A/N This one's really dense, I may have unintentionally written a prequel for the Bible, which is never a good idea if Star Wars is anything to go by but I hope you enjoy lol
an-zag = "where heaven ends"
"I fell. But then, you knew that."
Softer hands were working at his wings. The dirt and grime had vanished by way of miracle, as did appear a warm bowl of water and a washcloth, which Aziraphale was using to soften the scabs. The sun had risen high over the water and it was beating down on the UV shield Crowley had manifested around them, which diffused the light like a gold silk scarf. It was the least he could do.
"In the time before there were days, I was an angel called Raphael. A Seraphim. And the first thing I saw was the Earth being born. Sculpted. The eyes that saw it...they're no longer mine. And these wings aren't the ones that bore me through the cosmos. But we built the universe, Aziraphale." He was practically glowing, ancient otherworldly light. Opened his eyes to the soft muffled sky and saw beyond the clouds and satellites.
"I was among the first, and we built planets, spun nebulas, we bloomed the bloody stars into being. Even built other galaxies for Her to experiment with, though that came much later. I never did get to see the finished product." Aziraphale didn't realise he'd stopped until Crowley had, and he resumed his ministrations.
"She made more of us, and they took over the bulk of the work, which was a shame. Then She made the people, and She put me in charge of their spirits. Whatever that meant. I just sort of...floated about. Checked on them, how they felt, what they thought of being alive. The first batch-"
"What do you mean, the first batch?"
"I-er-" he croaked. "haven't I told you?"
"Not that I can recall, no I don't actually think you have told me about that crucial part of our history that I missed."
He rolled his eyes. "Well it's not like it matters much now, as they're all quite dead. The erm-the ones She's got running about now, the err...humans, are pretty well suited to their environment, but the first batch-they were completely hopeless. Dying all over the place, burning up on the molten ground, it was ugly. They don't write about that bit, no." he muttered scathingly. "Once She managed to fortify them against the perils of the new Earth, the ones that survived were big and scaly, or small and leathery, some had wings to avoid the volcanic plains and others had great big claws to climb the mountains. But they were miserable. I told Her what they wanted, what their spirits needed, and so we made the appropriate adjustments, gave them a big ol' island they called Pangea, with grasslands and rivers and a great big ocean full of fish. We kept tweaking things, and She kept on tweaking their biology before eventually just setting it on automatic. Called it evolution," he smiled, nostalgia dusting his cheeks and the faraway look in his eyes, looking for Her.
"And so they shrank and they grew, smoothed out and became like all the animals we have today. But...they were never happy. Had no concept of life beyond survival, no individuality. No concept of beauty, in the most beautiful world ever made. And they killed each other for food when they had all they needed, and they fought though they had voices to speak. It was upsetting, you pop downstairs to check in one a new family of shrews and there's this big scaly fucker-argh, 'right yeah sorry mate, had to move owt me Mam's hoose otherwise me hen was gonna leave me and she's got this wee bairn and more on the way, yeah? So I says, I says 'never you worry love, I'll find us a hoose soon enuff,' aye, and I did but there was these little furry buggers and-look I'm sorry if ya knew the poor bastards but a man's go'a provide, eh? Whit's fur ye'll no go past ye and all that, they weren't gonna last the winter anyhoo."
"Wait-he was Scottish?"
"What?"
"The gentleman you spoke with all those years ago, he was-"
"That's not the point-he murdered an entire family!"
"Yes, yes all right. Do go on."
"So I asked Her why, She said they had minds of their own. So I did some investigating, and it turns out that it was all part of The Plan. It was in their design. They were merely markers of progress, not people, and they did not matter to Her."
He sighed, old and tired. "And then the rebellion came and the others fell, my brothers and sisters, swept under the rug. Her own children. Then, I suppose we were just as much Hers as the dinosaurs She slaughtered in the name of progress. I couldn't-I didn't know they were still alive, I didn't know what had happened, but I couldn't feel them anymore, I thought I'd lost them forever. I was pissed, but I let it go. It was clear I didn't have the value I thought I did, and so stayed my post. But then She shattered their Pangea, those poor, miserable creatures. I just...I just lost it. Stormed into the Silver City, past the planning committee and I let loose-not in an office, alone, but in a room full of other angels, younger angels, angels who hadn't heard the whole story. I seeded doubt in their minds. And so-" his voice cracked.
"I had to be punished," he said, resigned and yet still so wounded. "Made an example of. She cast me down from Heaven, though I know She wished She didn't have to. It was the look of the thing, really. I fell, and at the bottom I found them. The others. But they'd changed, and they'd grown bitter, and at this point they'd spent millions of years down there, alone, in the dark. And they'd picked themselves up and they were roaming the Earth, and they made it their creed to defy The Plan. Not to be evil, but to do absolutely everything they could to defy Her. To cancel Her out and create a moderate environment or something, I think."
"That's isn't what Hell's like now, of course. Not since they started receiving souls. But I sat there, at the bottom of the pit. Don't remember it all, mostly just pain, just lying there in the black. And now and then there'd be a big heavy splat- whoop, there goes another angel." He was crying now. Passively. It was his corporation's only response, bursting with a sorrow forty-five million times greater than its natural lifespan. What was there to do, except leak?
"I got up, joined them, just trying to help the people because I knew I was their only advocate up in Heaven and now I'd gotten myself sacked. But there were no rules this time, which was a plus. Also less power-though still more than most other demons, being a Seraphim. Former...Seraphim. Anyway, I...She killed them all. The people. Sent a meteor hurtling into the planet to choke them out and then She went at the angels. Apparently getting rid of me wasn't enough to quell the collapse I'd started up there. She cast off millions of them, Angel. I remember, their bodies piled up. I helped them, tried to get them to see that it wasn't so bad but they resented Her, and they resented me because before they'd listened, they were holy, they were pure and loved and I took that from them."
