My name is Lincoln Frida Davis. But everyone calls me Lynx. Unfortunately, my life hasnt been going the way I wished it would. As a ninth grader, I've never really experienced genuine love, and its just now hit me that what I've gotten myself into will get me into a lot of trouble. I haven't yet come out to my parents, as they are strictly catholic and conservative. I am not the same. I am secretly in a relationship with someone named Jesse. That's the big problem. It's not necesssrily a healthy one. Honestly Jesse and I are very different people who have different ideas about what love truly is, and I honestly don't think we were made for each other, but Jesse insists we'll get married some day and adopt a child. We're only starting high school, and I'm not yet ready to start planning my future, because I know very well this relationship won't last. I've heard from almost everyone that most high school relationships are flawed and never last long, and it makes sense. We're all hormonal teenagers, what do you expect? Me and Jesse have plenty of differences. They sometimes make me uncomfortable and a little bit frustrated, but to be honest, I always looked past it until someone pointed it out. Astrid. Astrid was my best friend's new classmate in almost every one of his classes. I only met Astrid in person once, in front of my school, where I am now hauling my books into the building, with my backpack dangling behind me, barely staying onto my sore arm. My boots make tiny scuff marks in the ice and snow. The door squeeked open as me and a giant crowd of students rush inside. Chattering and squeaky wet shoes were in every direction you looked. I felt alone, even though I was in a crowded room. I got to my locker and put my things inside. I then quickly jammed it shut so my belongings wouldn't spill out. I'm a very messy person. I grabbed my binder and headed to Science. I got to class and realised.... Where's my computer?! So I bolted back down the stairs and almost fell, ran to my locker, And ran back up, though it felt so long. Science went by like a blur. It's all review, since I dropped out of advanced science. I was walking to my next class as the hallway flooded with kids like a river. I wasn't the tallest person around, so I got shoved around and pushed over oftentimes. I went inside, thoughts piled over me, I knew I hadn't done my homework. Regret filled my body as I walked in the classroom. The class felt so long as she read off the list of names on the attendance sheet. "Sid," she started, "there you are." she continued, pointing at him. "Lincoln," she muttered quietly. "You're here. C'mere really quick, would you?" She said, making a gesture with her short, bony fingers. The panic kicked in. I barely nodded and started walking over to her desk. Everyone watched and softly chattered to each other. "....yes, Ms. Hallory?" I whispered, my voice quaking. I'm not sure why I cared so much. "I know you didn't do your work last night, but I'll let it slide because your past poetry assignments were phenomenal. But please, try to get it done next time." She whispered to me. I smiled and sighed in releif as I walked, upright back to my seat, grinning. The rest of class was good. The rest of the day was fine. No complaints. I was walking out of the door with a coat on, sweat dripping down my neck after P.E. It was raining a bit outside, and some of my middle school friends were there. We breifly said hi, but they felt so emotionally distant, I didn't bother starting a conversation. It seems they forgot about me. I got onto the bus. The boys who threw pens at my friend's head weren't there. Peace. The ride home was scarily quiet. Usually there are so many screaming voices, slurs yelled out, music blasting. But this time all I could hear was the pattering music of the raindrops on the windows. Only feeble whispers throughout the seats. It was so quiet compared to the usual fights, and arguments, i felt like I could hear my blood rushing through my veins. Before I knew it, my stop arrived. I got off with a few people I was sort of close with. The walk felt longer than ever and I slipped on the melting ice a few times. I got home, and as usual, my sister was crying and my father was consoling him with no success, and my step mother was sitting on the couch on her phone, then occasionally looked at her magazines to see the graphic images on the cover. I put my bag down and locked the door, and I didn't even get a hello. I grabbed my things and went into my room and did my homework. I got away with not doing most of my homework anyways, what's the difference? I have good grades anyway. I checked my emails. Nothing. I worked on my project for about 5 minutes. I closed my computer and just realised that I got nothing done. I texted Jesse, because he hadn't talked to me all day. I put my phone down and took a peice of gum from my nightstand. I got up when my sister was quiet at last. She was quiet, but my parents weren't. They were arguing about which one is the good-for-nothing toxic parent. In my opinion they both were. I listened through my door, too afraid to open it. Nothing new. I felt bad for my sister, she's only 4. The muffled yelling didn't stop the hatred and rage radiating through to my room. I hear a smack, and then tiny footsteps.
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Just then, I hear a smal knock on my door and soft sobbing. I open the door to my sister, Lucy, crying softly. My step mother had slapped her. She bawled and stutters while trying to explain what had just happened. We sat on my bed watching TV for a long time. Lucy had fallen asleep on my chest, breathing loudly. Just then I hear a loud ping that lingered in my ears. Jesse had texted me back.
"Nothing. I got home and did nothing but play on my phone all day lol"
Then why didn't he respond the first time? I replied with,
"You missed practice again this week. You promised you'd be there."
And Jesse, dismissing it had said,
"Ok but did u see the yearbook?"
I can't have a conversation without him dissmissing my feelings. I'd be upset and the only response would be 'that sucks,' 'oop' or 'sucks to be u ig,' and sometimes he'll pretend to relstw to get it over with quicker. I'd always dont the best I could to give them advice just to get my feelings dismissed.
