not dating myself | a memoir

The only person

To tell you the truth the only person other than myself that I want to love me is maybe Luke is the only person who is decent in this whole fucking planet. This whole plan is for fucktard's and shitheads who car shit shows and everything he just talks you're off and then is a nice person that is that I would rather deal with Luke as a friend as well as a lover as possible because he is more human than the average idiot. I don't say that I have a crush on him but if I had I have a crush on him and fantasies or whatever it would be him because he's proven himself to be a good person where is the other people have called me nothing but shit. I think That if you don't have a developmental or intellectual disability or mental disability or any disability for that matter that you are more or less brainless wander. I called the invisible brain factor which means if people don't use their brains or they don't indicate they have brains where does people like me and Luke show that we actually have a brain in our fucking heads. We only find out the average person has a brain during autopsy or surgery we don't ever find out beforehand. They're always acting like goonies and losers and shitheads and they treat other people like shit who are different or unique and I despise that that's why I went back to being auto romantic because I've decided that my dignity or is more important than some guys idiocy.  Like for example Charles will never find out this until he's either in the hospital or in the morgue that he has a brain and they'll have to extract it from his head and they'll have to look to see for themselves like he cannot find a brain and an average person a normal person is actually boring and stupid without disabilities because are not showing that they have brains I don't have seizures I don't have developmental problems or emotional problems or PTSD instead they just float and fuck up everyone's life as if they're psychopaths and they just they drive like maniacs they in raged you they make you think twice about other people as well so why the hell bother thanking that these people normal "" normal people have a brain that is not imaginary. I don't know about you but my disability is more apparent than your brain that is more let's say imaginary at the moment because you're still alive or you're not receiving brain surgery. That being said I'm going back to being auto sexual because I've been clear like a dog because of my either my heritage or my disability something either way I'm not gonna put up with. The only friend I have are friends I have is a girl named Karen BMV and a guy named Luke which I already aforementioned before. Other than that I don't really have that many friends and I really don't give a flying shit you're so as long as I'm alive and enjoying my life as it is. It's always been like that I think I mentioned in the aforementioned memoir that I don't care about what other people think about how I look how I act how I do things just as long as I'm happy. But this will show a better side of my life I hope than just the negative. I've always had fun with Karen as a child she was a good girl she wasn't a pain in the ass though she did talk to one pain in the ass named Jen Vashon who is a real brainwashed wander as well. And she would always pick on me because of my PTSD and my fucking heritage. But other than that I still have good memories with Karen. as a friend playing around as kids and stargazing, And watching TV until we laughed our eyes out of our head these were the good moments I still remember meeting her from the first time she called me a bum head because I threw a puzzle piece at her but that was beside the point that made me laugh like a son of a bitch. That being said I am glad to have her as my friend and still glad to have her in my life. How we met was through kindergarten I was not the nicest kid in kindergarten according to the teacher but I think it was on the teacher that was the teacher that was being a shithead not me except for that day I did not want to do a puzzle and I threw the puzzle piece at Karen she said you bum head and I roared meaning laughed and I said this girl is going to be a good friend if you can make me laugh like a bastard. I don't believe in fake friends I'm believing friends that can make you laugh like a son of a bitch and still make you laugh. We may have had some problems at some point when I was refusing to fit in, for today boys out that matter but that was before I was ready for a relationship not knowing that I was going to be my own partner that being said I am very happy to have her as a friend. I've met other good friends that I have never thought I would've met because of my PTSD or Etchberger drive mad Gaia Vandy and Chris Valla and other ones were also auto romantic and I think Vandy was also an author I've also made another author who help me teach me about self publishing  Through zoom meeting I was able to meet with him during the Covid times of winter and be able to start up a riding career properly it'll be a year next month on the 11th when I first met Chatham Tatum. He wrote I don't remember the title but he really got me into Kendall and D2 D draft2digital.  Sure most of my shit has made it everywhere on this planet and people will read I have made quality progress since I've met Chatham. And I have no one else to thank God Cheryl the lady who runs the house that I live in. She signed me up to see Chatham Tatum and she also Help me learn the guitar through zoom as well with another celebrity Amanda Jordan who I am very sorry that I have missed last weeks guitar lesson but the Internet was down. Yes another celebrity I met two celebrities during my time on this planet and a Holocaust survivor which made me hate doctors and I'm not afraid to say that I hate doctors.  The third one the Holocaust survivor was when I was in school she was also an author. And also I read many other holocaust more memoirs and stirfry made me feel like my problems are not make a shit show on the planet. And that we cannot deny half the shit that people do on this stupid planet. And then if it's impossible everything is believable usually. And sometimes not in a good way right now I'm  reading the book theif which Hass to do with the holocaust the book thief it was about the Nazi book burnings which is something that I thought I saw I want to go on that shit because it has an author I would've screamed as well as a bookworm I want to punch somebody out.   That is how passionate I am about boxes if I see someone ruining or wrecking or burning a bark I would punch them right out in a blink of an eye. Because I believe in that box or shouldn't be for bidden to some people are all people because of whatever reason unless it's Mein Kampf I find that unless is Mein Kampf Or some other retarded manifesto I  will read it.
