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SIX, feels like we only go backwards
italics — rues narration
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sometimes i wonder how my addiction effected everyone around me, but i don't think i'll ever care enough to find out.
a couple of days before elliot's birthday, news broke out that rue overdosed again. she was fine, her mom found her before any serious damage was done but she would be on suicide watch when she woke up and straight to rehab when she was released. elliot wasn't taking any of the news well, so liana stayed with him for awhile.
the night before his birthday, liana woke up to elliot rushing out of bed and into the bathroom. the sudden sound of retching made her shoot up from her slumber, her eyes adjusting to the bright light of the bathroom. "elliot?" she called out. there was no response, so liana got out of bed and groggily made her way to the bathroom.
elliot was seated on the floor, surrounded by vomit. "elliot, what are you doing?" she asked, immediately grabbing towels from the rack above the toilet and bending down to clean up the mess. "i'm sorry, i couldn't make it." he apologized.
she cleared a path to walk in and out from and sat down next to elliot, continuing to clear the floor.
elliot began to cry, which made liana look over at him. he looked like a sad little boy, she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. "what'd i do?" elliot cried, liana immediately pulling him into her chest. he sobbed quietly into her shirt, she didn't even care about him getting her shirt wet.
she rubbed small circles into his back. "what are you talking about?" she asked softly. "i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry." he repeated. "what are you sorry for? i'm not mad at you." she said. "i did that to rue. it was my fault." he cried. she ran a hand over his hair, lightly stroking his head. "you did nothing wrong."
"i did. i just keep thinking like, maybe if i didn't let her get out of the car she wouldn't have overdosed. and i just had a really bad dream where she died, i just feel so guilty." he admitted. "elliot, her fight with jules was why she did what she did. not you." she assured him. elliot shook his head, "no. it was my fault." he sobbed.
liana held him close, elliot tried his best to not cry on her shirt but failed. "i'm really sorry." he apologized again. "i'm not mad at you." she repeated. "are you sure?" he asked. she nodded, "yes, i have nothing to be mad at you for." she said. "almost killing rue." he said. "you didn't almost kill rue."
"i did. i feel so guilty, what if something happens to her?" he asked. "she's fine. she's stable, they're just waiting for her to wake up. it should be tomorrow, if anything." she said. "yeah but what if something happens? anything can happen overnight." he said.
"she's gonna be okay elliot, this isn't the first time she overdosed."
liana had witnessed me overdosing at least three times since we became friends, which honestly makes me feel a little shitty. she's a prime example of how people around me are effected because after a while, she just became numb to it.
i never overdosed enough to die anyway. but still, sometimes i fear that people around me will get sick of it after a while.
they sat in silence for a while, the only sound being heard was elliot sniffling. liana broke the silent after a while, "is that why you threw up? because of your dream?" she asked. he nodded, "i tried to get up fast cause i didn't wanna vomit on you, but i kinda missed the toilet." he chuckled through his tears.
liana let out a small laugh, her hand still stroking his head until he pulled himself up off of the floor, pulling liana up with him. "i'll clean this, you can go back to bed." he said. liana shook her head, "no, you go clean yourself up. i'll clean it." she said.
elliot asked again but was shot down, so he just nodded and walked out to get changed and freshen up in the other bathroom by ziaylas room.
liana sighed, throwing out any of the used towels until the floor was clean. she flushed the small amount of vomit that elliot did manage to get in the toilet before putting the seat down and washing her hands. by the time she was finished cleaning, elliot walked back into the bathroom with a new shirt on and brushed teeth.
"i'm sorry." he apologized again. liana dried off her hands and gave him a sympathetic look. "i'm not mad at you." she shut off the bathroom light, the couple heading back into bed. once they got comfy under the covers and elliot turned off the lamp again, he turned his body to liana. "can i hold you?"
liana nodded, turning on her side so her back was turned to elliot. he pulled her closer to him, her back now pressed against his chest. he wrapped his arm around her stomach and rested his cheek on top of her head. "liana?" he asked. "mhm,"
"i don't think i wanna do drugs anymore." she rested her hand on his arm, stroking his skin with her thumb. "cause i'm thinking now like, what if i overdose?" he suggested. "i'll leave you, and ziayla. you two are the most important people in my life." he said.
"that's why i felt like introducing rue to you was a bad idea. i don't know what i was thinking, that was stupid." she said. "nah, it wasn't stupid. we just aren't a good match together. that's okay." he said. liana began to drift off to sleep after a while since elliot stopped talking after that, but she managed to have one more small conversation with him before she fell asleep.
elliot was watching her drift in and out of sleep and smiled to himself, propping his head up by his elbows. he was utterly enamored, his whole body felt like fireworks were exploding in him whenever he looked at her. and not to mention when she looked at him.
"i really like you, liana." he admitted. liana let a small smile slip onto her face with her eyes closed, "i know," she muttered.
he lightly chuckled to himself, the girl talking as she fell asleep. he knew she probably wouldn't remember what he said in the morning, so he just placed a small kiss on her cheek and laid his head down on his pillow. "goodnight," he said. "goodnight."
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to make up for my disappearance i'm putting out another chapter today 🙄 be grateful
