Another Chance

5

It was Friday night again and they were watching an episode of Backyardigans because Gabriel had asked if they could see a movie, but Nathalie had advised against it because Bastien’s attention span was still too short for a one hour and a half movie. So, they settled on Backyardigans even though Nathalie had admitted to him, in an aside their son couldn’t hear, that she hated them.    

He’d always known she was a woman of taste.

Despite her suffering, she had a smirk on her face that told him she still had a small villainous part inside of her because her happiness at having someone to share her misery with was quite obvious. And she was right too because Gabriel felt like those shrill voices were about to pierce his eardrums anytime now. The music, the dance. Urghh!

Luckily, Bastien eventually slept, and they were able to shut the TV down. He helped Nathalie carry their son to his bed and after he was properly tucked in and kissed by her a lump started to form in Gabriel’s throat and he knew why.

Nathalie had built a home here. In the last two weeks, this little two-bedroom house had started to feel more like a home to him than his mansion had felt since Emilie entered her coma. Especially since that feeling of emptiness had only grown after Nathalie abandoned him and then Adrien’s current absence was just making a bad thing worse again.

“Nathalie, have you kept a photo album of him?” He asked, in an attempt to buy him some more time there with her.

“I do.” She made a face and corrected herself, “Or I did, actually. In the beginning, I used to print the photos, but now I just print the ones for display, like the portraits you saw in the living room and the bedrooms. Now I store the rest in the cloud though. Do you want to see it?”

“I do.”

He followed her to her room where she opened her wardrobe to retrieve a photo album then she went to sit on her bed padding the spot beside her. He took her invitation up and, unfortunately, the album hadn’t pictures of Bastien’s birth but was one taken by a nurse of crying Bastien on a baby scale that read 2.563 Kg. Not a big baby at all.

“What was your pregnancy like?” 

“Difficult.” He thought he might have made an alarmed expression because she immediately expanded, “I mean, it’s not easy to find a new job when you’re expecting, and I couldn’t take much of a maternity leave      but luckily my employer let me work from home most of the time so...it worked.”

He took everything in and considering her previous health issues and the fact that Bastien had been such a small baby he was sure Nathalie was giving him an edited version of her pregnancy, “You don’t have to spare me you know.”

“I…” She looked uncertain of what to say and opted to move to the head of the bed instead of answering, adjusting the pillows there for both of them.

He understood and moved up there to sit by her side and Nathalie placed the album over her thighs, slightly diagonally so he could better see the pictures.

“I know it must have been difficult.” He prodded.

“What do you want me to say, Gabriel?” She looked directly at his eyes now. The center of her brows arching upwards. “Do you want me to say it was bad? Because it was. But I don’t want to shove my pain and problems into your face because having Bastien was my choice and, obviously I didn’t know all the risks, but I knew it would be difficult to raise a baby by myself, so don’t make this about yourself, ok.”

“Tell me. I want to know.”

“It was a high-risk pregnancy. I was 38 years old, and age normally brings its own set of problems, and I was pretty stressed out because I didn’t know what other damage the peacock miraculous could have inflicted besides the ones already knew about and thought I had already recovered from. The thing was I had eclampsia and the doctors had to do an emergency c-section or both of us could have died. Bastien was such a small baby, but he was already over 2.5 Kg which was a relief at least. He still had to be in an incubator for another 3 weeks though. The good news is that none of that had anything to do with the peacock, even if I discovered I do have asthma now.”

Her hands were resting over the album, and he covered them with his. “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that alone. Both of you could have died and I would have been none the wiser.”

“You would, actually.” She said looking really ashamed now. “You’re still listed as my emergency contact.”

“Oh.” He said a little surprised, and he was both saddened at the revelation of what could have been and time hopeful at the fact that she hadn’t erased all vestiges of him from her life after all.

She mistook his facial expressions and said, “It’s ok. You’re here now because you want to be, not because of a tragedy or out of some sense of guilt.”

“Oh, there’s plenty of guilt, Nathalie. I know what I did.”

She turned her hand around under his so they could hold each other’s hand properly and said, “None of that, ok. Let’s just enjoy the time we have now, alright?”

“Alright.” And with her other hand she turned the page to a very small Bastien eating on his highchair, his chubby cheeks and nose dirty from some orange goo that would probably be mashed bananas.