Show me the only book that should be destroyed is Mein Kampf and the Fifty Shades of Grey and I'm sorry EL James but your box suck and promote torture and horror towards women and I don't think that is called erotica that is called torture porn. That's plain and simple hurting women books are called torture porn. And Mein Kampf is a pile a bat guano that smells wet to the highest heavens is so foul. I remember reading my very first book when I was in grade one it was well first it was a book that my father taught me to read which was the stand by Stephen King. Then I read it again in the second grade actually grade one I started off with goosebumps and I haven't looked back at a TV so that ever since unless it's really spectacular other than that I just either do art reading stargazing or playing video games and that's the same now at 33 years old because of goosebumps and the Stephen King books particularly the stand was the best shit I have a rad. And the chicken soup for the soul marks were pretty good as well and help me discover who the fuck I was as well shake hands with the devil word should have some trigger warnings but it's very good. It's important to read the shake hands with the devil because it's in Porten to know the bad behaviour of idiot people. Either way I have never put a book down for a long time since grade one this is about 20 some odd years is it since I was down with a clown yes a juggalette. 
I have been listening to the Insane Clown Posse since I've been with Karen as a friend only as a friend and then that's about 30 or 20 years ago coming up give or take a few years and I've been listening to the Insane Clown Posse 20 some years since I was five or six and I've never stopped listening to them or Limp Bizkit or anything else in it has the word fuck in it. I don't believe that music should not have swearing in it and less you you're really either a kid that cannot listen to swearing music like a three year old or that or if you're a fundamentalist son of a bitch. That being said I don't believe in that music should not be censored as far as swearing is concerned.   Now if it had derogatory comments like Jan were or whatever else that comes out that could be offensive instead of the word fuck shit dammit bitch whatever then I think it should be pull off the shelves like if it has the N-word take it off the shelf take it off Spotify take it off everything I don't wanna hear that shit because that's a racist word. My last memo which wasn't to erotic Norwall this one bay was considered to be blocked by Scribd.   Play Packer haters we consider them selves a subscription library service but mostly they're just a bunch of stupid chickens why do I say chickens because I'm juggalette.
And as I said I've been down with a clown since I've been a very small child it started for the swearing when I was with my father he always a G but he only confine himself to Jesus Christ dammit son of a bitch bitch bastard shit bullshit or other undesirable words but never the F word or the MF word. Those I  learned in school.  Let's put it this way there was one little brat who had a real foul mouth and it wasn't trust God dammit or other shit but actual motherfucker and fuck and fucktard and shit and I think he should've Bana homeschool if he was going to have that bad of a mouth that was simple as that because I was a very first thing that came out of my mouth when I got off the school bus on my first day of school motherfucker. And I still remember that and the fact that my father had a stroke hours later from choking on his Chinese food when I actually Ashard sad word. The fact that he had a stroke and now he's very susceptible to TIAs and mini strokes because right now this kid should've been homeschooled and I would over in the ABC's instead of motherfucker.