August 29, 2021
im always in my head ... tryna figure out how to get out of my head .. how to jus stop overthinking or heavy thinking period ..
when I close my eyes I feel stuck in my head .. thoughts start running .. heart start beatin .. chest cave in .. start to feel like I'm suffocating ... I breath in and out tryin to catch a breathe .. than I start over heatin ..
lookin for peace outside my brain and that's the thing in charge of my body ... my mind fucks my head up I think too much .. it can be about any situation.. my mind jus toxic asf .
drugs & alcohol use to help me out of my head ... I use to be happy again when I was high and now it jus keeps me calm with my thoughts sometimes it makes my anxiety worse ... i get drunk and start to feel more numb have no feelin but be still trapped in my head so I keep goin until i stop thinking until ion feel nm .
ion like be alone too much I get trapped .. im claustrophobic ... I can't stand being in a small place .. I freak out I get overwhelmed.. that's how it feels when im alone with my thoughts ... I get ate up I hurt all over again ... things that hurt me replay in my head .. I don't forget what brought my pain .. what hurt me the most.. why im so numb now, i don't forget ...
sometimes i think maybe because I didn't forgive or I didn't let go even when I think I did ... im not so sure I did ..
why Im like this ..
