Another Chance

12

Florence truly was a beautiful city and had incredible gastronomy. She and Gabriel spent the day playing the tourists to the utmost; visiting everything the city had to offer, before heading back to the hotel in the early evening.

At lunch, they had eaten. Bistecca alla fiorentina. The meat was so soft and juicy that it melted in the mouth. They’d been to Italy before, but never to Florence since the city was out of the fashion circuit, and she was sure Gabriel had never come with just Emilie which really was one of the reasons she’d chosen the city. She was done with living in Emilie’s shadow and would do anything to avoid any comparisons, as much as that was possible now she was his wife. Their marriage might be an arrangement, but at least their memories could be their own.

When they got to their room, Nathalie practically collapsed into the bed, exhausted by the heat and the exercise while Gabriel awkwardly loomed above her. It was odd because save for the dark period after their son’s conception they’d always been physically comfortable with each other.

But today… today Gabriel’d kept making little motions towards her and then pulling away as if he was afraid to touch her. Or worse, as if he felt he owed her something for last night. She’d been right. It really had ruined everything even if only her hand had been at work. It had been a stupid move on her part.

She tried to ease the tension, “What are you doing up there?”

His jaw worked. “I can’t stop thinking about how unequal we left things.”

She propped herself up on her elbows, “I told you. I didn’t mind.”

Gabriel sat down by her, but cautiously as if he was afraid of scaring her off. “Where do your boundaries lie?”

“What?” He’d really lost her.

“You said. Last night. That you didn’t want to ruin things.”

She swallowed, “I did.”

Gabriel tilted his head to the side and, “But you helped me out, and I don’t think that ruined anything.”

Her face must have been bright red. “You don’t?”

“No. If anything, it made things better,” came out of his mouth almost as a whisper.  Gabriel continued in a more level tone, “and it hasn’t changed my feelings towards you.  I love you just the same. But if I can, I’d like to keep our little game of reciprocation going. Will you let me try? You can tell me when to stop.”

“Now?!” She squeaked.

“If you’d let me.”

There was something so earnest in his eyes that made Nathalie nervous and forced her to avert her gaze to a point behind his head. “I don’t know. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

He sat by her side and placed a hand on her bare knee. “You could never,” he said and laid on his side beside her, using one arm as a pillow while his other hand moved up her inner thigh.

She didn’t stop him.

Gabriel showered her face with soft kisses as she came down from her high.


It was hard to pretend to not be in love with a person when there were no clear boundaries between them anymore. “What am I going to do?” Nathalie thought while she was watching Gabriel sleep, with her head resting on her pillow as she studied his features, so soft and unusually peaceful they were, and how his lids fluttered as he dreamed.

Gabriel had asked her where her boundaries lay but all the lines she used to pretend existed, with the exclusive purpose of him not noticing her unwelcome feelings for him, were blurred now and she was afraid he’d see through her. That he’d discover her betrayal.

Because even though she knew he wasn’t in love with her, to hear it coming from his mouth would hurt more than anything.

That’s what she wanted to avoid. Rejection had been a dull pain inside her heart for years and she’d gotten used to it. Then as the years went by, the distance provided the illusion it was gone. That she was free of it.

Now it was back with full force because Emilie wasn’t here any longer, but the fear of rejection still was. Gabriel had asked her to marry him out of friendly and familial concern. He’d wanted to be able to look out for her and their son and not be hampered by any legal obstacles. Not because of romantic love.

Gabriel did love her she thought, as she traced the contours of his face with the tip of her fingers.

Never mind that he was averse to general social contact. He’d still forsaken any chance of finding someone to give all she knew he had to give. She’d been a witness to how passionate Gabriel could be.

The sacrifice Gabriel had done by marrying her was a different sort of sacrifice to the one he’d done for Emilie, but she wasn’t a fool enough not to recognize it for what it was. He was giving up his life and happiness in exchange for hers and Bastien’s well-being.

If that wasn’t love, then what was?

The least she could do was try to give him a fraction of what he’d miss in life.

