody in my life understands? is that like drugs are honestly the only way i can be myself."

elliot instantly shook his head. he'd dabbled in drugs long enough to know that drugs are more of an escape than anything. and if you're escaping reality, how could you possibly be yourself?

"yeah, i, i don't think that's true."

rue combats his statement, "nah, it is true." there's a slight pause, "like when i first met you, i would've never had the balls to just, like, come up to you and talk to you."

"why?" he didn't mean to sound so eager, but he was curious what she meant by that.

"i don't know. i'm just like a deeply shy person."

elliot understood, but not on the same level. he'd never been as awkward or shy around new people. which is probably why it was so easy for him to walk up to milani that morning, or even ask for her number at the party. he didn't think it was the drugs, it was just how he was.

as rue began describing a bit about her and jules, elliot couldn't help but wonder if he would ever find someone like that.

someone who would immediately catch his interest and captivate him as a whole.

"in love?"

elliot wasn't sure if he'd ever actually been in love, he wasn't even sure if he'd ever actually been in a real relationship.

"yeah. when you say it out loud it kind of sounds small." he didn't mean for it to sound like that, he just didn't really get it.

"what's a bigger feeling than love?"

"loss."

"you think?"

"yeah, i think so. yeah. i don't know. maybe that's what it was, right? like... as soon as i saw her, i was just immediately afraid to lose her."

listening to the way rue talked about jules, elliot decided there was no way she had any kinds of feelings towards him. he wasn't offended, no. if anything, he admired the love she had for her.

he wasn't a hopeless romantic like most, but he did like to think that there could be someone out there, meant for him.

he didn't know enough about rue or jules and their relationship to dictate if they were meant for each other or not, but he was convinced that regardless of anything, they were special to each other.

their love seemed kind of tragic, though. like in a romeo and juliet, kind of way.

"who have you lost?"

"uh, my dad."

"meaning?"

"meaning he's dead."

elliot felt instant regret, "shit, i'm sorry."

the two dig deeper into rue's life and elliot begins to wonder, how is she so comfortable telling me all of this?

maybe it's the drugs, letting her relax and talk about shit that's so heavy she wouldn't say it any other time.

he didn't know if he'd let her get that deep into his life, but at the rate they're going he wouldn't be surprised if he did.

just like the night he met her, the pool of guilt he felt was intense. it was always guilt, for him. he would go through with things and move through life with it, he just didn't understand how to shake it.

"how does jules not know that you're doing drugs?" in a way, he felt bad for the both of them.

"ugh, cause i'm good at my job."

guilt couldn't stop him from asking, "do you think it's a good thing that we're friends?" they hadn't know each other for long, but he was already doubting whatever he got himself into.

"yeah, why?"

"i just feel like, we might not bring out the best in each other."

elliot was sure it was true, and apparently rue did, too.

the sides of her lips twitch up in a slight smile, "i feel like i'm okay with that."

elliot internally face palmed, this is definitely gonna end tragically.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE.
i'm trying to switch up some stuff cause i don't really know if i want elliot to have a crush on rue yet.

also, even though this is third person pov, i'm trying to make it in a way that like focuses on both milani and elliot in different parts of that makes sense.

so far, i'm having a lot of fun writing the titles but we'll see how long that lasts lmao.

anyway, please vote and interact xoxo <3