READ MY INNER MONOLOGUE!

A Life In My Head.

Saturday 29th January 2022, 10:23pm.

Dear Diary, 

I'm taking my own advice, and taking up a diary. Simply because I really, really obviously use writing as on outlet. (Side note: Not necessarily purposefully but when I sit and decide to write it doesn't matter if it's research or schoolwork or leisure, everything just comes out as a spontaneous, confused, unfiltered me.) I was meant to be putting together research and logging what I found, drumming it into my hesitant skull for a comic on mushrooms my 15 year old cousin wants. Writing this now it's starting to hit me that I'm being stupid, doing all this for some inevitably dumb, below-average comic (Side note: Not because of my cousin, because I have no planning skills or talent in general.) my cousin likely won't take two glances at. What am I trying to prove? I really don't know. 

(Side note: For some reason I think I got distracted and just started going on about some of my current anxiety) I continue jumping at loud noises, they make me insanely uncomfortable I don't know why but I mean every human gets uncomfortable about overwhelming or sudden stuff.

Social media (Side note: Which has always been a first-world plague swallowing up generations of kids like me, seeping it's way sneakily into our minds and gradually fucking up the programming) is really scaring me too right now. All this bad stuff going on. What's scaring me the most is the treat of war from Ukraine. Is it from Ukraine? I don't even know but some kind of independence war stuff we're going to be dragged into.

 (Long ass side note: Reading and copying this down now it's clear, and fucking upsetting, my own confusion and lack of understanding about why the fuck this is actually going on right now, I'm not the only one confused about all this mess and it really sucks, it just goes to show we really are just innocent members of the public, yet again being pulled into stuff our governments fuck around with like stupid kids that are just given way too much power, responsibility, fucking testosterone, that they know how to deal with. You hear that all the time, "innocent people" and don't bat an eyelid, just everyday people, and when those people are under threat, when you're under threat. That holds so much more weight)

I'm so scared. And all other problems, money and stuff. Not even problems but all first-world things, they all feel pathetic. All of it, all the stuff the human race has achieved (Side note: What I mean here are the Grammy's, movies, who has the biggest fucking skyscraper) is all so dumb and pathetic I just wonder why we ever cared about it when we should've cared about each-other. I pray to a god, that I'm not sure believe in but I've never believed more than I do now, for our safety, my safety, my dogs, my family. I manifest (Side note: I do that a lot) that it'll all be solved . Just wait until it turns out all this panic is over dumb meaningless manmade greed. Fucking capitalism. -> 10:36pm 

End Notes: I honestly am right. I know I am. Capitalism has birthed so much anger and greed from humans and it's so wrong. We should all be loving each-other, caring about each-other, and because of the fucking government and capitalism here we are fighting with one another because we just want more and more. Or rather the fat pigs in power want more and more and more and more and more and some will follow in their steps, newsflash: big cars =/= big dicks. You're all compensating for what you don't have. Not physically but emotionally. And I am so scared having to watch everything go down, an innocent bystander to the hungry bears and wolves (no offence to the bears and wolves) tearing everything apart. Nuclear radiation isn't the only toxic chemical on my mind, there is also the government. Now as my fingers continue catching speed as I race against time and impending fucking doom to publish this to you, know that I love each and every one of you out there and I'm sorry for the world we found ourselves so unfortunate out become a part of, they say a dystopia is impossible, but we just call that fucking reality. Or the UK. See you soon.