Fat. Beautiful. Tasty. Ravenous.

Chapter 27

I've had my outfit for the Christmas party hanging on the door to the closet for a few days — a form-fitting, low cut sweater-dress with cable knit leggings. I've been checking and rechecking all of the things we need in order to throw the party and it makes Taishiro chuckle in amusement any time he sees me stressing about something. He always pulls me away when I get like that and assures me everything is prepared. It's more than just me planning this anyway. I shouldn't feel like the only one responsible.

But he doesn't understand that it's not really just the party. I can't tell him what all I'm stressing over.

Part of it is inviting my mother to the party, which he is aware of. Another part, that just keeps getting more and more insistent in my mind, is the fact that I'm not living in my own apartment anymore. Not really. I only go back there when I need clothes or makeup or a particularly comfortable blanket. I haven't stayed the night there in weeks, though I still pay for it.

Why am I still paying for a place I don't really live in? What am I holding onto? Am I a bit nostalgic about having lived there for years now? Am I unwilling to part with its opulence?

No. None of those things have or would stop me from moving forward.

Maybe I'm afraid of Taishiro not wanting to take that step forward... But if that were the case, wouldn't he be uncomfortable with me staying here every night already?

It's Christmas Eve as I get dressed in the outfit I picked out days ago and ask myself these questions again, only succeeding in going in the same circle I've always gone in.

Taishiro's zipping up his costume and watching me as I sit in what I would like to consider Aizawa's chair facing the bed, trying on my third pair of shoes to match the outfit.

I tsk frustratedly and pull these off as well, flinging them away from me as though they've wronged me somehow.

"These aren't the right ones either," I scoff, "The ones I want are at my apartment. Now I have to run back there before I go to the agency today."

Snatching up my keys from the table near the entrance, I head toward the door but Taishiro stops me, taking my hand lightly in his.

"What's wrong?"

"I just... I don't have the right shoes. Now I have to go back to my apartment, all the way across town, and find the ones I do want and-"

His golden orbs glitter down at me as a tiny smile graces his features and I cut myself off, knowing he can see right through this flimsy irritation.

"Is that really the problem? What's goin on, honey?"

I can't tell him though. I still don't know what I want! Why is this such a huge problem to me all of a sudden? I have plenty of time to consider this! Why is it bugging me so much?!

"It's just... the shoes... and I have to go back..." I cast my gaze to the floor, embarrassed and still frustrated.

Taishiro frowns, bringing a large finger to lift my chin. "You have to go back to your apartment. That's okay. Let's go."

I shake my head. "I don't want to go. I mean- I do. I have to. But I hate it."

"You hate your apartment?"

I huff out a sigh. "No!"

"I don't understand..."

"I just hate going back there! I like being here!"

"So you stay here and I'll go get what you want. We still have plenty of time. I'll video call you when I get there and you can tell me-"

"No! That's not-" I growl in frustration, grinding my teeth as my tail snaps at the ground, "I don't want to stay while you go."