At some point, when he asked Nathalie something about a particular photo, he noticed that she was already asleep with her neck craned at such an odd angle that he was sure she’d wake up in pain. So, he put the album on the floor, took her glasses off careful not to wake her up, and gently laid her down on the bed. She hadn’t changed into her pajamas yet and those jeans looked extremely uncomfortable, but he wouldn’t dare do anything about that. Still, he unbuttoned them and pulled the zipper one centimeter down so she wouldn’t sleep in too tight clothes.

Then he took his shirt off and placed it on the back of the chair by the table near the window. Took off his belt and placed it on said table. Put his glasses on the other bedside table and laid down beside Nathalie, over the covers. Much better than her sofa, that was for sure.

---

He woke up to the feeling he was being observed. When he opened his eyes, he saw Bastien’s little head just beside his. His eyes still had gum. The boy whispered, “I’m hungry.” 

“Ok.” He whispered back and started to get up when he noticed that he was covered with the banket Nathalie used to leave on the couch for him for whenever he wanted to stay the night and that she was still asleep. Besides that, she had changed into pair of pajamas at some point while he slept. Touched by her kindness, Gabriel put his index finger over his mouth and said “Shh. Let’s not wake mommy up.”

In response, Bastien imitated his hand gesture and nodded.

Mornings in Toulouse were a novelty for Gabriel. Nights not so much anymore, since he’d been here for dinner almost every night for the last two weeks. Gabriel couldn’t say he wasn’t a little scared when he saw his son in Nathalie’s room. Oddly he’d felt more like a teenager caught by his girlfriend’s parents, than the father sleeping next to the mother of that same little boy that woke him up.

As it turned out, all he needed was YouTube (thank goodness for that) and he quickly prepared some pancakes. Nathalie had strawberry jam to go with them and he cut some fruit as he had seen her do the other day while the coffee machine did its job.

“Are you my mommy’s boyfriend now?”

Gabriel froze. He could see how Bastien would have come to that conclusion after this morning, so he tried to keep calm and answered in his most nonchalant tone as if he wasn’t being interrogated by his own son on a very sensitive and compromising matter while putting some jam on Bastien’s pancakes. “No.” He spoke carefully as if by speaking in his normal tone he would cause a landslide or something. “Your mother and I are just friends.”

His son squinted his eyes at him apparently trying to understand the situation and “Then why were you sleeping on her bed?”

He’d never felt so intimidated by a child in his whole life. What should he say? Was his panic showing? Was he about to lose whatever relationship he was beginning to forge with his son? “Your mother was showing me pictures of you when you were a baby and we fell asleep.”

“Oh.” And then, “Ok.” And just like that, he dropped the topic much to Gabriel’s relief. But then “If you are my mommy’s friend, then how come I’ve never seen you before?”

Gabriel made a mental note to ask Nathalie to inspect Bastien’s birth certificate to make sure Bastien was really only three    , but right now he had explanations to give. "So, have you ever yelled or said something to your mommy that hurt her or did something foolish that made her sad or angry?”

Little Bastien dropped his gaze to his feet and shyly confessed, “Yes.”

“Then you’ll understand.” And Gabriel carried his son and sat him on the counter   while he took one of the stools, so they were both the same height and continued. “See, your mother was my best friend, and she helped me through the most difficult period of my life.” Then out of the corner of his eye, he caught movement in the corridor, and sure enough, there was Nathalie standing, leaning on the wall, watching the scene unfold. He looked to her for support and she gave him in the form of an almost imperceptible nod that he knew meant to go ahead.

So, he did. “I was very sad and angry because I had lost a very important person that I loved very much, and I treated my best friend very badly and made her feel like I didn’t like her and that’s why your mother left me.”

Bastien also looked at his mother and then back at Gabriel and he had Nathalie’s thoughtful expression as he said, “What you did must have been really bad because mommy always forgives me.”

“Yes. Your mother is very forgiving.” He looked up at Nathalie with a sad smile, “But I made her think I didn’t want her around.” Then he turned his gaze back to his son.

“Why would you do that?” The innocence in his son’s eyes and the loveliness of his voice were heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time.

“Because...” Gabriel’s voice broke. His stare went from Bastien to Nathalie and back to Bastien again because he had no idea how to explain to his 3-year-old recently discovered son that he’d been obsessed with reviving his magically comatose wife and became a supervillain aided by said son’ saint of mother and while doing that he took advantage of Bastien’s mommy by sleeping with her and getting her pregnant and then isolating her until she’d feel unwelcome enough and afraid enough of what he would do when he discovered her pregnancy to the point where she'd think that to flee and hide was her only option?

