In Sickness and in Truth

II

 Thursday morning I woke knowing today would be rough. I felt weak, dizzy, and was having a hard time getting around. I tried using my cane but felt so embarrassed to even pick it up. I wondered why the universe was making me pay like this. I know I wasn't ever the greatest person, but I don't think I was a bad person either. I've been diagnosed with this disease for about two and a half years now, but it has progressed a bit this last year. Doesn't help that the pandemic started and it's difficult for me to schedule doctors appointments and get my treatments done, let alone go anywhere without having to worry about catching something that could potentially kill me. Although things are getting better since they first started, more people are finally wearing their masks and we should have a vaccine soon.

About two months ago though, my doctor and I finally decided to start a new treatment plan and get it executed soon. It was difficult to schedule around all the current circumstances, but we finally found a day to work; today. She warned me to fast 24 hours beforehand to avoid throwing up and other stuff, but I had some water. I had a few hours to kill until I was supposed to go to the hospital, so I decided to try and play some Legend of Zelda, but my hands were not having it. I tried to play for about an hour before giving up, and deciding to cuddle with Tina. I took a shower, got dressed, and decided to leave a little early so I could ask some questions.

I arrived at the hospital at about 1:02 PM and my appointment was at 1:30. I sat in my car and listened to the last song before going inside. I made sure to grab my book, my headphones, and my backpack and made the chill trek to the doors. I put my mask on and stepped in, and could immediately smell the familiar scent all hospitals and doctors offices have.

I walked to the check in counter, and the nurse asked for my name and appointment time. "Maude Monroe, 1:30," I answered swiftly. I wanted to get this over with. I wanted to be home alone with Tina curled up under a blanket watching a murder documentary, or at least something spooky. She found my appointment and set me up in a comfortable chair with a new IV bag hanging up. She asked if I needed a blanket, I didn't, and set up my medications in a line. It was time for her to insert the IV and find the doctor. I put my arm out and rolled my sleeve up for her, and she poked me.

I was quite honestly used to that sensation, I've had blood drawn and IV's too many times to count. The worst thing I've had to endure at the cost of MS other than my daily symptoms was a spinal tap to confirm diagnosis. That is, so far. The doctor quickly walked over after she started my IV to administer the actual drug. She asked if I had any questions, to which I replied no, and if I had any I would ask the nurse. The doctor was reassuring and patted me on the shoulder before walking away. I'm sure she had bigger fish to fry.

The next few hours went by slowly. I read some, I listened to music and my favorite podcast, Crime Junkies, and tried to take a nap, but it didn't really work. I didn't feel great, but I didn't need to throw up or anything like that. I knew my time in this chair was almost over because my IV bag was just about empty. Watching it drain has been almost like torture. Instead of watching paint dry I was watching a slow drip into my bloodstream.

The drip finally stopped, and I knew that it was my time to go. The nurse came over, asking how it was, how I felt, and if I needed food or water. I told her I was okay and I didn't need anything just because I was so ready to leave I felt like I was going to lose my mind. Today felt like such a waste of time, and to think I have to do it again in two weeks. Plus, I felt even worse than when I arrived that morning. I know this is medicine but man, I felt like shit.

I made it home and immediately went to lay on the couch. Tina came out of hiding and stretched, then came and laid on me. I think she always knows when I don't feel well or need some uplifting. I turned on Netflix and looked for something spooky to watch. Once I found something mildly interesting I turned it on. I guess I didn't realize how fatigued I had become, because before I knew it I was waking up from a deep slumber. It was dark outside now, I had missed a couple texts from Sage, and a missed call from my step-dad, Kurt. It wasn't too late, so I decided to call him back.