Dancing with a Stranger

Chapter Thirty-Eight

"Tiff, I slept with Braden."

"Geez, Lacey. When you said you needed a 911 emergency hang out, this is not what I was expecting."

Tiffany walks past me into my apartment, stopping in the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. Finding an new bottle, she pours it into her glass as I reach for a wine glass of my own. After pouring mine, she starts walking to the living room before stopping and glancing back at the bottle.

"On second thought, we're going to need this whole damn bottle!" She chuckles, picking up the bottle in her hand and taking it with her to the couch. "So, when did this little tête-à-tête happen?"

I plunk down beside her and take a large gulp of wine. Little does she know, I've been sipping on wine all day, trying to numb the conflicting thoughts in my head. "Umm... at his mom's birthday and retirement party last night."

Tiffany nearly spits out the wine she just ingested. "Dang, Lace! You couldn't even wait to get home? What's gotten into you?"

"It just sort of happened."

"A kiss is something that sort of just happens. Getting naked and knockin' boots requires a bit more than 'just happened'."

I can't read her expression. I know she's shocked, I can sense some disappointment, but there's also a hint of... pride perhaps, in her gaze.

"Did you want it?"

"Yes? No? Maybe?" I sigh. "I don't know."

She sits up straighter, concern flooding her face. "Wait! He didn't force you, did he?"

"What? No! Definitely not."

"Good." She relaxes against the arm of the couch and takes another sip of wine. "Then again, Braden couldn't force you to do anything."

That's what you think.

"Do you regret it?"

This. This is the question that has been running through my mind all day. A very large part of me regrets it, yet another part of me doesn't. And I don't know the "why" for either feeling. Until recently, Braden has been the one holding my heart for the greater part of a year. We have memories, feelings, hopes, and dreams together. At the same time, Nikolai has blown into my life like an uncontrollable tornado, sweeping me away in his funnel cloud to the wonderful world of Oz filled with new people, new experiences, and unexplained passion and wonder.

"Yes? No? Maybe?"

"Did sex with Braden take your vocabulary too?" She chuckles, eliciting a small smile on my part.

"It's just really complicated. Part of me doesn't and part of me does. I can't pinpoint why for either of them."

"Does Nikolai have anything to do with this confusion?"

"Of course, he does," I say. "Though we haven't defined anything, I definitely have feelings for him, and I'd like to imagine I'm more than just a regular fuck for him too."

"And Braden?"

A deep sigh escapes me. "Oh, Tiff, for a few hours, it felt like old times. You know I've always loved his family, and I got completely caught up in the nostalgia of it all. Imagining what it would have been like had he not pulled his recent stunt."

"But he's trying, Lacey," she responds. "He's realized his mistake and wants you back."

"It's not that easy anymore, Tiff."

"Because of Nikolai."

Because our entire relationship was built on a lie leading up to me meeting Nikolai.