Quarantine Romance

Beginnings

Smoke, a veritably unpleasant smell, hangs thick in the air that eventually wakes me from my deep slumber. Smoke, it took a moment before my groggy, cobble full head woke up and eventually dawns on me that what I smell is the ash of my wasted effort, long hours trying to bake cookies, trying to produce something that is inevitably the opposite of me, sweet and pleasant, and I am neither of those. As the reality of the smell hit me, I sat up like a thunderbolt, alarmed, senses tingling, I quickly swung my legs out of my bed and sprint towards the kitchen where smoke clings to every surface like a moth would cling to the light, I wave my hands in front of me while I covered my nose using the other. I turned off the oven and sighed at the mess around the kitchen, after having tried and failed to produce a batch of cookies that doesn't inevitably suck, I tugged my hair away from my face stressed to my very core, Gods what is wrong with me really, just when I thought that this was the perfect batch, that this I can finally eat without barfing or throwing it away, I had to burn it down to a crisp and eventually its remains. I shook my head, I have a bad habit of sleeping at times when I shouldn't be sleeping and staying awake at times when I should be sleeping. I took my mittens from the counter and opened the oven, smoke blast my face, I waived it off coughing like a maniac, inhaling the fruit of my failure. I gently took the tray of burnt down cookies and threw it at the trash without so much as a glance, its hard to see my failures, especially when that's all I ever do these days, fail at everything. I am most definitely not going to cry over a burnt down cookie, I try to hold back the tears that threaten to escape my very open tear ducts. This week has just been plain awful. I got laid off from my job as a flight attendant because of the raging pandemic; clearly the management knows it is over staffed when only a handful of people come to board the plane. Then, when I relayed it to my parents, they were clearly not pleased, because for one, they didn't want me working in an airline, they want me inside a hospital, practicing what I had spent almost five years of my life learning, nursing. I sighed again, for what feels like the millionth time this week alone, I began picking up discarded wrappers and depositing them to the bin, I wiped the counter clean of flour, and chocolate smudges, I washed the utensils I used, and scrubbed the oven clean. After doing the dirty work, I felt quite dirty myself and decided to busy myself with taking a shower, I took a long ass shower, scrubbed myself clean of any failure that clung to my skin like leech that doesn't understand it doesn't belong there, this leech seem to think otherwise. After standing in the shower for far longer than any human is supposed to stand below a steaming bath, I got dressed, and proceeded to lie back in my bed not bothering to dry my hair or look at the clock, I don't know what time it is, I don't even know what day it is, if a I am to be really honest, the days just seem to mesh together in this long, grey, and painted drabbed with sadness. I looked at my ceiling for what seems like another million times this week, I haven't been doing anything this past week really, all I've really busied myself with is, lying in bed, reading or watching whatever helpless and unexciting show is on TV. All I've been doing is avoid thinking about the misery that is my life, at the moment. With nothing much to do but apparently sulk, I grabbed my book at the bedside table which I have been reading since last night, I have been so invested in this book that I have read it until the wee hours of dawn and only managed to sleep by sheer force. It is my favorite book so far, and that is saying a lot because I have read too many books in this lifetime, it's the kind of book that whisks you away from the reality that my life is in shamble and I don't know how to build it back to where it was before pandemic wrecked everything. I haven't been this interested in a book, since well, since twilight days. Twilight was and is the standard, and although I have to admit I have grown tired of living in Bella's head doesn't mean I will deny the fact that hers is one of the most interesting worlds I've been to. I typically prefer fantasy books over the usual plain modern-day romance, because fantasy problems are way different than real life problems, when I read, I don't want to be tethered in the realm that gives me so much suffering, and fantasy books are the perfect escape. I flipped open to the page I stopped last, I read and read until the book swallowed me whole, until I'm living the words I'm reading. Reading has always been comforting, and I need it now more than ever. I read nonstop, not even bothering to eat, the only thing I am hungry for is escape and this book entitled "from blood and ash" has been serving it up, warm and tasty. I am deeply awed with the world building, she built this world that seems to be in parallel with our universe but