“Because...after I hurt your mother, I felt incredibly guilty and ashamed of my actions and because of that, I refused to talk to her for a long time. So, you see...I think maybe your mother wanted to forgive me, but I couldn’t forgive myself and that’s why I ended up hurting her even more.”

It looked like Bastien was trying hard to understand what his father was telling him, but it was clear to Gabriel that as simple as he’d tried to keep his explanations to the kid, it was still too much. So, he decided to divert his attention to something his son could actually understand.

So, Gabriel went further “And that’s why I didn’t know you existed. Because when you were born your mother had already moved away from me.”

Bastien breathed an “Ahhh.”

“And I was looking for your mother to tell her I’m sorry” His gaze shifted to Nathalie by the wall again. “To say that I missed you, Nathalie.” Her eyes were glassy, but she didn’t move from her spot.  “That I have missed you every day since you left, and that life wasn’t the same without you.” And then back at Bastien, “that’s how I found you too. And I wanted to meet you immediately. Because you’re my son too and I wanted to know you, Bastien.”

Bastien looked at his mother very confused. Nathalie’s body was tense. Her expression was angry. But she recovered fast, softened her face, and went to Bastien. No doubt she could see there was use denying now since it would only cause more harm than good. Still, it was clear to him that she was going to kill him very slowly as soon as Bastien took his afternoon nap.

“Yes, baby. Gabriel is your father.”

Bastien was confused. That much was obvious. Gabriel regretted not keeping his anxiety on the matter on a tighter leash because he might just have ruined everything right now.

Nathalie continued to soothe their son. “It’s ok, baby. You want to know what this means, right?”

Bastien nodded his affirmation. Thank goodness Nathalie was here to save his sorry ass for her to kick it later.

“Well, it means that Gabriel will take care of you with mommy. That if you want, he can put you to sleep too and tell you bedtime stories. That he can take you to the park and you can eat ice cream together. But also, that you must obey him and that he can ground you if you don’t.”

“Adam and Julian call their father daddy,” Bastien spoke looking from his mother to Gabriel then back to Nathalie.

A half-smile escaped from Gabriel’s mouth as he realized all wasn’t lost. It was clear to him now that if Nathalie wasn’t there to minimize the damage, he could have made things so much worse. Yet his son wanted to call him daddy!

“Yes, they do,” Nathalie said.

“Do you want to call me that?” Gabriel dared ask, hope growing within him now.

“Yes.”

“Then you may.”

“Ok, daddy.”

---

In all their time together, Nathalie couldn’t remember if she’d ever seen Gabriel smile with his full face. Not even when Emilie was still among them. Then he had always made sure to appear professional, even if he was sweeter around his wife.

This was a dream. She could almost forget his recklessness when he had almost put everything in danger. Bastien’s emotional and mental health. She had to talk to him. But not now. Now they would enjoy this moment. This was what he came here every day for.

“Can I hug you, son?” it was the most constricted she’s ever heard Gabriel’s voice when not in a dire situation.

Bastien leaned forward to hug his dad. It was the first time they’d hugged each other.

She could see that Gabriel was still tense. The last bit of their conversation had been difficult, and he had never been the one to explain life, sentiments, and relationships to Adrien when he was a toddler (well, never actually, if she was being honest).

He should’ve waited for her. He couldn’t simply come into their lives and make life-changing decisions like that. That’s not what they had agreed on less than two weeks ago.

She was furious with him. He could’ve ruined everything. He could’ve hurt Bastien. Then he’d swan off back to Paris, and she’d be the one to deal with a broken-hearted child.

After some breathing exercises to control her temper, her stomach finally grumbled, and she went to kiss her son good morning. Gabriel mouthed a silent I’m sorry that she chose to ignore. He made one of those contrite faces he was specializing in nowadays and she felt bad for marring this moment that should have been perfect. She’d wanted it to be perfect.

She knew the old Gabriel and where his loyalties lay and that they weren’t with her. She didn’t know this Gabriel. She wanted to believe he is a better man. She needed to. Because deep down she knew she still loved him and because they have a son together. But she’d be damned if she’d let him disappoint Bastien to fulfill his own selfish emotional needs.

---

They chose to go to the park and watch Bastien play with the other kids and planned to have lunch afterward in a child-friendly restaurant.

