Loveless

Chapter Twenty-Two

Sora laid awake in her bed, looking towards her clock to see it was nine in the morning. Most of her family members would probably be awake by now, but she just wanted to stay in bed forever. Shoto had stayed over last night, and they stayed up practically all night chatting away about the dumbest things, and also told each other secrets that now laid in each other's trust. He'd pulled her aside last night after dinner and pulled a small box from his back pocket. Opening it, there were two gifts inside. One of them was a guitar pick that was yellow on one side, and on the other side there was an S printed onto it. She wasn't sure if the S stood for sora or for Shoto, but she guessed it didn't really matter. The second object was a small white gold band with a little opal on it. '''It's a promise ring."' he had told her. She may or may not have started crying at that, and put the ring on her finger right away. She hadn't taken it off, and was still fiddling with it joyfully this morning, with her boyfriend's arms wrapped loosely around her. She felt him breathing evenly against the back of her neck, which indicated that he was asleep, so she didn't want to get out of bed quite yet and wake him up. That is, until she heard a yelp coming from another room, and it sounded like Kaito. Confused and a little concerned, Sora decided maybe she should get up and see what happened. It was possible she just saw a mouse or something, but she didn't want to leave her sister alone right after she'd yelled like that. Slipping out of Shoto's loving grasp difficultly, trying her hardest not to wake him, Sora however failed when she felt him stir and reach out to pull her back towards him.

"Where' you going...?" He mumbled groggily, his morning voice extremely present. 

"I just need to check on something, I'll be back in a second." She whispered, stroking his hair calmly trying to get him to fall back to sleep. He nodded dreamily, his heterochromatic eyes still shut, though they fluttered a little bit now that he was awake.

After changing from a maroon tank top and pyjama pants to a hoodie and sweats, Sora then tip-toed out of her bedroom quietly, and shut the door once she was in the hallway.

"Kait?" She called out quietly, heading towards her older sister's bedroom. However, what caught her attention before she could get there was the fact that her parents' bedroom door was open a titch, and the sound of soft sobs could be heard protruding from the room. Ditching her previous thoughts without hesitation, she burst into the master bedroom of the house to see her father curled up, crying on the floor and her sisters kneeled beside him, also sobbing.

"Wha- Dad? What happened?" She stuttered, scanning the room in complete shock. She had no idea what to even think. Why was everyone crying on the floor? Where was her mother? She refused to put two and two together, and denied the possibility that was going through the back of her mind.

"Sweetheart... Last night," Lewis began, glistening tears rolling down his freckled cheeks.

"No-" Sora repulsed.

"The doctors really did think she was gonna make it." The red-headed man shivered.

"No..." His second daughter pushed.

"Sora, she's gone. She died in my arms." He divulged miserably.

"No, please..." She begged, cupping her face as the tears that were building up in her eyes finally collapsed down her face. She had a boulder in her throat, and she felt sick to her stomach. The fear hit her, and then the regret did, and then the dejection. Shaking and lowering onto the floor, the sobs came slowly and unsteadily. She was sure it couldn't be true. The doctors had sworn she was okay. She was okay. As she bawled more heavily, the room's door swung open once again, revealing a shocked and hollow looking Shoto.

"Sor'...? What's going on?" He muttered. His tear ducts were already filling up because he had a guess as to what happened. Rushing onto the floor to the girl right in front of him, he got on his knees and held her to his chest. He placed his right hand on the top of her head, and the other one around her torso, rocking her back and forth in between her trembling cries. She clinged onto him desperately, trying hopelessly to feel that safety that he always gave her, but the only thing she felt was shame and lifelessness. Right when she thought everything was gonna be okay. By eleven a.m, Sora was sitting on her bedroom floor with Spruce beside her and her legs held up against her chest. Her tears had mostly dried about twenty minutes ago, but most of the morning she thought she'd never stop bawling. Every couple of minutes, the grief hits her hard again and she lets a few tears slip, but mostly she just leaned against the edge of her bed miserably. Shoto insisted on staying with her because he didn't think it would be wise to leave her alone at a time like this. So he laid perpendicularly on her bed, his head hanging off the edge right beside where his girlfriend was. They didn't speak to one another. They just sort of sat there in complete silence as if there was something they were waiting for. Most of the time, the heterochromatic boy stared out the window across the room, except for when he heard the soft sobs coming from beside him every couple minutes, then he would turn towards his love and rub soothing circles into her back and whisper warm toned consoling words. He chose not to speak to her too much because he was anxious that he'd say something wrong and would make her feel worse. Seeing her like this made him feel awful. He felt guilty, because he was the one who had spoken to the doctors about Asa possibly coming home for Sora's birthday.