with different set of rules and different kinds of demons, where ours roam greed, lust, gluttony, envy and so much more I will not even dare mention, this specific world, has vampires and gods, that is far too different from the God we pray to; after a couple of hours deep within the depth of this world. I stopped to get myself a glass of water, I feel parched after reading aloud for quite some time, I have a habit of reading aloud, just so I can hear me speak the words that takes me to another dimension. I went to the kitchen got a bottle of water I always stored in my fridge, because I'm not the glass kind of girl. I rummaged my kitchen cabinets for something to chew on, and found none. I went back to bed and snagged a look at the clock above the television, it reads 10:30 pm. I haven't had anything the whole day except for the failed cookies I had tried and almost immediately threw up, with much ferocity as if I am throwing something, I truly hate. I contemplated on ordering food; I scrolled down through the app, and looked for anything that might appease my stomach from growling like crazy. I settled for one of my favorite the most famous fast food, in my humble opinion, here in the Philippines, my trusty friend and ally in times of laziness Mc Donalds, I ordered the double cheeseburger with barbecue flavored shake shake fries, a go to caramel sundae and a large drink of my toxic and acidic buddy, coke. I can almost taste the fries in my mouth as I ordered through my favorite enabler of lazy spells, Grab food. I settled back, and nestled into bed and read again while I waited for my delivery. I checked my phone every few minutes, anxious for my food to be delivered. Being alone in a condominium can give you the solace and peace you need but it can also give this loneliness that comes after each time you call your family to check in at home. I haven't gone home for 6 months now, and I'm dearly home sick. I haven't had any visitor as of late because of the strict lockdown that is once again imposed throughout the whole city of Manila, I haven't been directly hit upon by sunlight in what feels like a millennium, I want to go out and have coffee at coffee shops, go to cinemas, drink with my friends, do dumb shit that I will with much certainty regret the next day, but who cares right, I just want it back, some normalcy in the chaos. The solitary human being who have been trapped in this god forsaken building is my neighbor; some guy who I'm pretty sure is a law student. I've seen him around before, run into him in the elevators, in nearby bars, and coffee shops but we are by no means acquainted with each other, I've been living in this condominium for two years and we have yet to speak to each other. We are just trapped within the walls of our room, cocooned in our own world, or safe haven depending on how you look at it. I'm not the friendly kind of person too; I need to have a few shots of alcohol in my system before I can talk to a stranger without being awkward. It is partly why I like drinking, because alcohol gives me a boost of the confidence I am lacking. My friends who used to frequent here, noticed him again and again for his looks, I'm fairly certain the guy has a girlfriend, because if you look like that, its just impossible not to have one. He is gorgeous in the manly way men are gorgeous, He is tall and lean, and clean to look at, he always has this clean-cut hair, and a faint stubble and I can't resist looking, the guy is an art, sharp jaw, muscles that don't quite over power his looks. The biggest turn on though is his brain, nothing quite like a man who looks like an underwear model and has a brain. I shook my head erasing all thoughts about my ungodly neighbor. I stood up and stretched getting impatient, and hangry. I moved to my small living room, stared at the window for a long time lost in my own thoughts when a knock came through the door, I waited until I heard the shuffle of feet fading, once I was sure the delivery guy had left, I slowly crept towards the opposite side of my living room to the door that led to the outside world, I unhinged the knob gave it a slight push and peeked outside, and sure enough there was my food, waiting to be devoured. I squeezed my head past the door and looked at the empty, desolate hallway trying to make sure no one was there, I am quite good at scaring myself, I startled as the door to the room next to mine opened and my neighbor stood out, he did not noticed me right away, so I treated myself to gape at him a second longer, he really is roguishly handsome and intelligent looking, I'm a sucker for guys like him. His gazed landed on me as he swung his head in my direction, I felt myself blush as he caught me practically ogling him, he gave me a tight smile and I nonchalantly stepped out the hall way and waved at him, lamely might I add. There was this awkward silence between us, when your contemplating what to do next, whether you're going for the small talk route or whatever "Just waiting for my food" he said bringing me back from my thoughts, he sounds