Just as she was having these thoughts, his lips parted, and she can’t help but kiss him there.

Very softly to not wake him up.

If only all of that didn’t sound too hypocritical to even be acknowledged. It would certainly never be uttered.

If only it was something that she didn’t want. If it had been a sacrifice for her, not something she longed for it would be easier to justify it to herself. To not feel like a cheater. Like an abuser. People could abuse their loved ones. It happened everywhere. She just never thought she’d be one of those people.

She mouthed “I love you,” and closed her eyes as sleep claimed her too.


Adrien and Marinette had a plane to catch and were off almost immediately when they got back home, so Gabriel and Nathalie had the house all to themselves since Bastien was already fast asleep having apparently accepted all these recent changes with an equanimity his father envied.

It was odd how it felt so different to arrive at their house. He’d been here before with Nathalie; seen the changes she’d made to the house’s interior design. How everything about it was an amalgam of both of them, giving it a completely new different atmosphere.

Perhaps it was the fact that now they were husband and wife, and that their relationship had escalated, and now Gabriel was feeling the pressure of the new reality bearing down on him.

Back in Florence. In their hotel room. They’d tried things and done things to each other, but there it had seemed that they were living in an alternative reality where the consequence of their actions never quite felt real.

It was an odd sensation. There. In Florence. He’d known that what they were doing was real and that it mattered. That they would have to deal with the repercussions. Nathalie had known and had warned him.

But now they were in their own home.

Yet Gabriel was feeling very much like that right now. Like he was in another reality. But he knew that he couldn’t mess this one up. That this was his chance to make things right. To convince Nathalie to give him another chance.

The truth was that he had felt self-conscious since his feet had touched the ground in Toulouse and his hands were uncertain whenever he touched the small of her back to guide her. He’d realized that didn’t know what Nathalie’s expectations were after their honeymoon.


It was odd indeed. How they went through the motions of their new shared life.

Nathalie once again told him to use the bathroom first, saying that she’d take longer than him. The bathroom was connected to the walk-in wardrobe, and he stepped out of there with only his waist wrapped in a towel. Nathalie was there, on her side of the closet, probably looking for some comfortable sleepwear. She was clearly uncomfortable with his semi-nudity but didn’t leave the closet anyway, just turned around to inspect the contents of a drawer as he changed.

“Gabriel?” He felt her hands on the sides of his face. “Are you listening?”

“What?”

“Where were you? Are you ok?”

“Yes, yes…it’s just that… he closed his eyes and finished putting on his pyjama shirt. “I’m sorry. Perhaps you were right about everything, and I keep complicating things between us. I…I don’t know how to act around you anymore. I don’t know what’s expected anymore. I don’t know if what’s expected is acceptable. I don’t want to put pressure on you. You know. I…” He said moving his hand back and forward, pointing to both of them. “You’ve got to help me out here, Nathalie. I don’t want to ruin things between us.”

“It’s ok. I feel the same way.” She said as she reached for his hand. “We crossed a line and now we have an elephant in the room. The way I see it, we have two options. We can forget what happened” his eyes went up to hers. Did she really want to forget, “or we have to get used to this new…dynamic?”

“Do you want to forget?” Nathalie didn’t answer. It was clear that this situation was making her tense. To say the least. He didn’t mean to say, “I don’t want to forget.”

But apparently, he had because Nathalie answered “Are you sure? I wouldn’t feel offended”

Gabriel exhaled as he offered her a smile. “Only a fool wouldn’t want you, Nathalie,” but apparently it wasn’t the right thing to say because Nathalie raised an eyebrow and her face was suddenly gloomy as she said, “Are you talking from personal experience?”

That comment took him by surprise and his face must have shown that because her next line was “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

“No. You were right. But I’ve learned my lesson. I’m a less stupid man today.” He refused to let her feel bad for his mistakes.

She exhaled. “Ok. Then I think the first thing we should do is to get used to this new setup. You know? This is our private space, and you shouldn’t have to hide.”

“I didn’t.”

