Worth the Trouble ✓

24 | the rumour

TWO DAYS AFTER I TOLD Dad about Suki's pregnancy, Lance calls me while I'm doing English homework. Dad apparently threw up in the bathroom of the bar—which is crazy, because all his drinking over the years pointed to his tolerance being pretty much ironclad by now—and is in the process of being kicked out.

"Oop, screw that. He's out." Lance's throaty guffaw grates on my eardrums through the line. "Can you come drive him home?"

I throw down my pencil, rubbing my hand over my eyes. They're starting to swim after focusing too long on the small writing in my copy of The Lord of the Flies.

"He took the car with him."

"Yeah, sorry 'bout it." Really? I have to walk? "I would, but it's not safe, ya know."

Thirty minutes later, after I half sprint and half speed-walk into the town centre, Dad and I are driving home. I blast the heater on high, even though Dad always complains about it running the battery dry. He doesn't get to make requests, because—if I'm being honest—he's acting like a kid.

He passes out as soon as Lance and I lug him into the passenger seat, an arm around each of our shoulders.

Five minutes into the drive home, Dad wakes up and coughs. "Sorry."

I wasn't going to talk to him in this state. Preferably, he'd pass out again and I'd leave him in his car till morning. I don't even care if he showers or eats before driving straight to work. But I keep my voice cool. "That's alright."

I know from the apology that he's talking about throwing the bottle, kicking me out of the house and holing himself up in the bar ever since I told him.

He explains weakly, "You scared me."

"I know." I turn the corner slowly, on account of the icy roads. "I scare myself."

Dad thinks on this for a moment, chewing on his mouth like he's tasting his words before spitting them out. Good. Fuck knows he needs to learn to tame that temper of his.

"You'll be a fine father," he says eventually. "You keep your head about you. All the time. Whenever you get knocked down, you're right back up. Stubborn."

I roll my eyes. This is the alcohol talking. "Don't tell anyone about Suki. No-one in town really knows, and her family appreciates privacy."

Dad laughs brokenly. "Who would I tell?"

I glance over to him, seeing him stare at me with hollowed eyes.

At that moment, I realise he still loves Mom.

Who would I tell?

Who would he tell? He was completely alone, and too swept up in ancient stereotypes about masculinity to ever confide in his drinking buddies. And drinking buddies aren't friends if he's always so drunk he can't remember their interactions. Dad lost his wife, his best friend, his life partner.

I guess he's just looking for ways to keep adrift until he doesn't have to think about anything anymore. He'll drink until he dies, and why don't I care more? Fuck's sake, it was shitty to say, I resented him for being so pathetic. More than I resented Mom for leaving, which was so unfair. I shouldn't hate the one who stayed more than I hate the one who left.

"True." The only way out is through. Dad will get through this. So will I.

"You gonna marry her?"

"I thought you wanted us to break up."

"Yeah, then you knocked her up." His head lolls back, hitting the seat with a dull thud. "I'm proud of you for not leaving her. But you gotta clinch that deal. Be a real man."