When they got to the park, Bastien was at once greeted by the boys he’d befriended from his previous visits there with his mother and ran off with them. Gabriel immediately felt the change in the atmosphere around them because their son had acted as an inadvertent buffer between him and Nathalie, who he knew, had every right to be as mad at him as she obviously was. The heart of the matter was that he wasn’t familiar with this side of Nathalie and was at a loss over what to do.

Before she had been his subordinate and whatever opinions she might have had about him personally or professionally, she’d them keep to herself. Then, after she became Mayura, she’d had more input on both his plans and how he’d raise Adrien, but she’d never gone as far as reproaching him about anything. He’d been in a position of power over her, and he’d always made a point of making that clear.

This was new terrain, and he was uncertain of their dynamics. This new Nathalie over whom he had no control over at all and who’d made sure she didn’t need him for anything, financially, emotionally, or logistically was pissed at him and she had no qualms about letting him know it.

“Nathalie, I…”

“Don’t. Not now. Not here.”

He looked down, to their son and, “When, then? We need to talk.”

“Oh, that we do.” And that came tinged with irony.

“Ok.” And when she didn’t reply nor added anything more, he got up and went to stand near where Bastien was playing. It wasn’t long before he had company. He exhaled a heartfelt smile and “I’m sorry…” But then he continued slightly consternated with an “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.” When he saw it was a blonde green-eyed woman with too many teeth showing by his side rather than   Nathalie.

“That’s ok. There are lots of people here.” The woman smiled brightly at him. “But they’re usually moms. I’ve never seen you here before.” She took a step back to appraise him. “Are you new in town?”

He felt odd. This was precisely the type of interaction he’d wanted to avoid by being a recluse. But there was no use antagonizing people. “Oh, no. I don’t live here. I just came to visit my son.”

“Oh...I’m sorry. He lives with his mother then?”

“Yes.” It was a miracle how if he just dressed more casually and didn’t do his trademark hairstyle   how people here would never connect this face with his more public persona.

“It’s so good to see a dad here. I’m sorry, my name is Regina. Divorced too.”

“No, we’re not…” He was about to tell her he and Nathalie weren’t married when he felt Nathalie’s hand from behind sliding around his arm, as she took the spot by his side. She looked even more displeased than before but this time her gelid and angry glare was directed to the smiling woman, who immediately looked uncomfortable and out of place.

But it wasn’t until Nathalie uttered a simple, cold, monosyllabic “Go.” to her that the woman said, “I didn’t mean to intrude,” to Nathalie and “Goodbye” to Gabriel before going to watch her son from another spot.

After the not-so-smiling-now-woman left, he was left with a Nathalie by his side like a cold slow-motion explosion that no one noticed was going to destroy everyone in its radius, and coincidentally that was only him.

He tried to offer his, “Tha…”

But he never got to finish his gratitude because Nathalie interrupted him with an indignant “What the hell were you doing? Picking young yummy mommies up at your son’s playground?”

“Oh, you know I’d never be like that!” He replied because that was absolutely ridiculous.

“I’ve only known you with Emilie and then you not over Emilie.” She said defiantly.

“Nathalie!” He wasn’t sure if he was trying to beg her or to argue with her.

“We’ll talk after he naps. You owe me an explanation for this morning.” Deflection again. But the truth was that he did owe her an explanation.

“Ok.” He gave in, happy for the respite.

“Let’s sit.”

---

What was happening to her? She’d always been able to keep her feelings in check. This was…unexpected and unwelcome to say the least. She couldn’t have a repeat of that. There was too much at stake now. She couldn’t let her feelings and a lack of control get in the way of Gabriel’s relationship with Bastien.

The air had been thick between them since then and it had been difficult to keep the conversation going at lunch. Thank goodness Bastien hadn’t noticed and had kept talking for three.

When they back got to her house, Nathalie tried to focus on the practical and asked for help to give Bastien his usual bath before his nap.  Unsurprisingly Gabriel didn’t know what to do, but she instructed him to choose some comfortable clothes for their son and after the bath was finished, she asked him to towel off their kid and get him dressed, giving her time to go change herself since her outfit had gotten drenched while bathing him.

By the time she got back to Bastien’s bedroom, now wearing a dry white blouse with buttons and khaki  shorts that reached only to the middle of her thighs, Gabriel was already sitting down with Bastien with a book in his hand. She took the opposite side of their son to Gabriel, to listen to him read too until they could escape to have their own conversation and break this tension between them.

Thankfully they didn’t have to wait too long, as, by the time Gabriel finished reading the third page, Bastien was already out.

By mutual silent agreement, Gabriel went to wait for her in the living room, but she went to the kitchen, biding her time drinking water, as she suddenly felt unready again.