"Babe?" He mumbled, poking lightly at her tearstained t-shirt. Watery golden eyes glanced over at him attentively. "I think I should tell you something." He stated quitely, which caused her brows to descend slightly in questioning and she changed her position so she was facing her boyfriend a little more.

"Okay?" The girl sniffed, wiping her red puffy eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie.

"This is my fault." He admitted. At this, her face fell even more because she knew what she'd done. She'd made him feel like her sadness what his doing.

"No, no Shoto this isn't-"

"No it is my fault. I went to the hospital to see your mother on my own one day. I spoke to her about your birthday and I spoke to the doctors about her maybe being home in time. They sent her home because I asked them to. She passed because she was home and didn't receive the care she needed." He explained, his vocalization shaky and hesitant. He was positive Sora would be upset with him, it was his fault after all. But he knew that if he didn't tell her, the weight would be weighing down on him, more and more everyday. The dark brown haired girl just looked at him in disbelief. She could blame him. She could agree with him and convince herself that her mother's death could've been avoided if it weren't for Shoto. But why would she do that?

"The doctors sent her home because they were confident she'd make it. They're professionals, and her life depended on their decision. Your request didn't affect their conclusion. Don't take the blame." She argued calmly and simply. Shoto felt a wave of relief crash over him, and also surprise, because he was sure she'd fault him for it. But then again, how could he think that? Sora was the most incredible and accepting and trusting person there was. There was no way she'd pin the criticism on him.

A couple hours later, Shoto left because he had to work. He'd told the golden eyed girl that he could simply get someone to cover his shift for him, but she stood ground on her idea of him leaving. She didn't want to hold him back from his responsibilities, plus she felt like she needed to spend some time alone. So there she sat, in the exact same spot and position as three hours ago. She hadn't gotten up, and had barely moved at all since she found out. Her legs were cramping up, and she felt dehydrated, but that was the least of her cares. Figuring she should do something to possibly distract herself from her ever wet opticals, she sat up and stretched her arm out to grab the neck of her electric guitar that was laying a couple feet away from her on the floor. It felt oddly difficult to pull it onto her lap, as if the depressing feeling inside her was making her weak. But she picked it up nonetheless, and proceeded to reach up to her bedside table and feel for where she'd placed that brand new pick. Looking it over one last time before using it, she traced the S with her thumb. Welling up in fresh searing tears, she picked away to a basic rhythm she knew by heart. It was simple, and beginner level, but that meant she could play it over and over again, knowing she wouldn't mess up. It was comforting, because it was something she could count on. Something that would stay the same, and she knew she could rely on herself to keep it how she liked it. Call it dumb, but at this point, Sora was looking for any trace of consistincy in her life. Her whole lifetime, things went up and down like a twisted traumatizing emotional rollercoaster. And she hated it more than anything. She was always unequivocally definite that she'd at least always have her mother. But then she got sick, and had to leave. And then again, her mother came back home... But then she had to leave. How can Sora be absolutely sure about anything now, if the thing she'd always counted on was gone? Perhaps she couldn't count on anything. Maybe she couldn't even count on Shoto. If her mother left, how can she be sure that her boyfriend won't?

No.

Shoto told her every single day how much he loved her, and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He gave her goddamn promise for fuck's sake! How could she be so faithless? Of course Shoto won't leave her. They were perfect. At least she could count on that. No matter what happens, even now, she counts on her love.