The girl i love since gradeschool

Prologue

8 years old, i was just eight years old that time when i knew what it felt like to have butterflies in the stomach

I like-no i fell inlove to a girl, a special girl..... she is the same age as me we are in the same grade level but not the same class.... as far as i remember she is ultimately popular and almost everyone love her, she is beautiful with her pale white skin, red lips, pointy nose, brown eyes, long dark hair that compliment her slender petite figure, Smart, probably the smartest girl of our batch she always reach the highest top and every subject, she is also active in Pe, Arts and Music, And most of all, she is kind, whenever she see people she smile and greet hello to them even if they are strangers, she talk politely, move in a gentle graceful demeanour and has also her silly sides, well im not stalking her or anything but there was a time she got hungry and was only focused on the food unknowingly a teacher walk towards her and ask her something and she just raise her brows to reply.....

She is that type of person that every boy in our class would dream of, sadly she never noticed me that time, she is always busy in her studies and was always surrounded by people and she didn't notice me... besides, who am i? Im just that fat kid in the school who have only one friend..... im upset with my weight but i really can't do anything about it since i don't want to stop my eating habit, even thought i know it's not healthy, my classmates also bully me because of it.

A year after that i got new friends, they forced me to reveal my crush and the moment they knew they told her, instead of feeling disgusted or fear she just nodded and move on to another topic like nothing happened, well i can't blame her....

In the fifth grade we're on the same class i really thought she hated me but im wrong, she is still nice and kind and i also discover some sides of her like she immediately cry whenever she is scared, she is bullied by our girl classmate and she hate Math. I feel happy seeing her smiling in profile, every lunch break i always get an opportunity to talk to her but i don't have enough courage, in the end i always got shy

In sixth grade everything is still the same, im still watching her from afar and we are not in the same class, i just heard from my best friend that she like someone from their class and the boy immediately returned the same feelings, i always see them lovey dovey like they are holding hands or sitting beside each other or teasing each other until one day i just heard that they got into a fight and they are not talking to each other anymore.... that pain i felt while watching them lovey dovey immediately changed, im relief for some unknown reason..... but im also sad for her, unlike before her face is curving into a beautiful smile but her eyes are telling different she is sad but non of the people around her noticed.

During the graduation day i finally gained courage to confess to her personally, with the help of my friends i confess my love for her, she just smiled and said "we were too young for Love." She smiled genuinely this time before leaving me behind.... her eyes were telling me that she wanted to say more but why can't she say it?

After the first and last interaction with her.... she disappeared.......

I continue living my life peacefully but there is something wrong, a part of me is lonely, that rejection hit me hard, i really don't expect her to return the same feelings but it still hurt me like hell...

Theres that one time in middle school , i got sick, well not that dangerous decease or cancers, i only had Anemia this is due to my addiction of video games, i spent 3 months drinking that darn small pills to prevent myself from falling or feel intense dizziness i am living in a different house from my family so no one really took care of me since im alone in that house, i couldn't bring my self to tell them my situation either cuz i know they are just going to force me to go home and force me eat the foods that i don't like to eat, so cuz i am alone in my house i really couldn't eat properly so i also had a eating dissorder.... during those three months i felt my t shirts getting bigger like hell, it's so crazy that my t shirts became two to three times larger. after three months of bieng absent from school i finally decided to study again and surprisingly people were staring at me, am i that big that they stare at me like hell im taking the whole pathway? That's when my bestfriend knocked some sense out of me and told me that im thinner than before.... after that surprising change i became popular in our school, girls always come and confess asking me on a date, i also made new friends and my life turned better than before .