She blushed, “you didn’t. I looked away.”

“You did,” he decided to take the risk, “but you’re allowed to look now.”

“I am. And so are you.”

“Thank you.” He was suddenly angry at the space between them. He wanted to reach out and touch her, so he walked slowly toward her trying not to look as desperate for her as he felt. “So, about this new dynamic, as you put it.” He stood in front of her. Invading her personal space. And seeing as she didn’t move from where she was standing, he put his hand on her hips. “Is it alright if I do that?”

“Yes.” He moved a little closer. Nathalie was as immobile as a statue. But statues were cold. And Nathalie was radiating heat.

“And this?” he moved his hands up and down her spine and felt her trembling under his ministrations.

“You like this?”

Her eyes were closed and her face began to flush. There was something in the air inebriating him and he didn’t resist the smile forming on his lips. Little by little, he was starting to know Nathalie’s likes and dislikes. “Yes.”

Then she opened her eyes and said, “I have to…” motioned her head in the direction of the bathroom and went ahead with her nightly routine.

He just stood there recovering from this interaction. He couldn’t believe how worked up he’d got without Nathalie having moved a finger.

Now that he thought about it, he wanted to know what Nathalie’s nightly routine consisted of. He imagined that after her hygiene was taken care of; she’d use skin products. Was she on the pill? Could she get pregnant again? Body lotion. He was sure Nathalie used body lotion before bed. Her body had smelled deliciously like passion fruit. He’d looked it up in her toiletry. Gabriel had been close to Nathalie before and this wasn’t her usual smell. This was something new.

He didn’t know what to make of that little piece of information. Did she buy it, especially for him? Or was it just something she had wanted to try and it just coincided with their honeymoon?

Anyway, those thoughts were all forgotten the minute Nathalie came into their room from the closet dressed in a white nightgown made of silk and lace. Her breasts were covered by lace over silk. Her belly was exposed by an asymmetric patch of only lace cut and sewn diagonally reaching her hip which again was completely hidden from him by the silk and then another patch of diagonal lace teased him with the translucent sight of her legs.

The matching robe was in her hand.

She looked nervous as she placed the piece of cloth by the feet of the bed.

He instantly raised from where he was lying and sat with his feet on the carpet as she continued walking in his direction.

“I…I didn’t want to presume you’d want to but…” She was interrupted by Gabriel’s voice.

“I remember designing this one.” He said as he passed his fingers on the hem of the lace covering her left thigh. The back of his fingers barely grazing her skin. He didn’t want to be too forward.

“Martha told me she wouldn’t send this design to production anymore. It’s a shame. It’s one of your best sleepwear works.” His hands were on her hips now.

“I told Martha to do that. You’re my wife now. None of the designs you picked will be used by another woman. Ever.” His hands began going up and down the outer sides of her thighs, feeling the heat of her skin through and the softness of the silk.

“May I?” He asked when his hand started to reach under the hem.

Nathalie closed her eyes as he caressed her skin. And placed her hands on his shoulders, the tip of her fingers caressing the shorter hairs.

“Nathalie, tell me. What’s on your mind?”

“Hum?”

“I don’t want to make anything to leave you uncomfortable. Last time…I don’t know you didn’t resist, but then we had this…I felt I had perhaps gone too far against your wish.”

“You didn’t. We had an agreement.”

“Yes, but in our first night you were very clear about your wishes, and I feel that I forced your hand.”

Nathalie sat on his lap and, “I know that this awkwardness is my fault. I was the one to suggest that we should include this in our agreement and went back on my word, but…”

“You have every right to do that. I won’t force you to take pleasuring me as your responsibility.”

“No. No. It’s not that. It’s just. I… I felt nervous and now everything is different, but this will always be between us if we don’t acknowledge what’s happened between us. I think we should get this over with so we can move on.”

“Can this not be tonight?”

“What? Why? I thought you wanted it. Did I read you wrong?”