good, he has a rich baritone voice, manly like everything else about him. "just picking up mine" I replied, he nodded as he looked at the food at the floor, I picked it up making a show of it, he nodded "I didn't know there was anyone around our floor, thought I was the only one, I never saw you going out" he said scratching his head, I shrugged, "not really an outgoing person" I said. "I beg to disagree" he chuckled, awkward but I love the sound of it "I mean, I always see you with friends out and about, I've never really seen you alone, until now" he further explained "I guess there's always a first" I said, it kind of pleases me that I wasn't the only one noticing, "well holler if you need anything, I won't be leaving my room in the near future" I said as I was retrieving back to the safety of my condominium, "you too" he said, he paused and seemed to think about it "for anything really" a blush crept up to my cheeks, and pleased me to no end, I let my door shut, thinking that moment is literally the only good thing that happened the past weeks, a silver lining among this dark and empty clouds that hang around me all the time. I excitedly tore through my food, munched and chewed like a hungry caveman. I finished eating and felt full and somewhat okay, for the first timein weeks. I was cleaning up after eating when there was knock on my door, I stilled out of fear, you'd think living alone would make me more brave, and face the childhood ghosts that haunt me, but I cannot seem to get rid of them, after half a minute or so I relaxed and went to my door, I looked at the peephole, and when I saw no one outside, fear threatened to eat me whole, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise, there's a tingling at my nape, I looked down and saw a small piece of paper that was inserted at the space between my door and the floor, this seems like a scene straight out of a horror movie, I was horrified. It was almost midnight, and I'm alone, and let's just say my imaginations tend to run very very wild, I slowly, lowered myself debating whether what I'm doing is smart or stupid, it is definitely leaning more towards the stupid side of things. I closed my eyes, reciting a silent prayer, when my fingers connected with the piece of paper, I held it and peeked, one eyes open and the other closed, I opened the note and written on it was probably the best thing that ever happened over taking my moment with my hot neighbor a while ago for in the note it reads "0998473221, that is my number in case you didn't want to holler, call if you need anything. Your Good neighbor John" a wide smile split my face like the manic of a person I am, I caressed the note and even smelled it, it smelled good just for the record. I stood up giggling like crazy, butterflies fluttering inside of me roaring to life, I shook my head at this very girlish and very grade school reaction, I was giddy and this was probably the anchor I needed to keep me grounded to reality instead of going to whatever land my book takes me, I debated picking my phone up and texting the number so soon, I sat there and stared at the piece of paper for a good twenty minutes, racking my brain for what to make of it and what to do with it, I picked up my phone and set it down countless of time, doubting what I wanted to do. In the end my adoration for this man named John won out, I picked up my phone and composed a text, a simple one which took me an entire hour to ponder about, I wrote "Hi Good Neighbor, I'm Phoebe, I have to tell you knocking on my door and leaving a note was not your best move, it scared me to death, but hey I'm glad my stupidity won, and now I hold in my palms the piece of note you left. I am texting you to give my number so you won't have to holler if you need anything." There simple, not. I said way too much, giving the impression that I am chatty, well I am one when surrounded by the people I trust most, I pressed send and decided to stop second guessing everything I do for fear of ruining the only good thing that happened to me this past weeks. I refilled my glass with water, grabbed my phone on the counter and proceeded to enter my room. I set my water at the bedside table and flopped in my bed. I laid there looking at the ceiling contemplating what to do next since I am not yet sleepy, and reading seemed less enticing than it was an hour or so ago. I decided to check my email for any response from the companies I have sent my resume to, I sent my resume to some call center agency yesterday and I'm hoping for the best. I was refreshing my mail when I received a new text message from john "I know, I know. Sorry about that, it was really stupid of me, but nice to meet you phoebe" I smiled to myself, feeling the butterflies flutter once again, was it the boredom that turned me into this mushy pile of goo, I decided to wait for a few minutes before responding didn't want to seem too eager, I scooted over the edge of my bed and turned the TV on, scrolled through Netflix, and settled in to watch the Witcher season 2 and fell asleep without meaning to.