Her Song (Florence Pugh)

Brand New

Me: I did it. I threw him out.

Ash: Fucking finally. That son of a bitch deserved it.
Ash: Are you okay though?

Me: Yeah, I'm good. I just wanna take a nap.

Ash: Text me if you want me to come over <3

I sigh and put down my phone, rubbing my temples to soothe the tension that has built up there. Syd is curled up next to me on the couch, sound asleep as Shrek plays on the living room TV.

My phone rings and I hurriedly answer it to avoid waking Syd. "Hello?" I answer it quietly.

"Hi, I'm calling from Dr. Lancaster's office. Is this Ms. Y/L/N?" a young woman asks. She's probably a nurse.

"Yes it is." I carefully get off the couch and move to the kitchen to avoid disturbing Syd.

"Dr. Lancaster listened to your voicemail and would like me to inform you that everything is probably fine. We're happy to do a checkup just to be sure, but we're booked pretty full right now. The earliest we could get her in is the middle of next month."

I scoff before I can stop it. "Next month? Are you serious right now? I am telling you something is wrong and you can't even squeeze her in until next month?"

"I'm afraid there's nothing more we can do. But Dr. Lancaster asked me to assure you that your daughter is perfectly fine-"

"Respectfully, Dr. Lancaster is a pretentious douchebag who doesn't know shit. I'll find somewhere else to take her," I snap, ending the phone call.

I look into the living room, seeing Syd snoring softly on the couch. My breaths come heavier as tears prick at my eyes. I slide down to the kitchen floor and put my head in my hands, failing to slow the panic overtaking my chest. Something is wrong. Something is wrong. Something is wrong.

My phone rings. I'm worried it might be the nurse calling back to chew me out, but I check the caller ID and answer faster than I'd like to admit.

"Florence?" I breathe into the phone. I suppose my voice must be weaker than I realized, because concern instantly pours from her voice.

"Y/N? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just, um," I pause to hold back a choked sob. Don't do this. I cannot be doing this right now. Sydney is fine. Everything is fine.

"Y/N, darling, talk to me. What's going on?" her soothing voice hums through the phone.

I pause and take a deep breath. When I speak, my voice is quiet. I think it's because I don't want to speak these words aloud. "Sydney has been really sick for a while now. I don't know what's going on, but something is wrong. Her doctor says everything's fine and won't get her in for an appointment. I'm just freaking out a little. It's fine."

"Darling, it's not fine. You're scared, and that's okay. We're going to get Syd to a doctor, and she's going to be perfectly fine. I promise," she assures me. "You'll keep her safe."

"Thank you, Flo. I really wish you were here right now." My heart skips a beat at the realization of the confession I let slip.

"You have no idea how much I want to be there with you. Soon, okay?"

She sounds so sure. So strong and so caring. Like nothing in the world could make her devotion waver.

"Okay."

"I'll call you later. I have to go. Bye, darling."

I mumble a reluctant goodbye and she hangs up the phone.

Syd stirs on the couch, and I instantly recognize the way her face scrunches up in pain. I wet a washcloth with cold water and lay it on her forehead , then kiss the crown of her head.

I change the TV to Netflix and spend the rest of the day on the couch next to Syd.

At some point that night, a song pops into my head and, for hours, I can't get it out. Flo would like this song.

I haven't given her a song recommendation in a long time. Maybe I should just text her. No, that's too clingy.

Oh, fuck it.

Me: I think you'd really like the song "Brand New" by Public Library Commute. It's been stuck in my head all night.

Ten minutes pass. Then fifteen. Then twenty. Then an hour. Then two. I begin to overthink every little interaction we've ever had, chewing the inside of my lip as I think of the stark contrast between being ignored and her caring words earlier.

She finally answers and I try to act cool, but the way I jump up to check the display bruises my ego.

Flo: I just listened to it and it's soooo good!! I love it so much!!! Thank you, darling :)

I smile at the message, but don't open it. Because I'm petty.

All of thirty minutes pass before I pick up my phone again to respond. I may be petty, but I'm also weak when it comes to beautiful women.

A knock on the door interrupts me as I unlock my phone. I look over, seeing that Syd is still asleep. I roll of the couch and jog to the door. When I pull it open, my jaw drops.

"Hey, stranger," Florence greets. With a smirk on her lips and a sparkle in her green eyes, she looks so damn...kissable.

Boyfriend. She has a boyfriend.

"What- what are you doing here? You're supposed to be doing a photoshoot!"

"I had more important things to attend to. May I come in?"

"Uh, yeah, of course," I stumble. She enters the apartment and I close the door behind her, my mouth opening and closing as I try to find the right words. "When you say 'more important things' what...what do you mean by that, exactly?"

"Well, for starters, there's this woman. She's beautiful. And smart, and strong, and independent. And she's hurting," Florence whispers as she steps closer to me. "I needed to be there for her. I want to be there for her. So here I am. If you'll have me."

She looks so determined, so sure that this is what she wants. But are we thinking about the same thing? Because I'm thinking about how goddamn soft her lips look, and for all I know, she could be thinking that she just came here for Syd.

"Florence, I don't- I don't know what you mean."

She sighs, shaking her head and looking to the ceiling to search for the right words. She finally looks back into my eyes with such sincerity it nearly knocks the breath out of my lungs.

"I'm done with this, Y/N." My heart stops. Done? "I'm done with pretending I don't feel unfathomable things for you." My heart beats a little faster. "I'm done acting like I don't want to kiss you breathless every time I see that goddamn smile of yours." My heart skips a beat.

"Florence, I...what about Zach?" I whisper, tears welling in my eyes. "You have a boyfriend, Flo. I can't be the other person."

"You would never be the other person, Y/N."

"But that's what I would be, right? You'd still be all Zach's, and I'd be left wishing you could be mine."

"That's not what I'm saying. Zach doesn't matter anymore-"

"How can you say that?" I scoff, my eyebrows furrowing. "How can you say your boyfriend doesn't matter when you're talking about kissing me-"

"For God's sake, Y/N, will you just shut the hell up for five seconds?" she snaps impatiently. "I broke up with Zach weeks ago, you adorable dumbass."

...Broke up? She's single?

"Oh," I breathe.