She brought a glass in for Gabriel too to justify her delay and when she arrived in the living room, she placed a pad and the glass of water down in front of him on the center table and sat beside him with her elbows on her thighs and hands on the sides of her cheeks.

She didn’t know where to begin. Jealousy was still sticking its head out, so she made a conscious effort to focus only on what was important. And that was Bastien.

“You told him without my consent. Why?”

“I…I don’t know, Nathalie.”

“We had an agreement.” She raised her voice but then “you know what, let’s go to my room.”

“Why?”

“Because there I can close the door and yell at you without Bastien waking up thinking I want to deprive him of his long-lost father, that’s why.”

She could see the desolation in Gabriel's whole posture. He was repentant. She had to admit that. He wasn’t talking back, he wasn’t even trying to justify his actions.

She heard him say “Let me talk first ok. I’ll tell you the day's events and how…well.” He exhaled forcefully and sat on the border of her now well-made bed. “Bastien saw us sleeping together.” And she knew her eyes were must have gone huge. “I was…are you sure he’s only three? Because he made me feel like I was a teenager caught with his girlfriend being interrogated by her big bad dad.”

She smiled at that. She could imagine the scene. Bastien was quite inquisitive and didn’t have all the filters in place yet.

“I felt like…I felt ridiculous and nervous and then you appeared in the corridor, and I swear it wasn’t planned Nathalie, but there’s so much we haven’t talked about yet, and as I tried to explain, it just started coming out, everything I should have and haven’t said to you, suddenly I was saying at the worst possible moment and to him of all people.    I recognize that I didn’t know how to respond to his questions afterward. That we haven’t worked out how this co-parenting thing will function. That I didn’t know how to explain the complicated things about him suddenly having a father on a level he could understand. That I should have waited for you and for that I am sorry.  I… I don’t know what else to say. I am not used to being caught so unprepared when I know the stakes are high.”

She was torn between the wave of simmering anger that had been fermenting all and the forgiveness his contrite explanation had coaxed into growing in her heart, but she knew the former wouldn’t help anyone. So, she chose to sit down beside him and without looking at him she took his hand and spoke.

“What would you have done if I’d interfered with Adrien the way you just did with Bastien? And don’t tell me I wasn’t his mother because up until two weeks ago you weren’t Bastien’s father either.”

“I…” He was clearly at a loss for words. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

“I’ll tell you what.” She continued outwardly calmly despite how she might feel. “There was a time you forbade me from interacting with Adrien outside of what was strictly necessary and professional.”

“Surely you won’t…”

“Of course, I won’t.” Now she turned to him. “I just want you to understand the gravity of what you did. You don’t live here Gabriel. You just come and go as you please and I’m the one who will have to deal with the aftermath of whatever mess you leave behind if you look the other way and decide that you want a real family again instead.”

Suddenly she could see a bulb light over his face shining over his features as he spoke, “So, that’s what that scene in the park was about. You think I’m going to exchange you and Bastien for some woman?”

“You’re still relatively young  Gabriel. It’s only natural that you wouldn’t want to be alone for the rest of your life. And while there’s a lot of gold-diggers around, I don’t think that woman at the park recognized you.”

“No, I don’t think Regina did. She asked for my name.”

That jealousy again. Control your tone of voice, Nathalie, she reminds herself. Relax your muscles. “Regina?”

“Yes. That was her name.” He said, infuriatingly nonchalantly.

“She was pretty.” She tried her best not to look like she was spitting those words, and that she was being totally calm and reasonable about all of this

“Naaa.” He scrunched his nose. “Too many teeth. And too young too. And Bastien is enough for me. I would die before I’d father another toddler.”

“Want to watch something on streaming?” She had to take her mind off this before she got obsessed with analyzing that response.

“Yes.”

“I was thinking some comedy? What about the Kominsky Method?”

He got up and as he offered her his hand said, “I never pegged you for a comedy person.”.

She allowed him to help her up. “I’m not, usually. But I read it’s very clever and I need some levity right now.”

“Agreed.” He said throwing his arm around her shoulder and guiding her back to the living room.

Before the series began, he asked, “Nathalie?”

“Uhm?”

“Are we ok?”

“We are.” And they were enough that she rested her head on his shoulder.

He took that as a sign to pull her close and opened his arm so she could fit his side better. Despite herself, Nathalie allowed it. It had been a long time with just her and Bastien. She’d missed this.