Can't Trust Summer

(13) Mother's Memory

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Anna's eyelids felt heavy when she sat up in bed. It had been a rough night of tossing and turning; worry rushing through her as she anticipated facing Linda since she returned home. It was already a bad day - the reminder of her mother haunting her existence as she struggled to get up. This day always seemed to drag on and Anna hated it - more than anyone in the world.

She used the palms of her hand to rub her eyes as she stood up and sucked in a harsh deep breath. She could already feel the day weighing on her as she dragged her feet to the bathroom so that she could at least try to keep her routine intact to prevent anything else going wrong for her throughout the day.

The water didn't seem hot enough no matter what temperature she made it, so she made her shower quick. Getting dressed was an entirely different story. She sat on the edge of her bed, completely zoned out and lost in the haze. Everything around her seemed blurry and for once, her brain was silent - just as silent as it was the night of the accident. The house was painfully quiet. A slight ringing formed in her ears, but after a while, she lowered her head and used the little energy she had to force herself up and finally get dressed.

Everything Anna did seemed like it was occurring in slow motion. Getting dressed, exiting her room, walking down the stairs... Every movement felt prolonged and over dramatic as she pushed on.

She turned the corner and walked into the kitchen, the arrangement of roses, daisies, and tulips in a vase immediately caught her attention. Anna stood near the counter, seeing the flowers carefully placed around each other with a note tied to the vase. She smiled, wondering if her dad had done that - he knew those were her mothers favorite flowers.

She untied the ribbon that held the note to the vase. It was carefully folded into a square and Anna realized that the writing was not her fathers - but rather Linda's. She slightly frowned, wondering if there was going to be something upsetting or a dig inside the note.

She flipped the paper open and started reading the handwritten note.

Dearest Anna May,

I know the last few weeks have been incredibly rough for all of us but most of all today. We haven't been getting along and I know it's not either of our faults. What I was doing was hurting you and I had no idea that it was affecting you in this way. In return this made you resentful to me and I completely understand why. You've been trying, and you've always been such a beautiful and kind girl towards me since I met your father. I should have known something more was going on when you started acting out. You've never been that way before. You've been the best soon to be step-daughter and the best big sister Aris could ask for.

I know I can never be your mother or even begin to understand the relationship you two had. From everything you and your father have told me, it sounded like the most special bond that a child and their parents could have. I know it won't entirely be the same, but I intend to love you just like my own... and I want to be there for you in any way that I possibly could. I'm going to try and be more thoughtful and sensitive from here on out about you, the home, and everything else. I never meant to hurt you the way I did and I hope you can forgive me for it all. I'll understand if you don't though, but I truly hope that we can come to a mutual understanding. I love your father, Aris, and especially you Anna. Your mother raised a very kind and sensitive young lady and I want to continue to help shape you into a wonderful adult.

These were your mothers favorite flowers, right? I bought that for you. You can keep them, take them to her grave... do whatever you wish with them. I hope they made you smile for a second. Please, just do me one favor. Hold these flowers close - and close your eyes. Think of your favorite memory with your mother and speak it out loud. Nobody but you will hear it, and her of course, because she's always with you no matter where you are. Remember the good times with her and cherish every memory you have about her. We love you Anna, and you're on our minds especially today.