Her Song (Florence Pugh)

Suffocate

"Momma, I don't wanna go. Please don't make me go," Sydney begs in a whisper as the nurses prepare to take her into surgery.

"I know it's scary and I know you don't want to do this, but I need you to be strong okay? You are the bravest person I know, and when you wake up, I'll be  right there with you holding your hand."

"You promise?"

"I promise. Are you ready?"

"Am I gonna be better after I wake up?"

I hesitate. I can't lie, but I can't tell the truth. "You're gonna feel tired, and you might have a little headache. You'll still be a little sick, but you'll be much closer to getting better. Does that make sense?"

"I guess so."

The nurse unlocks the wheels on the bed and I walk with them as they roll Syd down the hall. When we reach the red line beyond which I cannot stay, we pause to say our temporary goodbyes.

"I love you more than anything, Sydney. I'll see you in a few hours, okay?"

"I love you, Mommy. I'll see you soon." I press a gentle kiss to her forehead and they wheel her away. The tears begin to fall softly, but I don't have the energy or the strength to wipe them away.

I trudge to the waiting room where Florence is waiting for me. I sit down next to her and she pulls me into her side, protectively wrapping an arm around me. "She'll be okay," Flo states quietly. "She has to be."

I say nothing in response.

TWO HOURS IN

Flo leans forward in her chair, resting her elbows on her knees and staring holes in the carpeted floor. I sit next to her, bouncing my knee up and down and constantly checking the screen in the corner for updates.

But there's nothing. I know there won't be, but I keep checking anyway. They said it would take at least four hours, and I've already grown impatient.

There's a loose thread on the chair I sit in. It's pissing me off.

THREE AND A HALF HOURS IN

I'm growing impossibly anxious now, biting my nails as I pace back and forth in front of Florence's chair. She could be done surgery soon. Or she might not. Hell, she might not even make it off the table.

No, I can't think that. That can't happen.

Florence grabs my arm to stop my pacing. She doesn't say anything. She doesn't need to. Her face says it all.

FIVE HOURS IN

I have to know what's happening. Why is it taking so long? Why isn't she done yet? Did something go wrong? Is she going to make it? Is she going to be the same kid she was before?

Why is it taking so long?

My phone vibrates. I was going to ignore it, but it keeps vibrating. It's the group chat.

Lizzie: Are you alive? I haven't heard from you in forever. How are things with Flo?
Scarlett: Yeah, seriously
Did you fall off the face of the Earth?

Me: Sorry, everything's been hectic lately. I've been at the hospital. Syd has cancer. Florence has been here with me.

The typing bubbles pop up and disappear several times.

Scarlett: What hospital are you at?
Me: Why?
Lizzie: Just tell us
Me: NY Presbyterian

SIX HOURS IN

The door to the waiting room bursts open and my head instinctively snaps up. Scarlett and Lizzie storm in with their faces flushed, as if they had just run a marathon.

Lizzie mutters an 'I'm so sorry' and Scarlett says that everything will be okay, but nobody says anything else. They sit down next to me and we wait in silence.

SEVEN HOURS IN

I rub my temples to try and calm the ache that's built up over the hours. I hear my name called, and I look up to see Dr. Shepherd standing there looking at me.

I jump up and stand in front of her. "Is she okay?"

Dr. Shepherd breathes deeply. "There were a few complications, which is why it took so much longer than expected..." She gently grabs my hand. "We'll need to watch for any speech impairments but she should be awake in a few hours."

"She's alive?" I breathe.

"She's alive. Come on, I'll take you to her."

I let out a watery laugh but hesitate. I turn around, knowing that we won't all be allowed in post-op. I meet Florence's ready eyes and she mouths 'go.'

I nod my head in a silent thank you.

THREE HOURS LATER

Scarlett, Lizzie, Florence, and I sit around Syd's bed in the hospital room, waiting for her to wake up. I hold Florence's hand tightly, and Lizzie smiles slightly when she sees it.

Syd's face scrunches up and she begins to mumble something incoherent. I lean forward and take hold of her hand.

"M...Maman? Où suis-je? J'ai mal à la tête."
Mom? Where am I? My head hurts.

"Tu es à l'hôpital. Pourquoi parles-tu français?"
You are at the hospital. Why are you speaking French?

"Je ne parle pas français."
I'm not speaking French.

"Florence, can you go get the doctor?" I ask quietly.

"I'm going."

Scarlett and Lizzie exchange worried looks as I rub Syd's hand. She looks so small. Her head is wrapped in white bandages. Her eyes are glossy and tired. She continues to mumble to herself, blinking groggily.

Dr. Shepherd walks in with Florence close behind. "What's going on?" Dr. Shepherd asks.

"I don't know. She woke up and started speaking French. She thinks she's speaking English."

Dr. Shepherd checks Syd's pupils and heartbeat as she speaks. "But she understands you? And she's speaking clearly?"

"Yes. But she's speaking French."

"We're obviously not out of the woods yet," she says, looking at me, "but this is good. Better than I expected. Your daughter is a fighter, Y/N."

"Non, je suis sataniste," Syd mumbles.
No, I'm a satanist.

~

I hope you know,
As I wait, I suffocate

~

a/n: hello friends i am currently fighting the urge to write an OCxOC story involving agents of shield so someone tell me no
-blake