Gone

Chapter 4 [Juliana] The new Me

 

       My eyes flutter open in an unfamiliar room, as I suddenly realize that I'm in the hospital, as I glance to the side and I notice my mother sitting in the chair next to me. She is peacefully sleeping, her eyes sadly closed, and she is gently holding onto my hand. I carefully take a long look around the room and notice that my father isn't anywhere to be found. You would think after all of these years that I would be used to it by now, but I'm not.

        My mother wakes up and tells me that they had pumped my stomach as soon as I arrived, and that I was so close to flat lining that she herself passed out for a few minutes and couldn't breathe. I honestly can't believe this is really happening to me right now. I was hoping that maybe it was all just one big and screwed up dream! But it crushes my heart to realize that it's not. This is reality. This is my life. And this time I don't know if I'll ever be able to get back onto my feet.

      “Mom,” I softly mutter, as her eyes quickly open and she straightens herself up in her chair, because I'm finally ready to really talk to her about this.

       “I can explain,” I rush out, my stomach painfully aching. “I was just having a bad day, some girls were mean to me at school, and you weren’t home. I was stupid, mom. I mean I wasn't thinking, alright? I never would have done that if I was inthe right state of mind. I promise..."

      “Don’t waste your breath,” she quickly lets out, moving close to me. “I should have been there.”

     “No,” I immediatelty rush out to her, wanting to break into tears because of the guilt I am now suddenly holding within me. “Don’t blame yourself for a dumb mistake that I made. Please.”

     “Oh Juliana. I don’t know what to say sweetheart,” she quietly lets out, nearly choking on the words, before she unexpectedly begins to cry. “I’m so happy I got there in time. You could have died, baby. My only daughter and only child could have died. I'm so happy you're alright.”

      “Me too,” I softly agree. “I wasn’t thinking.”

       She quickly gaps under her breath, “Of course you weren’t...”

      "God--" I let out, trying my hardest to even out my breaths. "I can't believe I did this..."

      She stares deep into my eyes and emotionally kisses my hand, very gently. "And I can't believe it took me this long to realize you have a problem. I should have been paying closer attention. This is about the fifth school you've attended."

     "What?" I carefully demand, really nervous. "Please don't send me to a hospital. Like a mental one, where teens are druggys and depressed, and stuff. Please don't."

       She narrows her eyes and shrugs, whisper, "Juliana--"

       "Mom... I promise things will change," I honestly tell her, as she lets out a long sigh.

    My mother stares at me long and hard, staying silent for almost forever as I stare at her hopefully, my heart feeling shattered... "You have one chance."

      “Is dad mad at me?” I eventually whisper, nervously holding my breath and biting my lip.

        She shakes her head. “Not mad. Neither of us are mad, Julie. We’re disappointed.”

       “Please... I can’t take those girls anymore,” I suddenly let out, tears suddenly filling my eyes as I get the urdge to cry. But thankfully, I hold them back.

       “Me either, sweetheart. I can't stand how they can mentally drive you to this point,” my mother gently sighs. “But you’re still grounded. For the rest of your life.” And then she kisses my cheek.