His Beloved Gun | MYG

𝓕𝓵𝓪𝓼𝓱𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴𝓼

4. Flashbacks

BEYOL P.O.V

Having a crush on someone is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. 

You see your crush and smile for no reason like an idiot. You are flooded with happy and fun emotions when you are around him/her. 

It is all fun and love but it also hurts at times if you don't get to be with the person you probably love the most.  

I could walk away from anyone I ever knew, but I can't walk away from him.

I've failed him several times.

 But there was one moment I failed him beyond measure. It was the day we met.

 The day he came to Dad's office with jimin.  The moment I took his hand he looked at me, with glory in his eyes.

 Fearlessness in his pain.

 In his honesty, I saw a reflection of myself. Or rather, of the person I longed to be.

 So I failed him. 

I didn't stay away. 

Then later, I thought if I had answers, it would be enough. 

I would no longer care. he would not matter.

 So I continued failing him. Continued wanting more.

 And now I can't find the words to say what must be said. To convey to him the least of what I owe. 

When I think of him, I can't find the air to breathe.

 Then I realized,  You don't have to be a genius to figure out what's between you and the person you like.

But to date, even after 2 years,  I haven't figured out to confess to him nor did he try. 

Maybe he doesn't feel the same past year he had been pretty distant but today in the basement he kissed my cheek for the first time in one year.

Currently, I am on our rooftop, it is past midnight; sipping whiskey.

 A cold breeze hit my face under the moonlight, but today there are no stars.

 I don't have any special memory of my parents apart from the pictures we have.

And if it's really true that when someone dies they become stars, then it's good at least they won't see me being depressed on the very first night of my actual adulthood, but I was equally eager to tell them that I graduated.

I watched the golden liquid glimmer in the crystal glass in my hand, reminding me back of him, his shiny raven black locks, deep black eyes, sometimes I think that the black hole itself lies in them, his thin pink lips, that curve up in smile rarely as Hailey's commit.

 His predator-like sharp almond eyes. The way his shoulder jumps when he laughs, the way sass rolls down his tongue, the way his slender pale fingers grip around the riffles, the way his hooded eyes never miss a shot.

I took a sip of warm liquid taking me back to the moments I spent with him.

The day he first joined college with us.

"so you are the quiet one," I asked sitting next to him. 

"Just because I am the quiet one doesn't mean I have nothing to say, In fact, I choose to keep my mouth shut, And just because I am quiet doesn't mean I am ignorant, antisocial, or shy! I am just fed up with people assuming things about me," he replied looking straight into my eyes. 

" oh...o-ok" I said a little starlet.

Boy, that day was quite cranky about joining school back. I laughed to myself at the memory of it. But soon he warmed up with us.

the day guys let off all the bells in the school building.

"So where were you when all this happened?" I inquired, folding my hands on my chest.

 "hmm..where was i ...a very good question" he replied with a mischievous smile on his lips.

 "you are not going to tell me...huh," I asked again,

 "nope," he replied with a proud nod.

later I was scolded for not keeping an eye on these brats because it took a whole hour for the management to shut the bells, and let me tell you Aunty was not very calm about this.

To the mission when this man forgot to prepare a plan when he was in charge and made up a dumbass plan last min and ended up with hoseok having a broken leg and jimin with a broken arm, did I mention we all almost died, and failed at it?

"was that supposed to happen?" I asked suspiciously,

"let's just say I didn't plan it like that but now it's turning quite well...I guess ..so just leave it and play it out" he replied shamelessly "

"why do I have a feeling you never had a plan and you are flying your seat with it, "I asked again

 "maybe I am" he laughed before firing a bullet.

but bless the heavens no one told about his carelessness to an uncle or we all would be dead meat, not that he was already not proud about that dumb mission.

I stood up and finished my final glass of whiskey.

 made my way down my own dead silent stairs, and flopped on my bed and soon I drifted off to a dreamless night; after a very tiring day both emotionally and physically.

........................................

early update coz I won't be available tomorrow :)