Still Here (Prussia x Reader)

Still Here

Still Here (Prussia x Reader) Songfic

The song:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ljegvS94qE

~Musing through memories, losing my grip in the grey~

You woke to hear the unfamiliar sound of silence. You wondered briefly why everything was so quiet, and why you didn't hear the familiar sound of his voice. And then the memories came back. 'Too fast...' You thought, the tears making their way back to your eyes. It had been a long time since he left, but you never got used to being without him. 'They always come back too fast...' You thought yet again, burying your face in your hands as you tried to stop the tears from flooding out of your (e/c) eyes. You felt more alone than ever, each second that passed a memory that you lost.

You had loved him so much. No, that was a lie. You still loved him, more than your soul could handle. More than you could handle. Every day you fell deeper and deeper into a crippling depression. The month before, your family had given up on you and submitted you to a nearby hospital, which did nothing to help with the mental and physical state you were in. He had been contacted, but you knew he wouldn't come back for you. He said that the day he left you.

~Numbing the senses, I feel you slipping away~

You tried to get up out of your hospital bed, but you couldn't even move. Your strength was failing you, which came as no surprise, even though you wished it wasn't happening. Without him, you felt numb. It disgusted you to think that he still had that kind of power over you even though he had left you. You felt weak. You felt betrayed. You felt pathetic. He haunted your very dreams, and yet he was so far away from you.

You had felt him slipping away from you even before it had happened.

~Flashback~

"Gil... W-What are you looking at?" You asked shyly, trying to get his attention. He still didn't turn to look at you as he spoke his next words.

"Huh?" He half-heartedly asked and you pouted, following his line of vision. He was staring at some other girl. Instead of feeling jealous, you just felt sad. You had seen him staring at her a lot... It wasn't the first time you'd caught him. You faked a smile even though it was painful and you grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at you.

"Gilbert Beilshmidt... Pay attention to me, will you?" You giggled and asked. He smirked.

"Of course, frauline! I'll give you all of mein awesome attention today!" He proclaimed, putting his arm around your shoulders. You let out a small laugh, but from that moment on you saw him looking everywhere else except for at you.

~End of Flashback~

In your mind, he had been gone for a long time. But that didn't stop you from wanting to feel him by your side again.

~Fighting to hold on, clinging to just one more day~

You tried to shake yourself out of it. This was not healthy. This was not good for you. You wanted to move on. You wanted to move on, just like he did. But despite all of that, you just knew you couldn't. You loved the memory of him too much. His beautiful smile, his deep laugh, and those beautiful crimson eyes. You missed the blonde hair that you used to love to run your fingers through. You wanted to run your fingers along the soft skin of his neck like you used to. But those days were dead and gone.

You just wanted to survive, even though you knew that you probably wouldn't make it past the next couple of days. Why couldn't you be strong like he was?

~Love turns to ashes, with all that I wish I could say~

You couldn't even speak anymore. There were so many things that you wanted to say... To your family... To him. But you knew that he didn't love you. You also knew that nobody would miss you. Your family had already moved on. Your mother was pregnant. With the death of one child came the birth of another. You would soon be long forgotten.