Memories and Stars

Hux

Hux

Sitting alone in our bedroom had become boring. No one to talk to and nothing to do, he wouldn't even let me work.

It's not a surprise though, I had betrayed them...him.

Standing from our large, soft bed, I pulled on my boots and headed for the door.

Hopefully, I'll be back before he returns and he won't even know I left, if he find out he'll be angry and we'll fight again which I really hate when it happens.

The door slid open with an almost silent 'woosh' and I took my first step outside the room alone for the first time in months.

As I planned, the guards were in the middle of a shift change and the one who'd been standing guard at our door was gone, the next to arrive in mere minutes.

I wouldn't be staying to wait for the new guard though.

Hurrying down the hall, I ducked into rooms and closets to avoid patrols as I made my way towards my destination, what I'd been missing in my imprisonment.

Deeming it to risky to take the lift, I forced myself to climb each flight of stairs on my way up.

According to my study of the guards schedules and his schedule, I wouldn't need to be rushed when I got to my destination thankfully.

I panted softly from the strenuous work but a smile danced onto my pink lips as I saw the door to my destination before me. Finally, it's mine.

Reaching forwards, I pushed the button beside the door and it slid open, a cool summer breeze blowing in and caressing my pale cheeks.

Hopefully if he finds out, he will forgive me.

One step after another, I exited the building which I'd been stuck inside for so long.

The things that kept me going as a child, the thing I longed for ever since I'd been exposed and almost killed by General Pryde. I would have died had Kylo Ren showed up any later.

He stopped the red plasma from hitting my chest just in time.

Sighing and shaking my head out of my memories, I strode forwards towards the edge of the roof and reached over.

My hand met the softness of a blanket I'd hidden up here when I first became a general and I grabbed it and pulled it up.

Spreading it out, I laid it flat then knelt, falling onto my front then rolling onto my back.

My green eyes reflected the stars in the sky and I felt at peace, like nothing could ruin this moment.

The smile returned to my lips and I relaxed all my muscled, letting my eyes flutter shut and my head to rest.

Sure, being held in his arms was comforting and I wouldn't replace those moment with any others, but this moment and moments just like it are what kept me sane during dark and stressful times.

Being able to lay down, all alone in silence and just feel the star's light shine down on me, was an ethereal feeling.

Memories passed my closed eyes and I smiled as each one brought on a little bit more warmth and comfort into my aching heart.

All the times alone with Kylo, no, Ben. When we could be ourselves and not who our men expected us to be.

I absolutely hated when we had to fight because that was what was expected whenever we were in the same room for more then a few hours.

Ben hated it even more, being that in most our arguments, he ended up having to hurt me to keep face.

Then everything changed when Snoke was killed by Kylo Ren, including Ben himself.

He became more Kylo Ren then my Ben Solo.

Our fights were no longer ploys, they were real. In private and in public.

I hated how much that girl, Rey, affected him and made him obsessive over catching her. My darker thoughts told me things that lowered my confidence and made me insecure.

Telling me he was chasing her to make her his and get rid of me. That he never really loved me, he was only using me for his pleasures before he found someone better which would be the girl who could use the Force like him.

Which caused what I would never regret.

I began giving information to the Resistance and helping where I could without suspicion. All to make him fail.

Something took over me, jealousy maybe..anger?

I wanted nothing more then for him to fail even if it meant that the Order were to fall and the Resistance were to win.

Even if it meant he'd hate me forever.

The only part of my betrayal I would ever regret, would be letting my feelings and false thoughts take over and lead me to letting the love of my life get hurt.

Yet, after everything he did, and everything I did, we came out of it all together. Better then ever even.

He finally saw what he had become. Not just to me but to himself.

After that, while he was still hurt and angry by my betrayal, he understood that if I had not, we might not have survived for much longer.

I probably wouldn't have either. From him or from me doing something to stop the beating of my shattered heart.

As my thoughts continued, memories flashing by leaving me with so many different emotions, my heart lifted and I felt lighter.

My smile returned as the usual effect took over.

Just me releasing my everything to the stars who wouldn't judge or speak back.

It was so peaceful. Just....so....relaxing...

My eyes sealed themselves and all thoughts of returning to the bedroom left my mind. All that mattered was this moment, this spot where I was comfortable and relaxed.

Sleep took over before I could fight it and I found myself floating in a warm darkness, comfort surrounding me and keeping me under.

I hope Ben isn'