“No. You didn’t. It’s just that I thought you wanted it because…well because you wanted it to happen. Not to normalize things between us. I don’t want it to be perfunctory. I wanted you to want me.” He didn’t think he had ever been as honest with her about his feelings as he was being at that moment and it was too much for him. He was feeling rejected. Offended. He tapped her thighs twice signalizing he wanted to get up.

To get away from her. She got out of his lap and he got off the bed and walked to the other side of the room.

“But I do.”

“You do?” He felt a mix of hurt and hope.

She looked to the side avoiding his eyes. “I do.”

“I’m sorry Nathalie, but it doesn’t look like you do.”

“What do you want me to say, Gabriel? Our relationship was never about this. Your focus was never on me. You’d never hinted that you even felt remotely attracted to me before. Suddenly you discover we have a son and feel you have to take care of us. Suddenly, we’re married and with a child…I mean, I know what kind of man you are but you’re still a man, and what man would refuse a proposition as the one had I made to you? But that doesn’t change the fact that you weren’t attracted to me before.”

“You think I’m not attracted to you?”

Her eyebrow was immediately up “Well, I know you don’t find me repulsive, but you never showed any interest in me until after we started discussing our marriage.”

“But I did.” Nathalie looked at him in disbelief and Gabriel got up and crossed the room to where she was standing by their bed, “Nathalie,” his hands went directly to the sides of her head and he looked into her eyes, “how could you think that I would be indifferent to all of this?” His eyes went down to look at her body as his hands traveled down her arms and then to her back.

He was getting a reaction from her now. Her pupils were dilated, and her chest was moving up and down quickly.

“Do you know what I just remembered?” He asked.

“What.” It came out almost like a breath.

“I noticed that I didn’t kiss your mouth in Florence. I see now how you could’ve got to this absurd conclusion. May I correct that notion?” He said as he leaned in to kiss her. He felt her breathe a “yes” and he gently kissed her. Gently at first. Until he felt her fingers on his hair as their kiss deepened and the lace covering her breasts touched his chest. At once, he quickly maneuvered them both without breaking the kiss, laying her on his side of the bed.

Nathalie, surprised and clearly impressed by the sudden change of positions squeaked, “How did you do that?”

“You’re pretty light, my love   .” And went back to the task of devouring her mouth.

---

Gabriel woke up satisfied to see that Nathalie was still wrapped around him in the morning. He couldn’t help but smile. He looked to the side and reached for his cellphone to see what time it was. “Nathalie, baby. I need to get up.”

“No, you don’t.” She said without opening her eyes.

He felt her rubbing her cheek on his naked chest. It was sweet. Still, “I need to use the bathroom.”

She looked up at his face with only one eye open, clearly dissatisfied with the fact that he had to leave the bed but said, “Ok.” he couldn’t help but feel warmed and proud for last night.

When he came back, she was already inside the closet picking out the outfit she’d use that morning. He went to position himself behind her to kiss her neck and from his privileged point of view, he could see that she was wearing nothing under her robe.

Gabriel felt arousal wanting to begin again and said, “Damn woman! The things you're doing to me!”

“Gabriel, no. Bastien will be knocking on our door soon if we don’t get out of here.”

Somewhat disappointed he let her go. Gabriel supposed he had had Nathalie to himself these last few nights, their son must be impatient to see his mother. And perhaps. His father too.

---

They fell into a routine.

During the day, they’d have breakfast as a family, take Bastien to pre-school , come home and start their working day. Nathalie had finally hired a chef and a cleaning service so now they could both concentrate on their work at Gabriel.

However, their work routine was quite different from what it used to be. For one, Nathalie used her wife-privileges to schedule lunch breaks for them and other small pauses during the day, during which she set the table by the window they had in their shared atelier/office. She’d also warned him that no work would be done after 5 pm.

At night she’d come out of the closet dressed for him and with her skin incredibly fresh. But she never made the first move. That, he realized, was always him. The second thing he’d noticed was that, if their one night four years ago was any indication, Nathalie was holding back from him, and he didn’t understand why she’d do that.

They were doing good, weren’t they?