In Sickness and in Truth

I

I was strong, yet weak. So weak I needed to have tubes hooked to me and walkers just to get around sometimes. I had to carry medications with me, everywhere, yet I felt so confident and tough. Like I could do, be, get anything I wanted at any time I wanted. Yet I was burdened by my physical state of being. Sometimes I could have a break from the IV's, the tubes and wires, the wheelchairs and walkers, just to walk around and be free from all of it. Be a normal human being. Go to get a warm drink from a cute coffee shop and not get stared at, and that is exactly what I was set out to do that day. I woke up feeling like today would be good, and I wanted to take advantage of being able to do what I wanted and needed.

Once I got to the coffee shop, I ordered my caramel macchiato and took a seat at a nearby table to read my book I just bought a couple weeks ago. About five minutes later they brought my drink out to me, looking perfect. I took a photo just to remember this day, because I knew in my gut and my heart it would be a good one. I sat quietly reading my book, sipping my macchiato, and embracing the vibes of my day.

Once I was closer to finishing my drink, a man walked in who just radiated a different type of energy. He ordered something, too quietly for me to hear, and walked toward me. He was dressed nicely and as he got closer I could smell his cologne, he smelled of pine. I wanted to look away but felt the urge to make eye contact with him. He stopped at my table, and asked "Would you mind if I joined you?" Of course I was elated that he asked and said yes to his request, but I felt myself blush and show a smirk.

"My name is Sage, nice to meet you," he introduced himself without missing a beat as he pulled the chair out to sit with me. I replied, "Maude, you as well," and before I could even get my next question out, he had answered it.

"You seemed as if you came here today on a mission, ready to conquer something. I was hoping to help with whatever that may be." How had he seen through me so quickly? At just a glance?

"Well, my quest today was to grab some coffee and enjoy my day off," I replied. "So you're already done with your mission of the day at 10:36 AM? There's so much time left to do as you please," he seemed to be trying to convince me of something. The waitress brought his drink over with a bagel with cream cheese, he smiled and thanked her. His smile was nice and made me want to smile. He took a sip of his drink and asked, "Would you be interested in doing something else around here? I love a good museum on a chilly day like today."

I was thinking about saying yes, but a thought lingered in the back of my head. If I was sicker right now, my symptoms were showing to the point where one cannot ignore a 20-something year old girl using a walker, would he be sitting here right now, asking me to go to a museum? On the other hand though, this is my chance to live out a life where I don't have to explain that part of me. At least for one day, I won't have to see someone new look at me with the eyes of guilt as if they had done something to cause this or put this disease on me. I decided to go for it, I mean, why not?

We ended up deciding to go to one of the Smithsonians, since they're free mostly and it was just a metro ride away. Once we got close, he asked if I had a face mask before we got close to avoid having to purchase one before getting there. He held the door for me and his eyes lit up once we walked inside. We chose the Smithsonian Museum of American Art, because neither of us had been and it was a little less busy. I told him how much I loved this city, and of course he agreed. We went to the left to start heading upstairs, which made me nervous, but it was nothing I couldn't handle that day. Some days are better than others, right?

We made it all the way upstairs to the first exhibit, and I began asking him questions about himself, "Are you from the area?" He told me about how he is from Washington state originally, and that he had always wanted to live in the other Washington as a kid. Then as an adult he realized how much opportunity, history, and just how beautiful this city truly is. So he applied to colleges out here and eventually got accepted with a partial scholarship. I asked where and what he is studying and about how far along into the degree he is, he responded proudly and with a grin, "Georgetown! I study theology and religious studies, and am in my junior year" I think he knew my next question because once again, he answered before I could even ask it. "No, I don't believe in God, or practice any religion, though. I just think religion is such a beautiful thing. It has so much history intertwined with it, it's caused such anguish for millions of people and yet so much comfort all the same. There is so much to learn from these practices," What a beautiful sentiment to have, for him to see the beauty in something he doesn't believe in.

He asked about me, where I am from, how I ended up here, if I'm in school. I told him half of the truth. "I'm from a small town in Oklahoma called Rosedale, about 60 people. I left Oklahoma to get away from those 60 people." He laughed, "And what about school or hobbies?"

"I've recently started going to school part time online just to see what I can get done. I'm not quite sure what to do with my life so I have decided to keep it cheap until I know the exact path for me. I don't have too many hobbies, sometimes I play video games though," the stuff about school is partially true. I have been taking online courses for almost a year, but not only because I don't know what I want to do with my life. I do online schooling because I am sick. He doesn't need to know that though.

We continued casual conversation all throughout the exhibits on the top floor. When it was time for us to go downstairs I had no trouble getting to the second floor, and I felt really proud of myself for not faltering and showing any weaknesses. I remember the feeling I had when I woke up, strength.

We made it all the way through the museum and I didn't have any trips or dizzy spells and felt proud of myself, I really manifested conquering the day. Although, Sage here helped me out quite a bit. I really enjoyed my day, and as we were getting on the metro to get back to where we started at the coffee shop, he asked for my phone number. I really thought about giving a fake number just so I never have to face him as I tell him I have multiple-sclerosis. It's always a shitty conversation and I hate the way my friends or partners change afterwards. But, I gave him my real phone number. Something was telling me that it would be worth it.

As I went home that evening I felt the day finally catching up to me. I finally got to my apartment and greeted my kitty, Tina, and laid on my couch. I knew I had my first infusion treatment in two days, and I was getting nervous about it. At least I had one great day before dealing with all of that. I took my daily medications and decided to make some quick dinner. The entire time I cooked my ramen, I was thinking of Sage. What a gentleman he was, yet very outgoing. The way his smile was infectious. It was crazy how much he seemed to care about a stranger, so genuinely too. Just as I finished up my dinner, I received a text from him saying he had a wonderful day and would love to take me out on Saturday for a drink or two. Once again I was reluctant to agree, but I replied telling him I should be able to, depending on my school work load and if I will be finished by the evening.

"If you aren't done, I can always bring a pizza!!" He seemed so set on seeing me. I told him that would be okay if I wasn't finished. Truth is, I knew I wouldn't have much homework to do that weekend, but my infusion treatment is Thursday afternoon. I don't know how my body will react, I've read lots about the side effects of this medication so I suppose I will just have to wait to see.

As I laid in bed that night going to bed, I was happy yet anxious as could be. Why did I give him my phone number? So much hurt is going to happen no matter which way this goes. I felt regret, but so much excitement for what could be all at the same time. I eventually fell asleep, thinking about Sage, and what will come of this situation.