It's Okay, Really

Chapter 6

''You okay?'' The brunet closed the door behind him and walked towards Tachihara. ''No I'm not, I'm dying out of boredom. Good thing you're here.'' Dazai chuckled at his words.

''You've taken off your bandages,'' Tachihara said when he saw Dazai's hands. ''Yeah, my hands are almost healed so I figured there's no need for any more of them. By the way I brought my laptop so you can watch movies now.'' Tachihara's eyes glowed with excitement.

Then that excitement vanished. ''Wait, 'you'? Aren't you gonna watch with me?'' Dazai tilted his head a little as he said, ''Welp, I have to work today so...'' Then he saw a child-like disappointed look on the young mafioso. ''Okay okay don't look at me like that I'll watch with you, I can't stay for the whole movie tho.'' And Tachihara's eyes glowed the second time.

It was Tachihara who chose the movie again, a romance movie this time. ''You got a girlfriend before?'' he asked halfway through the show. Dazai shook his head. ''No, I like boys.'' There was a brief pause, Tachihara didn't respond.

Dazai turned to look at him and said, ''Do you think it's weir--'' ''No!'' Then Tachihara realized that he said that way too loudly. ''I mean, no, no it's not weird, at all.'' He scratched his head as Dazai smiled and nodded. ''But I don't think I'll ever get a boyfriend, cuz people wouldn't even want to be close friends with me, let alone being a couple...'' The brunet's tone turned soft, sentimental.

''Why? You're a nice guy,'' Tachihara said. Dazai shrugged unnaturally, saying, ''They juz-- wouldn't.'' While speaking, he glanced at the floor and looked away, avoiding Tachihara's gaze but quickly masking his unintentional actions.

''But--'' ''Hey.'' It was Chuuya, walking through the doorway. ''You want a ride home?'' Both Tachihara and Dazai turned to look at him, then Tachihara gave Chuuya a dramatically disappointed look as he said, ''So you're here only to give him a ride instead of paying me a visit?'' He pouted like a child. ''Yeah that's right, suck it up,'' Chuuya said as he stuck out his tongue playfully.

Chuckling, Dazai stood up and said, ''I'll leave my laptop with you so you can finish the movie, see ya.'' Then he walked to Chuuya. ''Yeah, see ya,'' Tachihara responded while watching the door close behind those two.

There was a sense of hollow within him. The room felt more empty than it was supposed to be, like he would be okay, if it wasn't Chuuya that Dazai had left with.

*

''You left your laptop with him?'' They walked in the hospital hallway. ''Yeah, he's bored, that's why.'' Chuuya shrugged slightly. ''Well then you better hope he doesn't break it.'' Dazai tilted his head at him, confused. ''Why?'' Chuuya's look immediately turned to an annoyed one. ''Cuz he's broken three mugs and five plates at my house already,'' he said grumpily.

Then they went into the lift, and many people went in too, causing them to be cramped up at the back. Dazai stood beside Chuuya, them both really close to each other because the crowd didn't leave much space.

In the lift was silence, no one spoke, including Dazai. The back of his hand brushed with Chuuya's, he knew because he could feel the gloves. It was an accident, that touch, but then he felt another sensation on his hand again. However this time, it wasn't at the back of it, it was at his palm. Tingling touch tickled as gentle and shy fingers came in soft contact.

Chuuya could feel his own heart race. Despite being a member of the mafia, he hadn't felt this bold. After that previous brush of the back of his hand against Dazai's, his lips pursed a bit, ever so slightly before he moved his hand with hesitation. Slowly, he reached out for the space between Dazai's hip and hand, and gently slipped down to the brunet's palm, going lower and lower until his fingertips aligned with his. He did it so tenderly like he was afraid Dazai might feel him.

Gentle bits of warmth tickled Dazai's palm, then more restrained touches ran down his palm, his fingers, then between his fingers.

Chuuya was trying to hold his hand.

Their fingers slowly intertwined, and Chuuya didn't dare look at Dazai. He looked the other way, staring at the blank metal surface of the lift.

What... what will he do?

He was nervous, because he didn't know how the brunet would react. Would he hold his hand? He didn't know if he would, because up until now, Dazai had no reaction.

Chuuya was close to closing up his hand against Dazai's, when the hand in his suddenly got withdrawn quickly. Startled, Chuuya instinctively turned to look at him, only to meet the back of his head. Dazai was looking away, his own hands interlocked with each other tightly.

Chuuya was confused, but even more, embarrassed.

Shit-- What have I done? Damn it!

It didn't take long for the lift to reach the ground floor, where the door opened and everyone walked out and went in different directions. Dazai too walked out, before Chuuya could. But Chuuya knew he was supposed to give him a ride, so he followed behind Dazai out of the hospital's entrance.

''Where's your bike?'' Dazai suddenly turned around and asked, freaking the ginger head out, whom was already in a panic. ''Th--there, over there,'' Chuuya replied as he pointed across the road.

Heh? What--what's happening??

He got really confused as to why Dazai was acting so casually like what happened in the lift didn't.

Breeze brushed past their skin as they head to Dazai's place. Then halfway, Chuuya felt the grip on his waist tighten, he didn't know why, but Dazai slowly laid his head against Chuuya's back.

*

''Bye bye,'' said Dazai as he returned the helmet. ''Bye.'' With that, Chuuya went in the mafia building's direction for work.

The memory of what happened in the lift flashed across his mind. When he tried to hold Dazai's hand, Dazai didn't back away nor avoid his touch.

Does he like me too? But...

But right when their hands were almost interlocked, Dazai suddenly withdrew his hand, it was as if he suddenly realized or remembered something.

... What should I do?