TEN STEPS, The Kenny Ackerman Story BOOK THREE ~MAYBES by Melly O' Hara

ESTRANGED

CHAPTER  9 ESTRANGED

I left him. It took me nearly two and a half years, but I finally did it.

All because of that first day. At Johnas's. If I had have let Kenny handle it, what came after probably wouldn't have happened. He probably would have been able to keep up his act of being 'the ol' Kenny'. But because I went nuts on Johnas, because it was ME and not him that had thrown the first punch, demanded retribution for Kuchel and Levi, and not Kenny who'd done it; something inside him changed.

Maybe it's because, it WAS me.
Me, who wouldn't raise a hand in anger to anyone.
Me, who always understood the other point of view.
Was it a case of, if I hadn't been so violent, ( me of all people) , then maybe he wouldn't have viewed violence as a solution?
Did it make him think that "I" had changed, so therefore we weren't living by the same rules as on the surface? That we'd become a part of some Wild West, where anything goes?
Or was it just that he'd finally seen that another human being actually TRULY understood his pain? That someone beside himself felt it? And that validated his worst instincts?

I don't know. I never asked him. All I know is that, from that moment on, he changed. Subtly at first. I couldn't tell whether it was an act or an actual change in him, so I doubted me, not him.
He would always come home. Always love me as he always had. Catch my eyes at the bar, while the hookers hung on his every word, giving me a knowing look. Like we were still in this together. But we weren't. It was no act.

Freed from the demons of the past that the Underground contained, he embraced his role as hero. Cleaning out the filth, serving up justice, rescuing the needy. It was like he'd come back to the Underground, been freed from HIS ghosts, and THIS time, he was going to do it right. This time, there was no Kuchel to protect...and fail. There was no Levi to rescue...and leave. There was only him. Me, he knew, I'd be fine. I was on his side.

So THIS time, he was going to do what he COULDN'T when he was growing up here. He was going to run things his way. And, to top it all off; he had the badge from the Queen. He was doing this on HER authority. He wasn't just running some two-bit criminal organisation; he was on the RIGHT SIDE, this time. On the law's side. Heck! Down here, he was the law.
And that justified everything.

And then there was the gratitude, the adoration. By everyone, that wasn't a criminal boss. Even many of the underlings of the criminal mafia had begun to defect to his side.
Eager for pardons. Eager for freedom. Eager to share in that adoration.

Without meaning to, we'd come to an arrangement. As time wore on, I accompanied him less and less on his various missions. He and his boys would carry out their particular brand of justice and rescue those that needed rescuing. At first it was only the children, then families, then just anyone that hadn't been able to leave the Underground.
In the beginning I helped him, but as the number of the rescued grew, I spent more and more time with Martha; feeding, clothing them, wiping away their trauma with compassion and finding them homes on the surface. Until that was ALL I did.

Kenny relished his new role. After all he'd been through with Rod Reiss. Betrayed and cast aside like a stray dog. And his attempted murder by his own Nephew, this was a  balm to his soul. No longer useless, he wasn't just wanted; he was NEEDED. His single-mindedness knew no bounds. The more he saved, the more he wanted to save.
The more his power grew, the more power he craved.
Like a fanatic who'd found religion, his life consumed him and the time we spent apart grew; until sometimes we missed seeing each other completely. Falling asleep while waiting up for him and leaving before I woke; there were times when I wasn't sure if he'd come home at all.