in love {s. geto} || (prequel)

c h a p t e r 3 0

"i don't miss him.. i don't care about him anymore." aimidai said after looking through her room. the yukuta was finally gone. the thing keeping her mind focused on geto.

now she could think and focus on other things. she stood in front of the door, slowly leaning onto it. her mind was going crazy.. anger and frustration filled her up. she didn't even know what she was frustrated about. 

geto? even though he may have been the problem, she couldn't blame him for her misfortunes. she's the only one who she should be getting mad at and blaming. it was all her fault.

gojo? he was really getting on her nerve by constantly bringing up geto and bugging her about things she didn't want to talk about or even hear. but then again, she was the only one reacting this way and she knows that gojo isn't to be blamed for her misfortunes either. 

there was no one else or anything else she could think of which could possibly be causing her this feeling of sudden frustration. 

the sorcerer couldn't fathom why geto would ever turn this way.. geto..

soon enough, without her knowledge, tears started streaming down her cheeks. she didn't even bother trying to clean them away though.. she had no energy and she was too mad. 

aimidai tried calming down by breathing in and out but that didn't work. she just.. wanted to get this over with and let everything out, but she knew that she shouldn't. it would be foolish and irrational. 

but then, something snapped in her. she started bawling and crying her soul out. the tears didn't stop and her hysterical cries didn't either. she couldn't care less whether someone found her in this state of hers. 

she started punching and kicking her bed repeatedly. throwing everything on her desk down on the ground and kicking her chair around, soon enough breaking the wood it was made up of into multiple pieces. 

she couldn't stop herself, she couldn't even realize how destructive her actions were. when she calmed down a bit, she heaved in complete loss. she looked around her room.. it wasn't too much of a mess, but she'd never expected herself to do something such as this. 

she moved away from the mess, unable to comprehend her actions before getting a glimpse of herself in the mirror. anger filled her once again as she saw the mirror reflect the mess she made and the state she was in.

her feet ached from the kicks she planted onto the inanimate objects. she was a mess, her hair, her face. she ran out of tears but this image made her tear up again.. unfortunately they were tears of anger. 

she realized something she shouldn't have.. a loud yell of desperation left her mouth before she punched the mirror, shattering it. the impact was so powerful, the mirror ended up shattering into a thousand tiny shards. 

she stared at her tiny self in those pieces before falling on them with her knees, getting those pieces in her skin as she started crying again. she crawled up into a ball before sobbing her soul out. she was a mess.

*  *  *

hours have passed before she had calmed down and got into bed. she laid there thinking about all the things she's done. she hurt gojo with her words, she was a cruel being. 

geto's words got to her too.. "..but are we worth being called heroes..?" 

all these emotions attacking her at once were tiring to deal with. her eyes grew weary as she closed them once or twice before drifting into deep sleep. 

unfortunately for her, the voice in her head started intervening. disturbing her dreams, turning them into a devilish nightmare. 

"it seems as though you've finally lost it. i told you that you're no hero right? what will you do now? your only corner stone is now gone." the voice said. this time though, it sounded a lot more familiar. 

"leave me alone.. leave me alone. leave me alone!" aimidai begged desperately. she couldn't move. she couldn't run away or even simply cover her ears. she was a loser.

there was no saving herself from this. the voice spoke loudly and clearly. each word from that being cut deeper then any knife. 

she finally got a hold of her emotions after a moment of silence which to aimidai felt like an infinite. 

"i don't need geto! why are you even bringing him up! it's me who's the problem." she exclaimed. obviously the voice knew all of this.. after all, it knew her as much as she knew herself.. if not more. 

"so you really did see it! the mirror! you saw the problem in the mirror! congrats!!!" the voice congratulated in a mocking tone. 

this made aimidai feel small and vulnerable. she felt naked.. it was worse then being skinned.. she was.. naked.

"what do you even want from me!?" she managed to breathe out. her chest felt tight.. she wanted to wake up, she hated seeing herself like this. 

"who knows.. at the end, i am your own consciousness. you're self sabotaging yourself, and you finally realize that. you are your own problem." the voice simply stated. it's voice had no emotion behind it which contrasted its previous statement which was full of mockery. 

"why.. i don't need you. i can live without you. i can do everything i want without you intervening.. so please.. please just leave me alone." her voice sounded desperate, it shook and trembled. she was so defenseless, especially against herself.

"can you really do anything without me?" 

"what do you mean...?" aimidai asked as these words getting to her more then they should've. 

"you're weak.."