Backstabbed - Camilo Madrigal X OC

Gone

TW- self harm

-Camilo's pov-

I couldn't get my mind off Valerie. At all. No matter how many chores I pushed on myself, no matter how many children screamed questions at me.

Valerie was the only thing I could think of.

She was stealing our miracle, I was sure of it. After all, she wasn't in sight. I decided to let myself off a little early, after all, I'd really outdone myself today. I'd been eating up chores like there was no tomorrow.

I sulked, heading over to casita. I just wanted to lie in my bed until it was dinner time.

When I entered through the front door, the first thing I noticed was the empty window. Which usually held the golden flame that powered our home.

...

I couldn't hold it in any longer.

I couldn't just keep sighing at whatever Sierra had done.

I couldn't brush it off like it didn't hurt me.

It hurt me.

It felt like a spear, impaling my heart.

Sierra didn't care.

She didn't care about me.

She was probably just using me this whole time.

I was so desperate for someone to see the true me that she saw the opportunity. She took it.

And she took the candle, she'd stolen it.

Just like she'd stolen my heart. Then crushed it, right in the palm of her hand. Shattered it into so many different pieces.

It really did blow my mind that I was so naive. I burst into a sobbing mess, fleeing into my bedroom for comfort.
Why the bedroom?
How was this escaping my problem. In fact, I spent the most time with Sierra here.

I rubbed my wet eyes, I felt dizzy, my head hurt. I started to wander around my room, I was just so dizzy.

I slammed both my hands on my desk, ducking my head down in an attempt to  focus, see things more clearly. Literally.

My eyes were closed, I waited a while until I felt good enough to reopen them. There was a note. On my desk. I snatched it up, and began reading.

Mi amor,

I love you, and by the looks of it you're the only person who's ever loved me. I know you don't deserve this, and I promise I'll make it up to you. This won't be the last you'll see of me, I'll make sure of it. I have to go, I'm sorry.

-You know me as Valerie.

I couldn't look at her message. The second I'd finished reading it, I crumpled it up. I was furious, scared, anxious. I tossed it into the furthest corner of my room, screaming with agony as I did so.

I screamed, again.

It made my throat hurt. I couldn't see, my eyes were blurry from the many tears flooding down my face. I stumbled backwards, eventually hitting a wall. I slid down against it. My face was buried into my knees, my hands were scrunching up my hair.

I wailed out loud, I wanted to hate her.

I needed to hate her.

I needed something to hate.

Anything.

But I couldn't hate her.

In reality, the only thing I was furious at was...

Well...

Me.

I'd let her go. I'd let her torture me. I fell in love with her, even though I knew that would have a horrible outcome.

My eyes started to burn, my head felt like it was going to explode. There were so many different emotions rushing through me. Emotions I'd never even felt before.
This was nothing like when we first lost the miracle. I didn't even think about crying then.

But all I could do was sob now. All I could do was drown in my own pool of misery. Pain, sweat, tears. Sierra had left me, all alone. She didn't know what I was going through right now.

How could she?

Everything hurt.

Emotionally, physically, you name it.

My head was burning up, I pulled at my hair, and it hurt. But I continued.

I pulled, my scalp stung from the pain.

I dug my nails into my leg, as deep as it would go. I could feel my leg bleeding, but I dug deeper. I clawed at it, I thought I deserved to suffer.

Suffer from my own torture.

So I continued, without even thinking.

I tried every way of afflicting self abuse I could think of.

I smashed my elbow into the hard corner of my wooden desk.

I stabbed the led of a sharpened pencil into the palm of my hand.

I bit my tongue as I got through every form of pain I'd thrown at myself.

I don't know what I was thinking, because I couldn't think. I couldn't bear to lose her. The only thing I could think of was to distract myself.

Like I'd been doing this whole time. I'd been distracting myself from the inevitable outcome of falling in love with her.

I thought I had to make the physical pain hurt more. I grit my teeth, continuing to torture myself in anyway I knew how.

I was bleeding from every limb, my whole body was swollen. I was barely standing, I was trying to endure the indescribable torment I'd afflicted on myself.

...

I...

I deserve...

I deserve this.

I deserve this.

I deserve to suffer.

I'm a gullible, naive, teary mess.

...

...What am I even doing any more...?

Before I could continue with the flood of negative thoughts, I couldn't feel my body. My eyes fluttered closed as my body fell limp.

I couldn't tell you what happened when I passed out. But I can tell you what happened after.